I’m thankful today for feeling a little more normal, for an ok day at work, for Emma safely getting halfway to New York, and for tomorrow being Friday. Woohoo!

I read a Facebook post about how vast the universe is with billions of stars and how insignificant we are in comparison. It bothered me. Not because I disagree with the infinite amount of stars or how it’s almost impossible to grasp the complexity of the universe out there. I don’t even disagree with the idea that we are a small part of a very large whole. I’ll even admit that we may not be the center of this universe we are in. But I’m tired of the idea that we are insignificant. I’m not. You aren’t.

The world we live in so often feels crazy. And hard. And lonely. Every time I listen to the news I find myself thinking what is wrong with people? So much violence and outlandish behavior. We’re becoming immune to it.

But maybe that’s what happens when people believe they’re insignificant. It’s really hard to care about the big picture when you’re not seen as a valued part of it. The universe is vast and beautiful and each of us is a significant part of it. I wish that was the message I’d see on repeat everywhere. I’m grateful to be part of this amazing world, and I’m grateful you are, too.

The second day of the new year and things are getting real. Someone at work quit, which is going to mean more work for the rest of us. And Emma got a job offer for a place in New York. It wasn’t as good as she was hoping, but since she’s moving there this week anyway, it gets her a start.

I’m thankful Emma got a job for her new start. I’m grateful I’m feeling better today. And I’m thankful for a good Manhattan tonight after dinner. It was worth skipping a dose of Sudafed for.

Hopefully, starting the year out with Covid means it only gets better from here. Granted, I’ve been sick for the past (almost) week, but last week the Covid test was negative. Today, after feeling even worse, I tested again. Ugh.

I am thankful that I’m probably getting past the worst of it, that the kids got home safely yesterday and that today was a good day for lounging with Patrick and the pups. Cooper especially enjoyed the movie Love and Monsters. Barley, not so much.

And here we are again. Another year has passed. Who was it that said the days are long but the years are short? I think it was in relation to child rearing with a warning not to miss how quickly the children grow up. But it’s a saying for all of us—parents or not. The years are short, so our days, long or not, need to matter.

In all honesty, I feel like I wasted this past year just moving blindly through my days. Don’t get me wrong, a lot of things happened. Good things like I got to see Emma a couple of times and Bree and Noah. I got together with friends and my family, visited a couple places with Patrick, produced some art, got our backyard finished, and adopted Cooper. There were also some really sad things, like saying goodbye to Chance. And as predicted last New Year’s Eve, I had another reconstruction surgery, with a new doctor who was pretty amazing. My hope wasn’t misplaced.

I can’t believe I have another surgery scheduled next year. A follow up to my reconstruction. August’s diep flap was all about removing the damaged skin and implants and recreating breasts. April’s surgery will be about making things look better, the real plastic surgery. Who would have thought that my cancer stuff would extend into a fourth year. Not me.

I think part of why I feel like I wasted this year is that I spent too much of it planning for and recovering from the reconstruction. Too much time. Too much mental energy. Maybe I’ll always have something lingering to deal with, but it’s time for me to move on from it. My days still matter.

I don’t make New Year’s resolutions, but being grateful for the life I have means I want it to be the best life it can be. And that means I need to be the best version of me. So I’m going to work on that next year—letting go, moving on, making memories, making myself as well and healthy as I can be. Intentionally. I hope you join me, and I hope we all have an amazing year.

We woke to the most beautiful frost this morning that lasted a good portion of the day. I wish I had gotten better pictures, but I didn’t think about it until Patrick and I were out for a drive.

I’m thankful I was feeling well enough to get out of the house for a short bit, although I got pretty tired by early afternoon. Then it was nice to just relax and watch junk movies. The kids showed up with enough time for us to hang out a little bit before bedtime. They fly out in the morning, but I’m grateful to see them before they leave.

I got the crud that was going around work a week ago. Yesterday I started with a cough and today was all chest congestion. I answered work emails at home for a little bit in the morning and then went back to bed. Only Cooper wasn’t cooperating. First he opened the bathroom door, which brought in the light. So I got up and shut it. Then he brought in a squeaky toy, followed by opening the drapes at the door, letting in the light again. When I finally got him to relax in bed, he draped himself completely across my legs. Good thing Barley got himself settled early so only one pup was a pain in the butt.

I slept maybe an hour, hour and a half. But it helped for a time. So did Mucinex. But I remained tired all day. I’m thankful that I didn’t have anything at work to worry about, that Patrick made me homemade soup, and that I was able to lounge with the pups all day.

I’m thankful for good friends who know me well. For thoughtful and creative Christmas presents. For a short work week. And for cough medicine.

The kids left today to spend a few days with their dad. I’m so grateful to see them even as I’m aware things don’t feel the same anymore when we’re together. They’re adults with their own routines. I don’t know how late they sleep in. They no longer remember where the plates are kept. Our lives aren’t intertwined, which is how it should be, but it’s also bittersweet. And a reminder that we don’t see each other nearly enough.

Still, I’m so glad we got to spend Christmas together. And I’m thankful that Noah is feeling better today after being under the weather all day yesterday. And that Emma’s online interview for a new job went well this morning. And I’m thankful that I’ll get to see the kids again on Saturday before they fly back home to their own lives.

I’m grateful for another day of hanging out with my kids, just running errands, and doing stuff at home.