I’ve had some weird skin things going on. This started last night and only on my right hand. It burns a bit.
It’s not the only spot where I have a rash. I have another one under my arm and I had one one my face yesterday.
My doctor prescribed some steroid cream, so I’m hoping it helps. The adjustment to this new chemo is taking a little bit of time. But I’m thankful the rash on my face has faded already, and I’m hopeful the rest will fade soon.
I made it through the new chemo today without an allergic reaction, so I’m immensely relieved. There was a moment of question when I started to get a prickly sensation in my throat and tongue, but it didn’t get worse so we didn’t stop. The biggest effect was the drunk feeling that 50 mg of intravenous Benadryl gives a person. I was loopy for a while and then tired enough once we got home that I fell asleep on the sofa.
I was still nervous this morning and the last minute encouraging words from family and friends helped. But what really gave me sense of calm was this necklace.
When my family came to visit, my mom gave me a card that included this necklace. It had been my dad’s. When he was diagnosed with stomach cancer, a lady from their church, a cancer survivor herself, gave it to him. He wore it for years and sometimes carried it in his pocket. Mom felt like dad would want me to have it right now.
While I prayed for strength this morning, I felt like it was my dad who spoke to me, telling me I was going to be ok. And I felt calm when the infusion started.
My dad was always strong. Strong mind. Strong willed. Strong opinions. But the cancer eventually overcame him. I know he’d be heartbroken if he were still here to see me going through this too. He was when my sister was diagnosed. But I like the idea that he’s watching from a place of knowing, a place of peace. Where he is whole and happy and can share his strength with me somehow.
I’m grateful my mom shared this piece of my dad with me. I’m thankful for my dad.
I’m embarrassed to admit that I’m irrationally anxious about starting new chemo tomorrow. From all accounts, it should be an easier chemo overall, even though it will be weekly treatments. It shouldn’t cause as much fatigue nor nausea. The biggest side effect is numbness in the hands and feet that begin over time.
I’m not so worried about those side effects as I am the injection itself. People have allergic reactions to it during the injection, especially the first one. My doctor mentioned today that it’s not as common but it could feel like the throat is closing up. I honestly wanted to punch him for saying that out loud. I’m mean, seriously? If you read my post about my (also embarrassing) surgery recovery, you’ll remember that my WORST fear is choking. I do not need this thought in my head.
So today I’m thankful for the encouraging thoughts from my family and friends that I’ll be fine. And the very rational reminders from Patrick that they’re talking about a small number of people who have this reaction. True. And that I don’t have plant allergies. Also true. And I should stop googling it. Yeah, probably true.
While I have a tendency to sometimes get into my own head too much, I’ve never really over worried about health issues before. I’ve really been quite healthy up to this point, so if something checked out ok, I stopped thinking about it. But I realized while talking about it today that I now feel more wary. More susceptible or vulnerable to everything. Cancer came out of nowhere so what else is lurking around the corner?
It’s a lousy feeling, honestly. One I keep fighting against. I’ve never considered myself much of a victim and I hate to start now. So tomorrow I’m going to be fine. Really. Fine.
I was able to spontaneously get my first round of the Covid-19 vaccine this afternoon. My work was able to arrange it for everyone next week with a local pharmacy, and they had a few spots open still today. I was a little nervous about it, but I had no adverse reactions. Barely even a sore arm.
I wondered early on about getting the vaccine while on chemo. At first thought, it doesn’t seem like a good idea. In fact, I was asked by 3 different staff/pharmacists today if my doctor knew I was getting it. But when I asked my oncologist about it weeks ago, he said I should get it whenever I had the chance. His only caution was not to get it on the day of my chemo treatment. Apparently, the only real drawback is that chemo will reduce the effectiveness of it. But I’m glad to be on the path to Covid protection!
I’m thankful for this vaccine today and also that it gave me the chance to chat with a friend from work. Oh—I’m also thankful to be able to sleep in tomorrow!
So, the last couple of days have been arguably the hardest since I started chemo. Yesterday I actually had the bone pain I’d previously avoided, as well as extreme fatigue and nausea. By bedtime, I had a migraine that not only lasted through the night, but woke me several times. This morning I got sick for the first time.
I’m not gonna lie, I was feeling pretty fed up today. Then I saw a segment on the Today Show about a woman who had not one, but two face transplants. Two. Face. Transplants. Over 70 surgeries. Because her horrible ex attacked her years ago. And you know what? She was upbeat and happy.
I love hearing about the resilience of others. Her situation is beyond comprehension, but her spirit was inspiring. We really can endure more than we think if we have the right mindset. I immediately changed my thinking.
I’m grateful that I’ve only had a couple of really lousy days and that I’m already feeling better.
I have four sisters and while we have lived in different states, I feel like we have done a fairly decent job of staying in touch with each other. Over the years, we’ve been able to get together for various holidays. But it’s been hard to keep up with each other’s daily lives as our families have expanded.
Since my cancer diagnosis, I’ve been talking to my sisters a bit more, especially Laura, who also had breast cancer years ago. It’s been good to connect on a more regular basis, and I’m thankful for that.
Woohoo! Today I’m very thankful to have the last of the big chemo days done.
In a couple of weeks I’ll start the weekly treatments, which will hopefully be easier. At the very least, it doesn’t typically have mouth sores as a side effect, so that’s something to be glad about.
I’m almost halfway through the whole treatment plan (what?!), and I’m grateful that I’ve gotten this far without too much trouble. It’s been amazing that I haven’t been nauseous at all. It seems taking part in the clinical trial for anti-nausea medicine was a good choice.
Oh, I’m also grateful that Patrick has figured out how to get my shoes into my pictures because they’re always the star.
Usually I’m a big advocate for uniqueness. I like people and things that are different. Quirky. Strange. I agree with Maya Angelou.
But today, I’m thankful because I felt normal again. No headaches. No yuck stomach. No watery eyes and nose bleeds. I was even hungry at lunch for the first time in weeks. And I had enough energy after work to make cookies!
Also, because feeling normal means I’m all for dressing up, I put on a wig and lipstick.
I’m not sure what the change was, but it was welcome. I’m thankful for this day of normalcy. Normal feels good.
I mentioned previously that I have a friend who was diagnosed with breast cancer about a month before I was. While she was able to have a lumpectomy already, we are on the same chemo treatment plan, and she is one cycle ahead of me. Oddly enough, we work together too.
We don’t always talk about it, but occasionally we check in. Today after work, I called her since it had been a while that we talked cancer and not just work stuff. It was good to compare where we were at and find some common complaints. Ugh, the dry skin. The emotional rollercoaster. The everlasting quarantine. Soon we were laughing about needing to draw on eyebrows. I told her I warned Patrick that he would know my mood by how they were drawn.
When I was diagnosed, I told her we were bosom buddies, and she found this shirt for us.
While we certainly wish for each other not to have cancer, we have admitted that we find it comforting to have someone to commiserate with who gets it firsthand. In real-time. Today, checking in and being able to laugh about some of our difficulties helped lighten the load a bit. I’m thankful for our friendship.
Several weeks ago my mom told me that she, a couple of my sisters and brother-in-law were planning a surprise for me. Today she texted that it was scheduled to be delivered. When she gave me a 12-4 pm timeframe, I got very curious on what it could be. I even told Patrick that it sounded like a timeframe for furniture delivery. I was stumped.
About 12:30, my sister FaceTimed me and I could tell they were in her car. When I recognized the houses in the background, I was legitimately confused. They were outside our house! They had driven 3 hours to come see us. On our coldest day yet. This is my family.
I’m not gonna lie, I burst into happy tears. I just couldn’t believe they were here and in that moment, I realized how much I miss seeing them.
Because of Covid and my immunocompromised status, we sat outside, bundled up so much we were barely recognizable. They had planned ahead and brought chairs and blankets and hand warmers. We plugged in a heater and chatted for as long as we could handle the cold, which was about an hour. One sweet hour with my sweet family.
True to form, they also brought a Valentine’s basket with homemade cookies, puzzles made from family photos, a blanket with everyone’s pictures on, and other goodies. We’ll have some ongoing reminders of their visit.
What a great surprise. Lucky me they aren’t big Super Bowl fans. I’m so grateful for their visit and for their love.
melissagratitude 