And here we are again. Another year has passed. Who was it that said the days are long but the years are short? I think it was in relation to child rearing with a warning not to miss how quickly the children grow up. But it’s a saying for all of us—parents or not. The years are short, so our days, long or not, need to matter.

In all honesty, I feel like I wasted this past year just moving blindly through my days. Don’t get me wrong, a lot of things happened. Good things like I got to see Emma a couple of times and Bree and Noah. I got together with friends and my family, visited a couple places with Patrick, produced some art, got our backyard finished, and adopted Cooper. There were also some really sad things, like saying goodbye to Chance. And as predicted last New Year’s Eve, I had another reconstruction surgery, with a new doctor who was pretty amazing. My hope wasn’t misplaced.

I can’t believe I have another surgery scheduled next year. A follow up to my reconstruction. August’s diep flap was all about removing the damaged skin and implants and recreating breasts. April’s surgery will be about making things look better, the real plastic surgery. Who would have thought that my cancer stuff would extend into a fourth year. Not me.

I think part of why I feel like I wasted this year is that I spent too much of it planning for and recovering from the reconstruction. Too much time. Too much mental energy. Maybe I’ll always have something lingering to deal with, but it’s time for me to move on from it. My days still matter.

I don’t make New Year’s resolutions, but being grateful for the life I have means I want it to be the best life it can be. And that means I need to be the best version of me. So I’m going to work on that next year—letting go, moving on, making memories, making myself as well and healthy as I can be. Intentionally. I hope you join me, and I hope we all have an amazing year.