April 28, 2021

My new boots!

I’m down to 3 more treatments! Today I wore my curly wig that I’ve had for quite a while. I hadn’t worn it because it was supposed to be blonde, but it looks more gray. And it’s pretty big so I questioned whether I could pull it off. But today I decided I really didn’t care. Funny thing is that a couple of the nurses told me it was their favorite so far. Go figure.

Yesterday I wore my blue wig when I went for my bloodwork and doctor visit. My doctor loves the colors. He laughs every time he sees them and even said he suggested to his wife that she try a fun color. (She declined.) His nurse told me that when another nurse commented that a patient had a colorful wig on, she replied, “Oh, that’s Melissa!” I’m guessing not too many other patients are as noticeable. And the lady who checks us in every day always comments on my shoes or outfit. She also wears funky attire, and we’ve bonded over shoes.

I go to the cancer center so often that when I get in the car, my phone gives me a notice telling me how long it will take me to get there. So it makes me happy to have connected to the staff and know that they smile when they see me. I’m thankful that I pushed aside my early doubts about wearing silly wigs and my doubt about today’s choice. It’s fun to step outside my comfort zone in this way. It’s been a good reminder that sometimes we hold ourselves back because we think we’ll look or seem silly, when really we just look like our original selves.

April 27, 2021

I read this today and started thinking about what I’ve learned so far during my cancer journey. I’ve learned that while it’s not a strong suit, I do have patience when I need it. It’s been a long 5 months, but the end keeps getting closer. I haven’t been able to change this course or speed it up or deviate from it. I’ve simply had to keep going and be patient, trusting that the end will come and it will be a good one. I’m thankful for this.

When I think about the opportunities on this path, it’s a bit harder. Sure I’ve had the opportunity to think about my life in a broader sense, to reflect on the important things as any major illness will inspire and try to prioritize the important things. But I’m still looking for the opportunities that may wait. I like the idea that something random and good could come along side the bad. Life can be both at the same time.

April 26, 2021

We were outside with the pups this evening like normal, and while I was sitting on our stone wall watching them, I also kept looking at the trees. Everything was budding and lovely. The breeze was warm, the sun was out, and I was once again thankful for the space we have and our moments in it.

April 25, 2021

Why do weekends not last long enough? This one seemed to go by extra quick. Although I got all the typical weekend stuff done—laundry and vacuuming and mopping—fun remains on my to-do list. I’ll have to find time this week for it.

I am grateful though that the chemo side effects were mild enough this time that I only needed Tylenol once on Saturday. The rest of the weekend, I was able to endure the aches without much trouble. That’s such a huge win.

April 23, 2021

I’m also about that much more tired too. Haha.

Today I’m thankful for the following:

Phone calls from my mom and my father

Finishing a gift card from a good friend for a yummy dinner

First vaccine doses for a couple family members

Making it for walks in the neighborhood all week

Friday!!

April 22, 2021

Work has been hard lately. Frustrating. And not because of my illness. There have simply a lot of changes that have made it less enjoyable and rewarding.

Today I’m thankful, though, for supportive colleagues; those who listen and offer advice, those who make me laugh, those who send get well messages. I’m grateful to work with some good people.

April 21, 2021

Clear heels!

Only 4 more treatments to go! Yay! I wore my storage unit wig today and even put on fake eyelashes. It’s weird not having eyelashes and eyebrows anymore. My face feels so bare. But the fake lashes looked awkward without actual lashes too. Oh well. I’ll keep trying.

I’ve started getting neuropathy after last week’s treatment. I had been feeling it off and on previously, but it’s definitely more often now. My nurse asked about side effects, so I told her about it. Since my oncologist was out today, she had the doctor on call talk to me about it before starting treatment. We decided it’s still mild enough not to change anything. However, if it gets worse, they may need to lower my dose again. Fingers crossed it holds off. Since my dose was already lowered, I’d really like to get through the next four without changing it.

I’m thankful things are still going well overall. I’m grateful for the sunshine today even though it was cold again. I’m happy to be so close to the finish line.

April 19, 2021

I’m grateful today for music. I was feeling wiped after work, but I wanted to work on the wreaths I didn’t finish over the weekend. So when I went to my craft room, I streamed something not my norm. I put on Michael Bublé, and it reminded me of the time years ago that I saw him in concert. To this day, it’s one of my favorite concerts ever—and I’m normally a rock music girl. But the concert and the night out with one of my best girlfriends at the time was memorable and so much fun.

I love how music can energize and transport us to a memory so easily. When I lived alone, music was my go-to over the television. Of course, that’s when I could sing and dance with abandon as well without anyone seeing and judging me. These days I have to wait for Patrick to leave the house, and even then the dogs give me side eye. Oh well, I love music and today I’m thankful for it in my craft room.