Category Archives: cancer

August 1, 2021

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It’s August! Ack. Where has the summer gone? It’s like the weekend; it blows by too quickly.

I FaceTimed with my daughter yesterday, and she mentioned how long my hair looked, so of course, I had to measure it. It’s an inch and a quarter. It does look long, considering, but that’s growth over the last three months. At this rate, assuming it doesn’t accelerate, it should be to my shoulders in about 2 years. I’m going to hope it starts to speed up.

It’s kind of fun to see how my hair is growing out. One thing I find crazy is how many cowlicks I have that I never noticed before. The center of my “bangs” points down towards my forehead but the edges wing out like little horns. And now I’m getting a spot on top of my head that sticks straight up. What the actual heck. I heard on Jeopardy that cowlicks are formed in utero so I must have had these prior to chemo. Luckily, they weren’t this noticeable. Slow or quick, I’m thankful my hair is growing, even though it’s still rather white.

July 29, 2021

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I really think my neuropathy is taking a turn for the better. This week my legs and feet haven’t been bothering me as much at night, nor has it been as difficult to get my joints moving after sitting at my desk for a while. Yay! I’m not sure what’s been making the difference—maybe the soaking or the icing or the constant stretching I’ve been doing. Whatever the reason, I’m thankful for the small victories! And I’m hopeful it continues.

July 23, 2021

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Yesterday I went to the dentist because I canceled my last cleaning due to chemo. However, I was having some pain around a tooth as well as a weird bump that showed up on my gum. I was nervous about going. I’m always nervous now about catching something before my surgery. But I was also afraid I had something going on with my teeth and didn’t want to put it off several more months. I asked my sister, who works in a dental office, how risky she thought it was to go. Obviously, she didn’t think it posed too much of a risk since I went. And it turns out the bump is a benign cyst and my pain is from a cracked filling that my dentist agreed to fix for free after my surgery.

Today I had an eye exam scheduled because my eyesight seems to have gotten worse while on chemo, and I was noticing wavy lines in my peripheral vision pretty regularly. My oncologist said to get it checked once chemo was over. Well, my eye doctor says that the decline in my eyesight is probably more age-related than chemo-related. Dang it, and I liked her. Overall, my eyes are fine, even with the occasional wavy lines.

I’m thankful both appointments went well and gave me nothing more to worry about. I mean, I don’t think I could handle anything more at this point. Now I just need to figure out why a couple of my fingers have been swollen for two weeks. (Insert eye roll here.)

July 20, 2021

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I’ve mentioned previously that I’ve been trying to have more faith, especially during this struggle with cancer. I’ve never been someone who is comfortable publicly shouting out my beliefs or trying to convert unbelievers. You’ll probably never see me on a street corner with a sign that says “Jesus loves you.” In fact, aside from a garage sale sign, you probably won’t see me posting signs for anything. I don’t even care for political signs in my yard. It’s not that I don’t support or believe in things, I simply tend to be more private about the big stuff. Maybe that’s really a weenie way out of it because I dislike arguments about the big things like religion and politics, which tend to get too heated and emotional and personal.

That being said, I don’t mind sharing my struggles. I think most people have struggled with faith in some form or another. Most folks I’ve had any real relationship with have revealed their desire for meaning in their lives and wondering what their purpose is or what life is all about or why things happen (good or bad)…the list goes on. For me, believing in a higher power is easy. I’ve never had a problem thinking that God created the world and allowed it to evolve as it has. In my mind, creation and evolution don’t fight each other. My internal fight is and always has been, why do I matter in all of this? Why would the God of creation care about my daily life. Doesn’t he have bigger things to worry about? I mean, keeping the earth rotating is a big thing.

To be honest, I’ve always been a bit perplexed and jealous of people who claim that their God is personal to them. A father. A friend. Someone who cares. So I keep finding churches to go to. Over my lifetime, I’ve read the Bible from cover to cover. And I continue to struggle with mind over heart.

Last weekend I watched church online, as I have been. And at the end of the message, they played a song called A Million Little Miracles and it made me want to cry. I’m not a cryer. But songs, like poems, can get me. Part of it goes like this:

I’ve got some blessings that I don’t deserve
I’ve got some scars but that’s how you learn
It’s nothing short of a miracle I’m here

I’ve got miracles on miracles
A million little miracles
Miracles on miracles
Count your miracles
One, two, three, four, I can’t even count ’em all

I feel like it was a breakthrough for me. Despite my current struggle, despite other terrible times I’ve been through. I can see that my life has always been and is currently blessed in so many ways. Miracles everywhere. I don’t know how that isn’t personal.

July 15, 2021

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Today I got confirmation that my surgery is officially scheduled for August 10 at 7:30 am. I’m pretty thankful for that, although I’m already feeling a bit nervous about it. I know it will be fine, but still, it’s a big deal. They said it will potentially be 7-8 hours long. I don’t even want to think about it. My mom and sister have already said they want to come and help out, which is comforting. It’s going to be fine.

July 12, 2021

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Last week, I left two messages for my surgeon’s office to see how scheduling was going. I got a call back on Friday saying they were waiting for the plastic surgeon’s office to call. Today I called the plastic surgeon’s office and was told they were waiting on pre-authorization from my insurance company. So…I called my insurance company and was told the paperwork submitted was pending because it was missing codes. Thankfully, the woman at the insurance company was helpful, and after I explained what the surgery was for, she figured out codes and said she’d push it along so I’d get an answer from them by Friday.

Then I got a call back from my surgeon’s office this afternoon saying that the plastic surgeon’s office told them that they’d be doing the reconstruction part separately instead of coordinating, which was not what was explained to me. So I called their office again, saying I was confused since delayed reconstruction was never part of the conversation. She promised to talk to my plastic surgeon and call me back, which she did. He agreed to coordinate, and if schedules didn’t line up well, then they would have to delay. Finally, I called the surgeon’s office back.

Schedules lined up on August 10. They still need to get it on the books, but I should get a confirmation within a couple of days. It’s not ideal to wait another month, but my nurse coordinator agrees that waiting for one surgery is preferable to two separate ones.

While it was a lot of back and forth, I’m thankful to finally have a date to work towards!

July 9, 2021

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I’m going to whine for a minute, but I promise to end on a high note. I was hoping my neuropathy would start getting better but it isn’t. The numbness in my finger tips doesn’t bother me too much. It’s sometimes weird touching things and not getting a normal sensation. My feet, however, have really been bothering me lately.

When I was warned about neuropathy during chemo, my doctor described it as numbness or maybe tingling. Most websites describe it that way as well, with the added potential for sharp pain or burning. The best way I can describe it is to imagine walking around a big city all day in shoes that have no arch support. Then, when your feet are really sore, taking the shoes off and walking across hot pavement. My feet are achy, hot, and difficult to stand on for very long. Wearing closed toe shoes and socks makes it worse. Sadly, by the end of the day, my calves and knees also ache, and when I lay down, I periodically get sharp pains going through them.

The thing I keep thinking sounds good is wrapping them in something cool, especially at bedtime, and/or soaking them. So today I got a foot spa. It has vibration and is supposed to have bubbles, but it isn’t working quite right. However, I’m happy to say it helped. The cool water is soothing and relaxing, especially while sipping a glass of wine! I’m going to find a better spa and use it regularly. I’m thankful to find things like this that will help instead of resorting to pain medication. And I’m not losing hope that the neuropathy will eventually go away.

July 8, 2021

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Tonight we celebrated that our friend Teresa has completed her cancer treatments and is now cancer – free. It was a small gathering of just six of us, but it was a fun surprise that she seemed to appreciate. Once again, it was good to see each other in person and more importantly have something important to be thankful for. I think we should always celebrate our victories—big and small. Beating cancer is a big one. I’m so happy for my friend to be done with this difficult part of her life and on the road to being back to healthy, and I’m grateful to celebrate with friends.

June 29, 2021

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I mentioned yesterday that I saw my original plastic surgeon, but I realized I hadn’t explained what happened since I first saw him. A couple of months after my initial appointment, I got a call from his office saying that he was leaving the medical group and I would be referred to a different doctor. Rumor was something happened during a renegotiation of his contract. While I never heard any specifics, someone who is friends with his wife told me that he was disappointed and wanted to stay.

In the meantime, I was referred to another doctor who was fine, but not someone I was enthusiastic with. When I asked about the procedure, she didn’t offer options. She was rather adamant that the only method she would do was under the muscle implants.

Then I started hearing from nurses and other doctors that my original surgeon was working with another clinic in town, and I had the option to go back to him. Most seemed to be genuinely happy he was still around. When I pressed folks for an opinion (not really expecting a definitive one) the responses were the same. When I mentioned her name, they said she would be fine. I took that to mean that both were skilled but he was probably easier to work with.

In some respects, I was annoyed that I had to think about all this again. Not just which doctor to go with, but what procedure to do. There is not good data out there. Most searches bring up plastic surgery sites, which aren’t the most reliable, as they lean towards what the doctor prefers or is most skilled at.

So I bounced my ideas and concerns off my family and friends. Read what I could and also prayed about it. Today I let my general surgeon know that I’d be going with my original plastic surgeon, so they could work on getting surgery scheduled. Ultimately, I like that he suggested a procedure but said he would do whatever I chose because it was my decision. I’m thankful that I feel comfortable with it and things will move forward again.

June 21, 2021

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I saw my surgeon today. He’s hoping to get my surgery scheduled in the next few weeks, but I have to meet with my plastic surgeon again first. Apparently, I need to meet with both of them within 30 days of surgery. We discussed how the surgery will work between him and the plastic surgeon, recovery time, and what to expect with the scars. He said he won’t have to take anymore lymph nodes, which is good. He also said I could call with any more questions, and he’s get back to me even if it was outside his normal office hours, which I really appreciated.

I met with my ENT today as well. The nose spray he prescribed me has started working but not 100%. He says I should also take my Flonase. Hopefully that will take care of it.

I’m thankful that things are starting to progress again. At least I know that my surgery should happen in July as long as there are no difficulties getting schedules coordinated. While I’m not necessarily looking forward to surgery, I am looking forward to the light at the end of this tunnel.