February 1, 2023

I’ve been feeling anxious lately. I’m sure the winter doldrums isn’t helping, but I’m also sure that my upcoming doctor’s appointments are part of it. This month feels like it will be pivotal, and I’m worried about getting bad news. This week I’ll meet with a new doctor about getting my ovaries removed, next week I’ll meet with a new doctor about my reconstruction, and the following week I’ll have an MRI to check that I’m still cancer free. It feels like finals week, and I haven’t been studying.

So I’m feeling like this self-portrait I drew, a little off-kilter. But I know it’s temporary and hopefully as silly as the drawing makes me look. I’ll get through my appointments and figure out the next steps and carry on. I’m thankful for that.

June 14, 2021

Last week I called my nurse coordinator to ask her about some test results that I got. During our conversation, we talked about the next steps in my treatment. I mentioned that I thought I should have an MRI before meeting with my surgeon again. She agreed and said she’d call his office, which she did. So today I had an MRI. Next week I meet with my surgeon.

Getting an MRI is an uncomfortable experience, but today I’m thankful for it because it confirmed that chemo works. The results showed “markedly improved appearance” compared to the previous one. My last MRI showed a 2-inch tumor spanning all four “quadrants.” This one showed 3 small spots, about 5mm or less each.

I think it’s probably a common fear for those with cancer to worry that the medicine won’t help. I had read that sometimes lobular cancer doesn’t respond well to chemo, and that was stuck in the back of my mind. That’s most likely why I felt such relief today. Even though the improvement doesn’t change the fact that I still need surgery and radiation, I’ll go into the next step feeling like the chemo has already made a big difference.