Category Archives: cancer

December 8, 2021

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I saw my plastic surgeon today. He says the way radiation shrank my skin means we will have to overfill my left breast to get it to match closer to the right. Apparently this will require overfill, removal, then more fill so the skin can stretch and relax. Sounds exciting, doesn’t it?

We didn’t talk timeline this time, but we did start the fills today. He was just going to fill the left side but I asked to add some to the right as well. I was hoping it would help alleviate the uncomfortable creasing that happens when the spacer folds on itself. Since it’s now more full, it does feel better. The downside is that it’s more obvious that my breasts are uneven. Thank goodness it’s sweater weather, so it’s easy to hide.

I go next week for another fill. If it goes well, my doctor said we’ll continue weekly. I’m hoping it might mean my surgery can happen sooner, but I’m not getting my hopes up. He did mention again that he will need to do liposuction on my stomach to fill in spots during my surgery. I’m not even offended that his statement meant I had stomach fat because, yay! He’s going to remove it! Bonus. I may need to rethink the size breasts I want because I have fat elsewhere he could use, too.

I kid, of course. I just want to look proportional when all this is done. And I’m thankful to have gotten this next part started today.

December 2, 2021

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It’s been a month since my radiation treatments ended, and I had a follow up with my radiation oncologist today. He says my skin is making a great recovery although the pink/tanned color may last a year. I’m not sure how I feel about that, but let’s be honest, a triangular shaped tan across my chest isn’t what ruining my sexy look. Ha.

Frankly, I’m just thrilled that it’s healing well and the pain is gone. I was talking to my mom today about how quickly time seems to be going now. While in the middle of my treatments, the days seemed SO LONG. Now that I’m feeling better, time flies. I know that’s typical. And it’s a great reminder that things don’t last forever. Sometimes good things end, but more importantly, so does the bad. I’m thankful every day I made it through the long days.

November 24, 2021

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It’s my birthday! It’s also one year since I had the biopsy that revealed my cancer. We hear all the time how life can change in an instant but it’s hard to grasp it until it actually happens to you. But here I am, less than a month after my last radiation treatment, celebrating my birthday again post cancer. Everything went sideways for a while, but now it’s back on track. A lot of people celebrate a second birthday when they’re cancer-free. Lucky for me I can celebrate it on the same day.

And today I got to celebrate by first having Christmas morning with Brianna and Noah. They opened the presents we got them and I opened birthday presents. Then we went to the apple orchard and an antique store and lunch before hanging out at home. Bri and Noah even decorated my outside chalkboard for me. It was a good day. I’m lucky and grateful.

November 6, 2021

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I love my friends. They always find a way to make me smile and I’m so thankful for that. What a sweet surprise on a day filled with cleaning and putting away the Halloween decor.

Have I mentioned I’m done with radiation? Still super happy about it. Even more happy because my skin is on fire—and not in the good way. I can’t imagine having more treatments now. And I can understand why major burn victims may need to be put in an induced coma. The pain from my localized area is enough to exhaust me. Why does this have to be under my arm where it rubs constantly? Why?

I think I did a bit too much today with my arms. This area felt like it was extra swollen, so I spent the evening on the sofa, reading a new book. But I’m glad I got things put away and the garage cleaned while the weather was warm. And I lasted a bit longer than 4 hours before I needed ibuprofen again. Maybe that’s a good sign.

November 4, 2021

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I’m done!! I had my last radiation treatment today! This was me and Patrick.

I brought a box of small cupcakes for the staff and they gave me a “diploma” which was The Ten Commandments of Cancer Surviorship and a bag of items with special meanings.

On my way out I got a hug from the nurse who worked with me the most and even one from my doctor. When I got to my car, this song was on the radio. I couldn’t clap along since I was driving, but I absolutely was happy.

Finally, I got this delivery from my mom, with such a sweet message it made me cry.

I’m so thankful for this day that seemed so long in coming. I’m done!!

November 1, 2021

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This is my last week of radiation. Woohoo! It’s crazy how quickly my skin damage has increased.

This is the worst spot under my arm which has just started to peel. My doctor today said that he expects all of my skin to peel eventually. He offered to write a prescription for pain medicine since it’s gotten pretty painful, as you can imagine. However, I don’t do well with those, so I opted to keep using ibuprofen. I’m hoping that continues to help.

The thing no one really tells you about radiation is how much it can tighten the muscles in the area. A lot of my pain is also from the tightness; it’s almost as if my ribs are bruised. I think part of it is that I don’t ever feel relaxed and that tension in my body doesn’t help. So I keep trying to stretch my chest and shoulder muscles regularly. I’m also getting sharp pains regularly along the side that I’m assuming is the surgery nerve damage I was warned about. I’m only guessing (because I forgot to ask my doctor today) that it may be more noticeable from the muscle tightening.

It probably goes without saying that I’m so thankful that this is my final week. Thursday is my last day. And the nurse today said there’s a good chance that without the bolus accentuating the radiation, my skin may not get much worse these last few days. Three more days. I can do it. I can.

October 27, 2021

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Well, today I saw my plastic surgeon because it felt like my spacer had fallen on the non-radiated side, and I wanted to make sure that wasn’t abnormal. After waiting over an hour because he was in a procedure that ran overtime, he came in with a med student. I’m pretty sure she must not have seen radiated skin too often; she seemed uncomfortable seeing me. In fact, even the nurses seemed uncomfortable looking at me. One of them gave me a blanket as I was waiting because they keep it so dang cold in those offices. She tried to drape it over my shoulders but finally gingerly handed it to me instead, saying she didn’t want to hurt me. It wasn’t like I was sitting there topless either. I guess the triangle of very red skin peeking above the neckline gives it away.

At any rate, my plastic surgeon has a much different take on my skin than my radiation oncologist. He wasn’t pleased in the least. I got a lot of tips on skin health, including the urging that I drink collagen-infused protein shakes twice a day. Apparently, I can worry about losing weight later. He also said the radiation is melting the stitching across my incision, and if it pulls apart any further, I need to see him right away so he can put in another stitch or two. We then talked about a time frame. I knew that I’d need to let my skin heal for 6 weeks after radiation before seeing him again. But he said with the amount of damage I have, we will also have to do my fills slowly. He thinks it will be a full 6 months before he can do my final surgery where I have my spacers swapped out for the final, soft implants.

Friends, I cried the entire drive home. I barely made it to my car before the tears started. Six months? Another six months with these uncomfortable spacers reminding me of this stinking “journey”I never wanted to be on? UGH. Remember at the beginning of the year when I thought my timeframe had all of this completed by Christmas? Silly, naive, optimistic me. Then I readjusted my thinking to be ok with Jan, maybe Feb. Now we’re looking hopefully at April. I hope it’s not an April Fool’s joke.

So…where’s the gratitude today…Well, my ride home was only 10 mins, so the crying didn’t last that long. I also reminded myself that I have 6 more radiation treatments to get through, and they are targeted differently, so the skin across my incision will now be spared. Hopefully that part can begin healing. My doctor said not to worry about gaining weight, so I’ve been given permission to be my pudgy self. Oh! and the reason for the visit–the fallen spacer–was a non-issue. It’s just my skin on that side relaxing as expected and readjusting the spacer underneath. If I’m honest about it (what else can I be at this point?!) that side does feel better than it did a month ago. So maybe I’ll get used to things after all.

October 26, 2021

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I saw my radiation oncologist today since I wasn’t able to see him yesterday. Yesterday the radiation machine needed servicing so my treatment was moved to a later time spot, and he wasn’t available for a skin check. Even though I hate to say it, my doctor was right. My skin got a lot redder than a week ago. It hurts, especially where my skin rubs under my arm. There were some small blisters there I was worried about that broke prior to today’s appointment.

My bright red underarm

While things look intense, my doctor says that my skin is actually looking pretty good all things considered. He suspects it will start peeling soon in some spots.

Tomorrow starts my “boost” week where they will focus the treatment deeper than it has been. That means the sides of my breast will get the main skin effects. I’m grateful that the skin across my scar will be somewhat spared, but I’m cringing at the thought of my armpit getting worse. Gah. If you see me over the next few weeks with my arm in the air, just wave.

October 23, 2021

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I’ve been really tired the last few days. When I had trouble sleeping yet again last night, I shut myself in the guest room, much to the pups’ dismay. They love sleeping on the guest bed, but I wanted to try to sleep in, and I knew I couldn’t if they were with me. When they realized I was there at 2 am, I heard them pawing at the door. It took some resolve not to give in, but I didn’t. And I stayed in bed until 9 am, which is at least 2.5 hours past normal for me, even on the weekend. Then after we ran some errands this morning, I was once again exhausted and took a nap as soon as we got home. I’m hoping it’s radiation fatigue and nothing else going on.

I’m thankful for being able to get some rest when I need it. Even if it’s just relaxing on the sofa with this guy.

October 18, 2021

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On Mondays I see my radiation oncologist after my radiation treatment. He asks how I think radiation is going and check for any side effects. Usually he does a visual check of my skin for reactions. Today I told him I thought it was going fine; I said I had a rash but it wasn’t bothering me too much and my skin was red but not too awful. He said my skin would get redder. Well, dang.

I asked if he thought my incision was looking ok since it’s now getting a bit stretched as my skin is tightening. He said it wasn’t worrying him at this point. Then he proceeded to tell me about a prior patient whose skin tightened so much around her implant spacers that her skin started breaking down and the metal piece started coming coming through. Apparently when radiation hits metal, it reflects so it’s like double radiation. I should have put up my hand and said, “nope, stop right there,” when he started by saying he probably shouldn’t tell me this. UGH. Now I’m going to struggle not to worry about my freaking implant spacers. My only saving grace is that apparently hers had been filled too much prior to treatment, and I remember my plastic surgeon saying he was purposely not filling mine more than he did so they wouldn’t pull too much during treatment. I am praying mine is fine, but seriously, I’m going to have to scrub my mind of that visual or I’ll worry too much.

Despite my doctor’s penchant to be blunt and overshare, I appreciate that going to treatment every day hasn’t been awful. Because I see the same staff all the time, they like to chat and share what they’ve done on the weekend and stuff. It makes it easy and I’m thankful for that.