I’m grateful this week for having Friday off work and going to a girls retreat for the weekend. It was at a lake house and it was beautiful.

It was also quiet. The view from my room was of the frozen lake.

It was supposed to be more women, but it ended up being just three of us. We spent most of the weekend chatting and getting to know each other better in between thrifting and going out to dinner.

It was the relaxing weekend I needed.

It was love week, with Valentines’s Day. Patrick and I had a lovely dinner to celebrate, although we had a nervous drive home in a snow storm.

I also had a fun girl’s cocktail class this week for the holiday. It got rescheduled due to another snowstorm, which was to our advantage since the size of the class shrunk and allowed a more interactive setting.

Aside from Valentine’s Day celebrating, I’m grateful for Patrick’s continued support during tough work days, for finishing a good book and starting another, for silly pups in the snow, and for future weekend away plans.

I’m thankful this week for some small moments, like beautiful sunrises, the fact that the sun is still out when I leave work, for silly conversations, book club meetings, spontaneous get togethers, and puppy cuddles.

I was also reminded this week what it means to live large. One of my college professors passed away this week, and I went to his celebration of life. When I got there, it was mostly family who were sharing stories about Mark. It was so evident that they were a close family who shared years of close ties and many memorable experiences. He was a big personality who impacted me greatly in the couple of years I knew him. He was one of my coaches when I was on the speech team and I remember him vividly. Being at his memorial service reminded me that there is a difference between living and having a life. I’m not sure how to act on that right now, but I will.

Geez, these weeks seem long. I almost forget what’s happened from Sunday to Sunday. I’m going to say that a big part of the reason is that work gets too consuming and it feels like there’s not much else in my life. Not a good place to be. And a reminder for myself to actively work on changing that.

Today I got some spring and Valentine decor set up in my booth. It feels kinda hopeful to think about Spring in the midst of blahness. I’m thankful for Patrick’s help getting my stuff moved around and the Christmas leftovers put away in my storage shed.

This week I got to the gym a couple of times. Yay! Mostly because I really needed the stress release this week. I’m glad for it because as I mentioned before, I’m feeling stronger. I’ve noticed, though, that my left hand is swollen more often than not now. I’m still pretty sure it’s because of the tight muscles and I don’t know if my weight lifting is helping or hurting. Grrr. I’ll keep going and hope it evens out. Or I’ll get more massages. I’m still learning how to handle this continued issue. It’s just the way it is.

I’m grateful this week for friendships. The ones that get you reading or listening to uplifting music. I’m also thankful for honest talking, fish fries with IPAs on the side, warmer weather, sleeping in, and support during my angry moments.

It’s been a long week. Work was frustrating. Patrick got a head cold. My sinuses went crazy. And it was COLD. And that’s to say nothing about our politics and all the changes happening these days.

I’m trying to keep plowing ahead, knowing that everything is temporary. For instance, this week is going to be a lot warmer. Yay! And Patrick and I are both feeling a bit better.

I had some highlights even during this stressful week, for which I’m grateful. I had a lunch meeting where we had chocolate fondue over mini candle warmers. I met a friend after work one night for a tour of a large local company, which was super interesting. And Patrick and I also had a fun day shopping in Madison this weekend. Also, since Patrick wasn’t feeling great, he slept on the sofa a lot of nights and the pups slept with him. That meant I had lots of room to sleep and slept pretty well all week. Haha!.

Today we were going to meet my mom, Jenny and Jim for lunch and a little shopping, but Jenny got sick. Boooo. I was really looking forward to it, so I was disappointed. However, I feel bad that Jenny is sick and hope she gets better quickly. So instead of going shopping with Patrick, I spent my day mending some of my clothes and adding gems to a jacket that I’ve had for months. And the pups and I followed the sun around the house.

I’m grateful this week for a good oncology check up. I don’t have to go for another six months. Yay! I’ll see my radiation oncologist this week for a yearly check, which I expect to go well, too.

I’m also grateful for some of the small stuff this week:

A great massage

Delivered coffee

Jokes from friends and family

Puppy walks

Breakfast with Patrick

Sunshine during freezing temps

Feeling just a little stronger

Geez the weeks go by quickly. This week was pretty quiet on the work front, which was really nice. I’m down for less stress this year. We’ll see how long it lasts.

Well, I’m happy to report that I got to the gym a couple of times. I planned to go again today, but I got my Covid booster this afternoon and then realized I didn’t have yellow paper for a project I needed for a work thing tomorrow. So I spent too much time dinking around the craft store and got home in time for dinner. Working out on a full stomach is blech.

This week I’m thankful for getting together with new friends, making plans with old friends, finding new kitchen table chairs, and weeding out the closet of old clothes.

I’m also grateful for the photo from May of 2021 that popped up on my phone, reminding me of how far I’ve come in the last several years. The power of perseverance is great, as is the ability to heal!

It’s been weird not writing every day, but I’ve still found things every day to be thankful for. For instance, my first week of January had only two work days, and I even snuck out early the second day. I wish every work week was that easy; it certainly would be less stressful.

I also eased into getting back to the gym. I decided I’m going to plan to go there on Tuesdays and Thursdays after work. Last week, I made it there on Thursday since it was closed New Year’s Eve. While I don’t at all enjoy the gym, it does feel good to be active.

I was pretty active in other ways this week, too, mostly by getting my craft room put back together after moving in that big cabinet. I’m not 100% sure I’m content with the configuration but I do like it more open. It’s been nice to sit in my chair with a cup of tea and plan my next project.

We also had friends over whom we haven’t seen in quite a while. Patrick made a Mediterranean meal, our friends brought beer to share, and we spent a few hours catching up. It was a good addition to a good first week of the year.

Welcome to 2025. We made it! I’m once again not making any formal resolutions, but I do have some hopes for this year. Finally, I’m entering this year without a surgery ahead of me. No cancer-related anything except my normal checkups. And I’m guessing that those appointments will become longer in-between. I’m so incredibly grateful to have that all behind me now.

In some aspects, I feel like I now have the hard work of actually leaving my cancer life behind for good. That’s what I want to do this year. Rebuild my strength, move on with confidence in a body that now makes me feel my age, and let go of the lingering, mostly irrational, fear that still creeps up.

I’ve been thinking of this fear and what it stems from because it’s not a fear of dying. Instead, I believe it’s a fear of being ill. It’s crazy how those months of chemo and radiation imprinted on me. Before I had an unwavering belief that I could accomplish anything I wanted to. Move a sofa down a flight of stairs? No problem. Bike around town for an hour? Sure. Recite a poem I learned back in college? Of course.

But now I’m not sure of myself anymore. I’m sore all the time. I forget things. I feel old and tired. I acknowledge it’s not lingering effects of my treatments, aside from putting me into menopause, which has its own contributing factors. It’s lingering effects of allowing myself to live with an illness mindset. It’s time to let it go. I may have damaged muscles, a numb midsection, occasional nerve pain, but I’m not incapable. So this is my year to shake it off.

I started this blog up again after my cancer diagnosis, and it’s helped me look for the good moments of every day. I’m so grateful I’ve had a lot of them. And I’m grateful for everyone who has supported me and been a part of this four-year journey.

I’m not going to write every day anymore. Instead I’ll sum up my moments once a week. I hope you continue to follow. It’s going to be a good year, no matter what happens. Life is beautiful. I can’t wait to live it fully.

I had my doubts, but we got this crazy big cabinet into my craft room this morning. I’m thankful it wasn’t more trouble than it was worth because I love it. I still have some tweaking and putting away to do, but it’s going to be good. Yay!!

Tonight we went to an early seating of a special dinner at a local place we enjoy. It didn’t disappoint. The food was delicious and the atmosphere was as lovely as ever. We even met a couple who was from the same Texas area as Patrick, so we had a trip down memory lane talking about local restaurants and hot spots. I’m thankful for a great New Year’s Eve.