October 2, 2023

I’m officially eight weeks post surgery, and I went back to work today. I was exhausted and sore when I got home. And running a low grade fever. Maybe I overdid it or maybe I have something going on. Last night the incision on my left breast started weeping. I sent a message to my surgeon’s office and they suggested I don’t use the hot tub anymore for a while. I’ll also need to keep an eye on it for any signs of infection. So frustrating.

So…aside from all that, here is how I’m doing at two months for anyone interested or considering diep flap reconstruction:

My incisions are (mostly) healed but still red. There has been some fat necrosis on the left side of my chest, so there is a section of hard, immovable skin, which sits on my tight tendon. Physical therapy is helping with the tightness and massaging the necrosis section is helping it move a little. The transplanted skin from my stomach is a different color than the skin on my chest, so that’s disarming. My doctor said it may get less noticeable over time.

My stomach still feels tight, but I can stand mostly straight now. There is still swelling which means my stomach has no “give,” and I can’t wear anything that’s too tight. No squeezing myself into jeans. Also, the longer the day goes on, the more swelling seems to happen. Swelly belly is what a lot of women who have gone through this surgery call it. In addition to that, my stomach skin is SUPER sensitive to the texture of fabric. I’m trying to wear normal clothes again but it’s hard. I ordered belly bands and hope they are thin enough that I can wear them under my clothes without adding a lot of bulk or warmth. They have to be better than the abdominal binder I no longer need to wear.

I am able to lay on my side, although I can’t stay there too long before it feels weird. I also was able to lay on my stomach during physical therapy, which I haven’t been able to do in two years. It was glorious. No pain.

I can lift things heavier than 10 pounds now but I still do so carefully, using my knees and all that. I can’t sit up without turning and pushing myself up. Engaging my stomach muscles for anything feels really uncomfortable, although I’m slowly adding some exercises to my stretching routine. Sitting too long makes my stomach feel weird. Twisting feels weird. Notice a pattern? I suspect my stomach is going to feel weird for a while.

I still get random sharp pains or a dull ache in areas where the nerves were cut. It’s tolerable. And my new belly button is still red but looks like my old belly button.

Would I do it again? Yes, assuming nothing goes amiss at this point. Otherwise I’ll probably wish I had taken out the implants and left it. I’m thankful that my reconstructed breasts are soft, and the heaviness of the implants are gone. I’m thankful that even with the tightness I still have, my range of motion is better. And I’m grateful that although I’m scheduled for revision surgery in April to make everything look better, I don’t have to do it. I can change my mind.

September 6, 2023

I have a spot on my tummy incision that my doctor’s office thinks could be a spitting suture. I thought the nurse misspelled “splitting” but after a google search, I discovered it means a stitch coming to the surface. I’ve been instructed to use warm compresses and antibiotic ointment on it. I’m thankful it’s not actually splitting. I got real nervous for a second visualizing a gaping wound. In fact, most of my incisions are mostly healed. There are some big scabs on my breasts that are still hanging on, but I’ve done really well not picking at anything. And since I’m forbidden from using lotion or anything, I’m really hoping the scars left behind aren’t too bad. I’m glad that every day is a little better, and my physical therapy is helping the tightness and scar tissue.

Mostly healed—even my new bellybutton!
These scabs are hanging on like crazy.

May 17, 2023

Today we got a new air conditioner put in at our house. It went well and seems to work well. Our old one was 34 years old, so I’m assuming this is one will work more efficiently. It’s already quieter. I’m thankful for that.

I’m also thankful for spontaneous dinner out with a friend. We took some photos ahead of time, so she could have new head shots for her busy consulting work. Then we celebrated that our podcast that came out today and ran into my plastic surgeon, who chatted with us a bit. I was able to tell him how much his positive attitude meant to me during my visits with him. It was good conversation and needed connections midweek.

February 1, 2023

I’ve been feeling anxious lately. I’m sure the winter doldrums isn’t helping, but I’m also sure that my upcoming doctor’s appointments are part of it. This month feels like it will be pivotal, and I’m worried about getting bad news. This week I’ll meet with a new doctor about getting my ovaries removed, next week I’ll meet with a new doctor about my reconstruction, and the following week I’ll have an MRI to check that I’m still cancer free. It feels like finals week, and I haven’t been studying.

So I’m feeling like this self-portrait I drew, a little off-kilter. But I know it’s temporary and hopefully as silly as the drawing makes me look. I’ll get through my appointments and figure out the next steps and carry on. I’m thankful for that.

January 7, 2023

Well, I’m thankful today that the urgent care clinic wasn’t busy when I showed up this morning. Again. For some reason, I keep getting bladder infections. The doctors say that it’s more likely post menopause, so just one more reason to hate chemotherapy and its menopause-inducing effect. I think these are the things doctors need to prepare people for post cancer. Sigh.

I got an antibiotic today before my symptoms got worse than the need for the bathroom every half hour. By tomorrow that should be better, too. I’m thankful that the meds work quickly. And I’m hoping at my next doctor’s appointment in February I can find a fix for these reoccurrences.

October 3, 2022

I had a 3-month follow up appointment with my oncologist today. Thankfully all is still well. My blood work was fine, and the exam showed nothing abnormal. However, I found out that my hormone shots are not over as I thought. I’ll either need to continue them every three months for the next 5 years or have surgery to remove my ovaries. Now that I know how long the shots will last, surgery sounds like a better option. In the meantime, I’ll be getting a shot tomorrow. Yay.

I’m also thankful for another massage today. My masseur worked on my lower back and legs this time, and man, it hurt. But in a good way. I can already tell that my hips aren’t as tight. I love how quickly massage works for me. I wish I could afford to go every week.

August 22, 2022

I had a follow up visit with my plastic surgeon today. I fully expected to schedule my next fat grafting procedure. Not so.

I had been feeling lately like my left side implant was higher than it started out, but I figured it was just my imagination. Turns out it’s not. My doctor says that the late effects of radiation are causing my skin to continue tightening, which in turn is pulling up my implant. He figures it is about 2 centimeters higher than after my surgery. It’s probably why I keep feeling aches and shooting pains along my side again. The implant is pressing more on my nerves since there is no more give in my skin.

The biggest problem, however, is that the movement is taking away the inframammary fold my doctor created by pulling up skin from my stomach. If he must recreate it again at some point, he will need to take skin from my back. The alternative is removing the implant on the right and reducing the size. That will require moving the nipple we tried so hard to save.

For now, we just wait to see if the skin continues to tighten and I’ll see my doctor again in December. I asked about the muscle tightness I have under my arm still, and he thinks the radiation has impacted the muscle as well. I’m going to start massage therapy to see if it makes any difference with the tight muscles. Maybe it will at least give me a little more range of motion.

It was a disappointing visit, but my doctor reminded me that I’m now fully healed from my surgery. Plus I have no more restrictions, aside from waiting one more week before soaking in a tub since he finally removed the scab from the scrape on my incision. I’m thankful that all is not lost yet. It sounds like I’ll have options. And even if the skin shrinks more, my doctor assured me the implant won’t rupture. Thank goodness.

July 11, 2022

I’m calling a moratorium on white shirts. The last few I tried on had very faint stains on them, most likely coffee. I threw one out today. Then just before I left for my doctor’s appointment, I changed into a cute one in an attempt to feel cooler. Thankfully, it was stain-free. After my exam, I put my shirt back on and noticed—in the exam room mirror—a spot on my shirt. Somehow, I got a stain without eating or drinking or doing anything other then sitting. What the actual heck. I’m a mess.

My feet were hanging about a foot above the ground. This was my entertainment.

To be fair, I did have to wait almost an hour and 45 mins for my plastic surgeon who was running behind. Maybe I fell asleep and someone spilled something on me. But the big news is I no longer need to put silicone tape over my incisions. Apparently, it’s breaking down my skin a little in spots. And the sore (my doctor called it an ulcer) isn’t too bad yet, even though it’s bigger than it was. I now need to cover it with gauze and leave it be. I can’t even tape the gauze. If it’s not healed by next week when I go back in to have stitches removed, then I’ll need weekly checks on it. I’m hopeful it will heal.

I got most of my other questions answered. The hard spots I’m beginning to feel are from the fat grafting; I can massage them to help soften them up. The tight muscle in my neck is from the implant pulling on it; eventually it should feel better. The pain along my side is most likely from nerves damaged from radiation, not from the surgery. That should also get better. Once my ulcer is healed, I can stop wearing compression bras, but I can’t swim or soak in a tub for several more weeks.

I’ll probably need more fat grafting in a few months to the area that was too thin for him to work in much before. I mentioned that the skin felt so fragile there that I was worried I would damage it if I scratched too hard. He said I probably would. EEK! He suggested going back to using Vitamin C/E serum on my skin to help with the healing. Man, that radiation may have helped save my life, but it did no favors to my skin.

However, I’m really thankful that things are healing well overall, and I’m so close to being completely done. In a couple weeks I can wear a bra that won’t squeeze my ribs. Each week I’m feeling more like my old self. That’s a good thing.

June 27, 2022

I made it through my first day back to work. It was a bit bumpy, but my 3-month oncologist visit broke up the long day. At least there, all was well. My blood work is good, I’m not pregnant, and the nurse found a spot of my stomach that wasn’t hurting to give me my hormone injection.

When I go back to the cancer center now, I am reminded of how far I’ve come. That’s why I am not really upset when my doctor is behind schedule and I have to wait a bit extra, like I did today. I sat in the waiting room full of people, some in wheelchairs, a lot without hair, most looking tired, and I was really grateful I was the patient who only needed a quick run through of my blood work and the last of my shots. And I don’t have to go back again for three months. Soon that will become six. One day, I’ll just be someone who had cancer years ago.

Today I’m thankful for being another three months post cancer.

June 20, 2022

I saw my plastic surgeon today for a follow up. He explained again what he did and where he took the fat from. I’ll go back on Friday to have my bandages replaced with silicone tape. Everything looked good; he simply cautioned me not to lift more than 5 pounds and to wear my sports bra 24/7 for the next 6 weeks.

I was able to take the bandage off my stomach. He went through my belly button for the fat grafting, so I really expected to see a lot of bruising around it. It’s mostly bruised inside, so that wasn’t too bad. My hand looked worse. I’m guessing they broke a blood vessel there.

I’m thankful things are looking well. I’m still tired and sore, but I’m able to move a little bit better today.