Category Archives: Uncategorized

Feb 15

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Today was one of those days where I’m grateful it’s over. I volunteered my entire weekend to doing some committee work for the college. It’s been an interesting, but long day. By the end of my time tomorrow, it will be almost 20 hours of meetings. That’s more than enough for an entire week, let alone a weekend. I’m tired.

I am grateful to be part of the committee because I’ve met some interesting people from the community as well as from outside the area. I love hearing an outside view of something work-related. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our own daily grind that we forget about the overall vision or the big picture of how our work informs a greater good. And our work at the college does a lot of good. I was reminded today of how much and in how many different ways we service our community. I was also reminded of how much more we can do. It’s interesting how someone’s outlook can be the deciding factor in whether that is taken positively or negatively. It can be a challenge or a burden. Thankfully, the group I am part of this weekend is more of the challenge-view type. The discussions centered around how and in what ways the challenges before us can be met. There is a movement in our community to transform our city, and the college can play a role in that transformation in many aspects. But it has to be right and sustainable and good for growth. Change for the sake of change isn’t helpful. It takes the right people to see the right opportunities for the right changes. Hopefully, by the end of our day tomorrow, we have identified a clear goal for the college and identified the right people. The growth potential for the college is exciting. And even though it means I gave up my weekend to do it, I am thankful to be part of the process.

Feb 14: Valentine’s Day

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Valentine’s Day. A day of hearts and flowers and smarmy poetry and red and pink everything. I know it’s a Hallmark holiday, manufactured for gift-giving, blah, blah, blah. I know we shouldn’t need an actual day to express our love and appreciation for the people in our lives, but I have to admit, the hopeless romantic in me enjoys this day. Maybe it’s because my mom used to go out for all holidays that I can’t imagine a life without these celebrations. Even when single, I found ways to make a fuss. I give my kids stuff, usually silly themed socks and candy.  I send my friends notes signed BFF. I bring candy or cookies or cupcakes to work to share. I usually try to give some kind of treat to my students. Today I gave my kids a 3 pound bag of gummi bears to share, Hershey bars, and little glass hearts on ribbon. I passed out two bags of candy at work and sent a few sappy emails to friends. I even got some emails sent to me and a couple of sweet surprises –one involving Skittles, my addiction, delivered in a big red heart.

However, the best part of today was getting to spend time with someone who’s just as weird as I am. And I mean that in the best possible way. Isn’t it cool to find someone who clicks with you in a way not everyone else can understand? We had a nice dinner but then spent most of our evening being silly. Laughing at dumb jokes, making up our own dumb jokes, poking fun at each other. It’s the beginning of something I hope lasts a long time. In my effort to enjoy the journey, I’m not looking too far ahead. Instead, I’m thankful for the hours tonight and the anticipation of more to come.

Feb 13

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My day started out with taking my cat in to the vet for a teeth cleaning. He’s had horrible breath lately. To the point where I wished he wouldn’t try to bathe himself because it was making his fur stink. Finally, the day I walked into the living room and thought what died in here? only to discover Sousi yawning next to me, I knew it was time. I’m sure this is making me sound like a terrible pet owner. That I’d let him go so long without addressing an obvious issue. It’s true. I let it go longer than I should have and my only excuse is that I knew how much it was going to cost–more than it cost my daughter’s last visit to the dentist. As a single parent, there are always trade offs when it comes to expenses. If I get one thing this month, I may have to wait on something else. Knowing my cat wasn’t in distress (yes, I checked!) his teeth cleaning got put on the back burner until this month when his lottery ticket was drawn.

When I set the appointment, I explained that I had a 7:30 meeting this morning and the clinic was on my way there so it would be convenient to drop him off early. I was told that even though they opened at 7:30, I could bring him in at 7:15. Perfect. Now I’ve talked about my cat before. He’s 16 pounds, strong, and clever. I’ve never been able to get him into a pet carrier. Instead, I have a big wicker picnic basket with a hinged lid that I can usually lure him into. This morning, I had my daughter help me get him to the car in his basket. Once there I placed my purse on top of the basket to keep him from escaping since the lid doesn’t latch. As soon as I got in the car, he shoved his way out of his basket. Thankfully, my daughter hadn’t made it back to the house, so she helped stick him back, and we place my purse AND my tote bag of books on top of the basket. That seemed to be enough, so off I went. Now Sousi doesn’t like car rides. The only times he’s ever been in the car is when we’ve moved or he’s gone to the vet, so I understand his suspicion. But he’s an extremely vocal cat and I’m an extremely guilty pet parent when it comes to hearing him cry. Our 10 minute ride to the vet consisted of his wails and my singing interspersed with consoling phrases meant to soothe me more than him since he doesn’t understand too many words beyond treats and his name.

Of course I got to the vet early. And sat in the car with him peering pathetically at me through the holes in his basket. Not once did he stop crying. Apparently, the woman who scheduled my appointment forgot to tell anyone else that I was coming at 7:15. The first employee showed up at 7:22. I waited three minutes before carefully removing the barricade and carrying the basket inside. There his howls echoed off the walls and we were ushered into a waiting room where I could finally let him out. He wasn’t happy with me. He paced his way around the room looking every bit like a small tiger and wailed even louder. And like any good parent, I videotaped his tantrum. After a quick overview of expectations from his vet, I gave him a hug and turned him over so I could rush off to the meeting for which I was already 1/2 hr late.

He spent most of the day at the vet. I’m not sure if it’s true for all animals, but they have to put cats under in order to perform this procedure, so there’s always a concern that they may not react well to anesthesia. But I’m thankful to report that his cleaning went well–better than they expected. The staff even wrote “good job” on his paperwork. I’m not surprised. He may be a loud complainer, but he’s really not ever had issues or given me problems. So now, besides taking care of a potential health concern, his clean teeth also mean clean breath, which makes it much easier to cuddle. Bonus.

Feb 12

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I haven’t been feeling the best the last few days. It’s been an off and on kind of thing, but I heard that the stomach flu is going around.  I have pushed myself to go to the gym anyway, hoping to sweat out any virus I may be harboring. I’m going again tonight and maybe sit in the sauna for a while.  I’ve also been taking extra vitamins. I know there’s a lot of controversy surrounding homeopathic medicine, but I do think some things make a difference. Like a positive outlook. I’m trying that too. I’ve been so excited to have gone this far into the winter without my usual bronchitis that I’m really hoping this thing passes. However, I’m thankful that I haven’t gotten full-blown sick thus far. I’m going to bed early, though, just in case.

Feb 11

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I read an article about the CEO of AOL using families of premature infants as part of the reason the company needed to make cuts in benefits. Apparently, the costs associated with the care of two infants was upwards of two million dollars. Not surprising. The cost of healthcare in this country is astounding. However, his comments brought upon a backlash and caused him to ultimately reverse the company decision to cut benefits. This article brought to mind a couple of things for me. First, I understand the company’s need to look at the cost of healthcare. I was recently on a work committee that was charged with finding ways to reduce our own healthcare costs and find new plans to offer to our employees. We weren’t privy to the claims made of our employees, and I wouldn’t want to single out anyone who had need of medical services, regardless of the associated costs. After all, that’s why we pay for health insurance–in case we need it. The rising costs of healthcare and insurance is staggering and the impact to businesses is real. It’s a political conundrum that probably won’t be solved by our current policies. But I don’t like to get into politics. The other thing that came to mind, however, is more personal. I was on the receiving end of this story. My oldest daughter was born 3 months premature.

It was a shock, of course. Looking back it seemed there was a warning sign–a constant backache for a couple of weeks–but nothing major. I hadn’t yet gotten to the point in my pregnancy where I was huge and had learned about labor and expectations. The morning she was born, I felt some cramping and eventually called my doctor’s office. I was given an appointment for later in the day. I called my mom and told her I wasn’t feeling so well and described some of the pain. She told me to keep track of it and call my doctor back if it seemed to increase. I was going to simply go back to bed but the pain escalated quickly. To the point where I also realized there was a pattern to it. I called my doctor back and was told to come in, but by then I couldn’t stand straight and knew I couldn’t drive across town. I called a friend to take me. By the time she arrived, I could barely walk. When we made it to the clinic, I was in so much pain, they sent a nurse out to the car and called an ambulance. I was taken back across town, wheeled in to the hospital, moved to a bed and delivered my daughter within 10 minutes of arriving. I remember the room was filled with people, none of whom I knew. But I also didn’t care. It was surreal and frightening. They whisked her away so quickly I didn’t even get a chance to see her. She weighed 2 pounds, 3.5 ounces. I have a picture of her before they put her in the incubator, full of tubes and wires, gripping her dad’s pinky. She was no bigger than her dad’s hand.

My daughter was one of the lucky ones. Well, we all were. She spent two and a half months in the infant ICU and was allowed to go home when she reached 5 pounds. I could write volumes about the agony of that time. The fear, the guilt, the discovering, the elation that went with all the milestones of watching a premature infant finish growing inside a plastic dome. There were so many things that could go wrong. There were many other infants and parents going through the same struggle as we during that time. Not all of them went as unscathed as we did. The only lasting effects of my daughter’s birth were on her eyesight (she needed glasses in kindergarten but grew out of them by high school) and a scar she will always have on the inside of her arm where the pic line was inserted. And of course, the life-changing psychological effects it had on me and her father.

I don’t usually think about my daughter’s tough beginning until I run across something like that article to remind me. I am, of course, always thankful for the outcome we had. But the article also reminded me that I’m thankful I didn’t have the worry of a mountain of medical debt on top of everything else. I had good insurance at the time. I wish that were true for everyone.

Feb 10

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I mentioned a few posts back that my class has been a bit blah lately. Well, with school cancellations and the MLK holiday, it’s been a slow start to the semester. It seems as if we haven’t had a full week of classes yet, although we are in week 5. It’s not that my students are doing anything wrong; they’re simply quiet. More quiet than I like. I’m used to trying to corral people and keep them focused long enough to complete an agenda. As an instructor, I’m more comfortable with a class in which students interact and I do less lecturing. And based on a quick learning style survey I had my students take early on, most of them enjoy group work more than solo work as well. So I’ve been trying to figure out a way to get them engaged.

Tonight I decided to take a few minutes at the beginning of class to simply chat. As I took attendance (my habit) I posed the question, Did anyone do anything fun or exciting over the weekend? Silence.

One girl finally offered, I went to the mall, but that’s not really exciting.

No, I said. Not really.

Homework, a guy in the back chimed in. I stopped myself from calling him a suck-up.

Nothing, really? This is probably why they don’t talk. Although, I’ve learned over the years that sometimes, it’s just that they’re afraid to. I finally said, Well, I went to the Zac Brown concert.

A hand shot up. So did I!  FINALLY. But why didn’t he mention it immediately?

We talked a bit about that concert and music in general and other concerts people had gone to. I talked about the Stone Sour concert I went to a couple weeks ago, which elicited some laughter and the comment that they didn’t really see me as a hard rock person. Ahhh!..appearances really can deceive. It took less than ten minutes, but there was an tangible shift in the room. Everyone seemed a little more relaxed. For the rest of the class time, they worked in small groups on the current chapter we’re studying. Each group covered a section they will present to the rest of the class tomorrow. It was great to see them interacting. I almost hated to stop them when class time was over. There was a lot of laughter. A bit of chummy arguing, even.  And everyone was involved. No one just sat and stared. That’s the kind of class time I find most rewarding. Of course, not every class can be that way. Some material won’t be conducive to group work. But I think a few barriers came down tonight. Now that they have chatted and become a little more personal to each other, it will be easier for some of them to speak up later. For that, I’m very thankful.

Feb 9

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I’m lucky enough to have several people in my life to whom I can go to for advice and a reality check. It’s important for me to be able to talk through my problems or worries. I’ve discovered that the quicker I can get out of my own head, so to speak, the easier it is for me to put things into perspective. One of my favorite quotes is “Wherever you go, there you are.” I first heard that when I was kid watching The Adventures of Buckaroo Bonzai Across the 8th Dimension, and it’s always stayed with me. Even as a child, I got the deeper meaning of that. The idea that you can never be away from yourself. Essentially, of everyone in the world, the only person you’re really stuck with is you. That’s why I’m all for self-improvement. And I’ve had a lot of self to improve over the years.

One of my biggest lessons and ongoing struggles is with patience. I’m not so bad with the daily, hurry up everyone! kind of patience (except in the car), but the big picture kind. The when is everything going to make sense?kind. Once I have something in mind that I want to move forward on, I want to do it NOW. Or if I’m waiting for events to come together, I want to intervene and prod them along.  I told someone the other day that if I were given a crystal ball, I’d probably look at my future, just to know the highlights. See if I’m on the right direction. Verify that what I’m doing is working. I have not been the best at sitting back and letting life percolate. But I’m learning. I’ve had people in my life that I think entered just for me to practice on. And then I’ve had people enter who have encouraged me to practice what I’ve already learned. There’s one lady in particular who has been helpful to me lately in that way. She’s so very wise and articulate that talking with her is a blessing. She has a wonderful way of being straight with me, giving advice but in an affirmative way, reminding me that I need to enjoy the process of becoming. Just last week, when I expressed some anxiety over a relationship that’s been complicated, she gently encouraged me to simply let it evolve at its own pace. Apparently, I have a knack for getting in my own way. She’d never say it that bluntly, but in so many nicer ways, that’s what she’s able to remind me to stop doing. And she’s been right. When I’ve taken a deep breath, slowed myself down, and stepped back instead of stepping in, things have had a way of working out smoother and sometimes even quicker than I expected. I’m immensely grateful for her non-judgmental openness and beautiful spirit. Her insight and reminders. I’m thankful today that our life paths crossed when they did. Just when I needed her.

Feb 8

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I have a cat. He’s a sixteen pound orange tabby whose name is Sousi. It’s a misspelling of the French word souci, which means a worry or concern. His first vet office spelled it with an “s” so we just went with it. I guess that’s what you get when you’re trying to be clever by choosing a word in a foreign language few Americans speak. Of course, most people hear Susie, figuring its a female cat or, like my mother, have trouble pronouncing it at all and call him Sushi. I usually call him SUESS! or Sousibous or schnooks. Or sometimes it’s damnit cat or stupid cat depending on how precariously I’m about to trip over him.

I found him in an abandoned building on a piece of property I once owned. Actually, the night I spotted him, there were two kittens. My husband at the time said he had seen a cat prowling around, so we left the kittens assuming the momma cat would come back. And she did, but only for one. After a few days, I couldn’t stand it. I was too worried about him left alone in the winter, so I brought him home. (Hence his name.) He was barely bigger than my hand and I had to nurse him with a doll-sized bottle. He was the fluffiest, cutest little kitten. Then he grew. Imagine the most rambunctious two year old toddler you know and put him in cat form. That’s what he was like. He loved to hide in doorways or under footstools and jump out as we passed by, grabbing on to ankles and feet and scaring the crap out of us. He’d run through the house sounding like a little horse, climbing up whatever he could. Yet at night, he’d sneak into my bedroom with only the briefest of sounds and spring onto my bed like a ninja cat, usually directly on top of me. Then he’d chase my moving feet under the covers. It would surprise me every time.

These days, he’s become fat and much lazier. He’s close to 13 years old, so it’s no shock that he’d much rather cuddle than scare us with his antics. He loves to hug and if I put my finger in his paw, I swear he holds it, curling his little toes around as far as he can. I used to sing You are My Sunshine while dancing with him and when he’d gaze at me lovingly, I’d tell him that he was so handsome, if I were a cat, I’d marry him. It makes me laugh to even type that. Funny the things we say and do with our pets. Unfortunately, I’ve been guilty lately of complaining about how needy he is…he insists on being on me every chance he can. He’s not happy simply curled up near me, he wants to be as close to my face as possible. And some nights, I’m just too busy to be that attentive to him. But like most pets, he keeps coming back. Tonight when I got home, he was at the door waiting for me as usual. He followed me every where I went and sat in my lap as soon as I sat. Everyone should have someone or something in their lives that adores them that much. Today I’m thankful for my Sousi and his consistent reminder that I’m loved.

Feb 7

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In case you missed it, today was the opening ceremony for the Winter Olympics. I haven’t actually watched it yet, since I didn’t find a live feed, but I plan to later. From what I’ve read and seen online, it looks like quite the fanfare. It should be interesting. I’m not an obsessive watcher of the games, but I do enjoy it catching what I can, especially the figure skating and all of the skiing events. Oh, and the luge; that is amazing. I guess I just listed half of the winter sports, so I probably watch more than I think I do.

When I was a kid I loved skating–roller skating and ice skating. I was pretty good, too. I could skate backwards and make small jumps and go on one leg. In my mind I was graceful and fluid. I pictured myself skating like the beautiful girls in the Olympics and wished I had a handsome, strong partner who could pick me up over his head. Instead, I was stuck my sisters who would rather knock me over than help me with my form. One of them even skated over my hand once and cut my finger almost to the bone. It kind of took the fun out of it. Since I never took lessons, so I’m sure I wasn’t as much graceful and poised as I was slow and careful. But it didn’t matter. I think any kid who loves a sport at some point pictures themselves in the Olympics. It’s the epitome of athletic prowess. The dedication required for an athlete to compete at the Olympic level is beyond me. The personal stories are often so interesting, inspiring and yet sometimes heartbreaking to hear. So many of them give up much of what we call our daily lives to get there, focusing solely on their craft. I find it fascinating.

Of course, I find the whole idea of the Olympics fascinating. The fact that these games have been going on regularly since 1894 and include over 200 participating nations from all continents is mind blowing. We can’t even get our own two political parties to play well together, but we can have thousands of people from that many countries coming together for a common cause? This is like the Super Bowl on steroids. Everything I said about football and sports bringing people closer together is magnified for the Olympics. Whole nations are rallying behind their athletes. I’ve never been to a live Olympic event, but I imagine it’s an overwhelming experience. The energy and pride and competition must be tangible in the air. I’m sure I’d come back home and strap on my skates again, I’d be so inspired.

But one of the coolest things, in my opinion, about the entire Olympics is the Olympic Creed: The most important thing in the Olympic Games is not to win but to take part, just as the most important thing in life is not the triumph but the struggle. The essential thing is not to have conquered but to have fought well.  I’m sure every one of the athletes in Sochi right now are hoping to win a gold medal, yet that’s not really the point of it all. The point is simply to be there. To have practiced endlessly, competed for years, and shown up to do their best, against the best. It’s a good reminder that the win isn’t everything. Sometimes the win is the end. It’s the getting there that matters.

Feb 6

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I’m seriously tired of the cold. The snow. And the wind. I’m trying really hard to find some good things in this miserable weather. I was talking with a co-worker the other day about winter. We agreed that it isn’t that we hate it. After all, there is still fun to be had in winter. I do like sledding and ice skating, snowmobiling and skiing. It’s just that with this particular winter, it has been too cold to be outside much at all. Going from my car to my office requires a sprint because the wind is brutal. By the time I get to my office door, I look like I’ve been sobbing. My eyes have watered up, my face is chapped. And I don’t think my feet have been completely warm since October.

Yes, this winter has been challenging. However, I did actually note a few things on my quick jaunts outside today. Have you noticed how when the sun reflects just right on the snow, it sparkles likes glitter? I love that. It seems magical. And there’s a tree in my yard that hasn’t lost all of the berries. They’re hanging like small little ornaments. It attracts birds, and a cardinal sitting on a branch against the white snow is a sight that’s always lovely to me. I’m also fortunate enough to work on a campus that has a park-like setting. There is a pond that attracts a large amount of geese, which typically roam the grounds at will. The buildings are separated by a creek and a large stone bridge and two smaller footbridges connect the sides. There are groves of trees and landscaping that includes a large amount of flowering bushes and native plants. In all seasons, it’s truly a beautiful place to come to on a daily basis. Of course, when something becomes the norm, it’s easy to forget how unique it may really be. Yet there are times I’m reminded. Like today when I was crossing the bridge and a bunny hopped towards me. Or the other night, when I was on that same bridge and the lamps reflected off the frozen creek and outlined the trees and rocks and nature, and the stillness of the setting somehow seemed alive.

As much as I’m counting down the days until Spring (42), I am thankful for the nature around me. Winter can beautiful, even the miserably cold ones.