October 21, 2021

I’m grateful today that my friend’s surgery went well and she has a clear path for her cancer treatment that isn’t too difficult. I’m so happy hers was found early! I’m thankful for a conversation this afternoon that reminded me not to take work difficulties personally. It’s so hard! And I’m thankful for an encouraging note from my mom that came in the mail.

October 20, 2021

I slept last night! I woke up a lot but I got back to sleep each time, which was a blessing. Also, a couple of times today I got up and wasn’t super sore. Yay! I know that sounds silly, but it’s nice to be able to just stand up and walk without aching hips or knees.

It was a crazy busy day, but I made it through. I’m thankful for work friends who check in. And for warm sunshine. And backyard puppy wiggles and funny hats.

October 19, 2021

I haven’t been sleeping well. I’m uncomfortable at night; it’s hard to find a position that brings sleep quickly. I want to lay on my side SO bad, but it’s still hard for any length of time. And last night, the dogs jumped into our bed at 2:30 am. After Barley stuck his paws in my face, I kicked them both out, waking Patrick up in the process. I don’t know what prompted their early sneak into bed, but it didn’t help. I was awake from 2 -4 am, after getting to sleep about 11. That seems to be my pattern lately.

So this morning was tough. I was crabby and emotional. Stupid breast spacers. Stupid radiation burned skin. Stupid 7 am start to my job. When Patrick returned from his office hours at the college, he could tell I was having a hard time holding it together. He asked what he could do to make it easier for me today.

I’m thankful that he notices and wants to help. I’m thankful for the yummy pot roast dinner he made today, and the equally yummy Manhattan he made for me tonight. And I’m thankful that he doesn’t judge me for periodically losing it.

October 18, 2021

On Mondays I see my radiation oncologist after my radiation treatment. He asks how I think radiation is going and check for any side effects. Usually he does a visual check of my skin for reactions. Today I told him I thought it was going fine; I said I had a rash but it wasn’t bothering me too much and my skin was red but not too awful. He said my skin would get redder. Well, dang.

I asked if he thought my incision was looking ok since it’s now getting a bit stretched as my skin is tightening. He said it wasn’t worrying him at this point. Then he proceeded to tell me about a prior patient whose skin tightened so much around her implant spacers that her skin started breaking down and the metal piece started coming coming through. Apparently when radiation hits metal, it reflects so it’s like double radiation. I should have put up my hand and said, “nope, stop right there,” when he started by saying he probably shouldn’t tell me this. UGH. Now I’m going to struggle not to worry about my freaking implant spacers. My only saving grace is that apparently hers had been filled too much prior to treatment, and I remember my plastic surgeon saying he was purposely not filling mine more than he did so they wouldn’t pull too much during treatment. I am praying mine is fine, but seriously, I’m going to have to scrub my mind of that visual or I’ll worry too much.

Despite my doctor’s penchant to be blunt and overshare, I appreciate that going to treatment every day hasn’t been awful. Because I see the same staff all the time, they like to chat and share what they’ve done on the weekend and stuff. It makes it easy and I’m thankful for that.

October 17, 2021

I planned to be productive and work in my craft room today. It didn’t really happen. I brought some items to my storage unit where I noticed a tote was being crushed under the weight of tote on top of it. Grrr. So I had to move that tote of stuff (china saved from our wedding) into a new tote. That spiraled into a reorganization of the entire storage unit. By the time I got done with my reorg, I was tired. And hungry. So Patrick and I went to our favorite restaurant and had a late lunch outside in the sun.

I’m thankful to have cleaned up my storage unit because it’s been on my to-do list, although I didn’t expect to get to it until next summer. And while I didn’t do the crafting I planned for today. I did start a project. That’s something. And I still felt productive.

October 16, 2021

I’m grateful today for friends. It’s my friend Di’s birthday. We’ve been friends since 1995. Well, we met then at work and became friends. While we’ve never been the type of friends to do a lot together socially, we talk a lot. We check in. We encourage and console and motivate each other. She’s been there for me through a lot of changes in my life—and helped me move more than once (and probably never again). I’m happy she’s been my friend for so long and hope she will be forever.

I’m also thankful for an afternoon spent having a late lunch/early supper with some friends. We each made something towards the meal. And it was all yummy. It’s nice to start getting back to a bit of a social life.

October 15, 2021

I’m thankful today to have my radiation treatments done for a couple days. The “sunburn” under my arm is starting to bother me, probably because the skin rubs there as my arm moves. Hopefully as I lather on extra lotion this weekend, it will feel better.

I’m also grateful for the surprise treat I got from a coworker friend of mine. She dropped off lunch and a small cake for boss’s day, which is tomorrow. I had no idea, so it was a real sweet surprise. It she’s always being thoughtful. She said she didn’t have time to get anything written on the cake, so I added my own boss sentiment using some fake blood glaze. She likes Halloween so hopefully she appreciates the touch of macabre. Haha.

October 13, 2021

I’m halfway through radiation! Whoop! whoop! My skin is more pink and tight. I also have a rash. But it’s ok. Only 16 more days. I can do it! I’m thankful for getting this far.

I’m also thankful that my hair is getting to a point that it’s looking more like a chosen style and not just crew cut. I’m starting to get regular compliments, and not just on the style but the color too. I’m still not quite used to it and I’m not sure I’ll keep it this way, but it’s nice to know it’s beginning to look kind of normal.

The back seems longer.