February 17, 2021

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Today I’m thankful for something weird: my tennis ball.

I got a tennis ball a long time ago to use for sore muscles. It helped me get through frozen shoulder, which was some of the worst pain I’ve ever experienced. Of course, it wasn’t all the tennis ball then, I also had a great massage guy. What I wouldn’t give for a good massage today.

I’ve been so tired tonight but my legs have been restless, which means I haven’t been able to relax. So I used my tennis ball. It’s strange to be grateful for something so trivial but it helped tonight. At least for a while.

February 16, 2021

Posted on by under cancer

Woohoo! Today I’m very thankful to have the last of the big chemo days done.

In a couple of weeks I’ll start the weekly treatments, which will hopefully be easier. At the very least, it doesn’t typically have mouth sores as a side effect, so that’s something to be glad about.

I’m almost halfway through the whole treatment plan (what?!), and I’m grateful that I’ve gotten this far without too much trouble. It’s been amazing that I haven’t been nauseous at all. It seems taking part in the clinical trial for anti-nausea medicine was a good choice.

Oh, I’m also grateful that Patrick has figured out how to get my shoes into my pictures because they’re always the star.

February 15, 2021

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The last couple of days, I felt ok. Then today, I was back to having a headache, my mouth sores hurt, my eyes burned, and I have a rash starting on my face. Why can things go great one day and then so bad the next?!

I try to remember this quote on days like today. I don’t want to be negative all the time, even when that would be so easy to do. So I did what any grown woman would do, I called my mom to whine. It helps to get it out, and then put it into perspective. And my mom didn’t disappoint. She’s always sympathetic but then helps me find something to laugh about. I felt better by the end of our conversation. Things are still uncomfortable but I’ll survive.

February 14, 2021

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Happy Valentine’s Day! I hope you spent time with someone you love, especially if that person is you.

Today I’m thankful for all the weirdos in my life, but especially my special one, Patrick. I can’t imagine going through this year, let alone the rest of my life with anyone else. When you find someone who not only has your back, but challenges you to be a better person, hold onto them. ❤️

February 12, 2021

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Usually I’m a big advocate for uniqueness. I like people and things that are different. Quirky. Strange. I agree with Maya Angelou.

But today, I’m thankful because I felt normal again. No headaches. No yuck stomach. No watery eyes and nose bleeds. I was even hungry at lunch for the first time in weeks. And I had enough energy after work to make cookies!

Also, because feeling normal means I’m all for dressing up, I put on a wig and lipstick.

I’m not sure what the change was, but it was welcome. I’m thankful for this day of normalcy. Normal feels good.

February 11, 2021

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I mentioned previously that I have a friend who was diagnosed with breast cancer about a month before I was. While she was able to have a lumpectomy already, we are on the same chemo treatment plan, and she is one cycle ahead of me. Oddly enough, we work together too.

We don’t always talk about it, but occasionally we check in. Today after work, I called her since it had been a while that we talked cancer and not just work stuff. It was good to compare where we were at and find some common complaints. Ugh, the dry skin. The emotional rollercoaster. The everlasting quarantine. Soon we were laughing about needing to draw on eyebrows. I told her I warned Patrick that he would know my mood by how they were drawn.

When I was diagnosed, I told her we were bosom buddies, and she found this shirt for us.

While we certainly wish for each other not to have cancer, we have admitted that we find it comforting to have someone to commiserate with who gets it firsthand. In real-time. Today, checking in and being able to laugh about some of our difficulties helped lighten the load a bit. I’m thankful for our friendship.

February 10, 2021

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It was an early morning after a restless night. After a 6 am meeting, I took the rest of the day off work and went back to bed.

For whatever reason, I’ve been starting and ending my days with headaches lately, which adds a layer to the fatigue. I think it also adds a layer to my mental fatigue. It’s hard enough to concentrate when you’re tired, but tired with a pounding head? Forget it.

After resting for a while, I felt physically better. And having a day open to doing whatever I wanted was good for my mind. I caught up on the cleaning I was too tired for on the weekend and finished some crafts I had started. It was a relaxing and not long enough. Even still, I’m thankful for this day off. I needed it.

February 9, 2021

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I’m in a rut. I realized today I have the same routine. 7 am work. During the day, I think about what I want to do after work. After work, I lose my motivation and end up just checking on my personal emails then watching tv with Patrick. By 8 pm, I’m almost tired enough for bed, but I push through at least until 9 pm.

Before the pandemic hit, we went to the gym fairly regularly. When it closed, we got some inexpensive equipment to use at home. I’ve mostly avoided it. I know I need more exercise, and I also need more energy. So today after work I got on the treadmill instead. Amazingly, I did feel a bit better for a while afterwards. Enough so that I ruined the effect by making rice pudding before dinner.

At any rate, I’m thankful for the change in routine that made me feel a little better for a little while. I’m going to try to shake up the routine and get in some exercise daily. I know; I said try. Baby steps.