October 2, 2023

I’m officially eight weeks post surgery, and I went back to work today. I was exhausted and sore when I got home. And running a low grade fever. Maybe I overdid it or maybe I have something going on. Last night the incision on my left breast started weeping. I sent a message to my surgeon’s office and they suggested I don’t use the hot tub anymore for a while. I’ll also need to keep an eye on it for any signs of infection. So frustrating.

So…aside from all that, here is how I’m doing at two months for anyone interested or considering diep flap reconstruction:

My incisions are (mostly) healed but still red. There has been some fat necrosis on the left side of my chest, so there is a section of hard, immovable skin, which sits on my tight tendon. Physical therapy is helping with the tightness and massaging the necrosis section is helping it move a little. The transplanted skin from my stomach is a different color than the skin on my chest, so that’s disarming. My doctor said it may get less noticeable over time.

My stomach still feels tight, but I can stand mostly straight now. There is still swelling which means my stomach has no “give,” and I can’t wear anything that’s too tight. No squeezing myself into jeans. Also, the longer the day goes on, the more swelling seems to happen. Swelly belly is what a lot of women who have gone through this surgery call it. In addition to that, my stomach skin is SUPER sensitive to the texture of fabric. I’m trying to wear normal clothes again but it’s hard. I ordered belly bands and hope they are thin enough that I can wear them under my clothes without adding a lot of bulk or warmth. They have to be better than the abdominal binder I no longer need to wear.

I am able to lay on my side, although I can’t stay there too long before it feels weird. I also was able to lay on my stomach during physical therapy, which I haven’t been able to do in two years. It was glorious. No pain.

I can lift things heavier than 10 pounds now but I still do so carefully, using my knees and all that. I can’t sit up without turning and pushing myself up. Engaging my stomach muscles for anything feels really uncomfortable, although I’m slowly adding some exercises to my stretching routine. Sitting too long makes my stomach feel weird. Twisting feels weird. Notice a pattern? I suspect my stomach is going to feel weird for a while.

I still get random sharp pains or a dull ache in areas where the nerves were cut. It’s tolerable. And my new belly button is still red but looks like my old belly button.

Would I do it again? Yes, assuming nothing goes amiss at this point. Otherwise I’ll probably wish I had taken out the implants and left it. I’m thankful that my reconstructed breasts are soft, and the heaviness of the implants are gone. I’m thankful that even with the tightness I still have, my range of motion is better. And I’m grateful that although I’m scheduled for revision surgery in April to make everything look better, I don’t have to do it. I can change my mind.

September 6, 2023

I have a spot on my tummy incision that my doctor’s office thinks could be a spitting suture. I thought the nurse misspelled “splitting” but after a google search, I discovered it means a stitch coming to the surface. I’ve been instructed to use warm compresses and antibiotic ointment on it. I’m thankful it’s not actually splitting. I got real nervous for a second visualizing a gaping wound. In fact, most of my incisions are mostly healed. There are some big scabs on my breasts that are still hanging on, but I’ve done really well not picking at anything. And since I’m forbidden from using lotion or anything, I’m really hoping the scars left behind aren’t too bad. I’m glad that every day is a little better, and my physical therapy is helping the tightness and scar tissue.

Mostly healed—even my new bellybutton!
These scabs are hanging on like crazy.

August 21, 2023

I’m two weeks post surgery. It feels longer. I’m able to walk around much easier and am starting to bend over a little better. I’m also making it a bit longer in between pain meds – and at half the dosage I was prescribed. The compression garments are a pain to wear 24/7, mostly because they’re scratchy nylon, although it does feel kinda good to have stomach support. The swelling there is still pretty substantial. From everything I’ve researched, that won’t subside for months.

Even though it feels longer than two weeks, I’m consistently reminded that it’s only been two weeks. While I can move around better, I get exhausted quickly. I napped again this afternoon, after my mom and I finished cleaning the garage. And I’ve started getting the sharp pains of healing nerves and muscles. I still have a long way to go.

I’m thankful I’m able to take it easy, and I still have help this week. I’m expecting next week will be easier. And each week after that…

August 17, 2023

I had my follow up appointment this morning with my plastic surgeon, and I got the wound vac from my stomach as well as three of the four drains removed. I have one remaining in my left hip. The doctor is happy with the progress and of my healing. The incisions look good and the transferred skin is looking healthy. My left breast, which was my problem side all along, is feeling firmer already though. He says it could be some fat dying off or some possible bruising underneath, but it isn’t anything too concerning. He does want me to go to physical therapy soon as it might help with the tendon tightness that is still present.

He also confirmed that the pathology report stated there was some potential skin necrosis happening in my left breast prior to surgery. He said it was quite a mess, so I’m grateful I was finally able to get this done before I had no choice anymore. Now I’ll be wearing compression garments for a while and have a follow up appointment again in a week.

I’m also thankful that I got some visitors today. A couple of friends stopped by with lunch, and we sat outside for a little while and caught up.

Then some other friends stopped by before dinner, and we sat on the deck, too, since it was such a gorgeous day for being outside. They also brought me a gift which made me laugh. They know me well. Skulls and flowers! And coffee! 🤩 It was a good day.

August 10, 2023

I’m home! I was doing so well, they let me leave the hospital a day early. Of course the incisions still look horrible. There is no covering on my new breasts so the incisions are viewable. There’s a lot of bruising and swelling, but the blood flow to my new tissue has been strong, so the likelihood of them failing now is pretty slim. It’s hard to stand upright still, and walking is slow, but my pain is minimal—unless I need to cough. Then it’s miserable.

I got settled at home while the pups were outside, so my arrival was fairly uneventful, which was good. I still have 4 drains in my sides and a wound vac on my stomach. All items very interesting to a pup. The last thing I need is for one of them to jump on me. I think they missed me though. Once they came in and saw me and eventually settled down, they laid by my chair.

I’m thankful to be home—a big step in my recovery.

August 2, 2023

I’ve been working from home this week since I’m trying to be a bit more careful and not be around a lot of people before my surgery. However, today I had to attend an all day meeting with a smallish group of colleagues. I tried to keep a bit of distance just in case anyone had some germs because I will be so very upset if something interferes at this late date. My hand is still swollen, although sometimes it’s better. My implant is practically in my armpit. And I have what appears to be some kind of blood blisters along the side of my breast, I’m assuming from the pressure of the implant. If I weren’t having reconstruction done, I’d simply have the implants removed. I’m thankful to be just days away from some relief. At this point Monday can’t come fast enough.

July 14, 2023

This morning I had an appointment with my oncologist. Well, new one. Last time was the nurse practitioner filling in for my doctor who left the area. Today I met the official replacement. He wasn’t as personable as the one before, but he was thorough. We discussed my ongoing muscle issues, including my swollen hand. He ordered an ultrasound of my arm to make sure it wasn’t being caused by a blood clot since that’s a potential side effect of the tamoxifen I’m taking. Then we discussed switching me from tamoxifen to an aromatase inhibitor since it’s a better medicine post-menopause. But he had my hormone levels checked and ordered a bone density scan again since an AI can weaken bones. Finally, he told me I needed a proper colonoscopy. Yay.

Then I had to have my hormone injection shot, and because of my upcoming surgery, I couldn’t have the shot done in my stomach as usual. Instead, it had to go in the back of my arm. First the nurse did the lidocaine shot, followed by the hormone injection. And my arm wouldn’t stop bleeding. She kept switching out the bandaid and applying pressure, but it bleed for about five minutes. Then I started feeling lightheaded.

The needle hole explains the bruise and the bleeding.

The nurse had me hold my arm while she got help. Two more nurses arrived. One helped stop the bleeding and one gave me a wet rag for my neck. They think the needle maybe hit a nerve. When it seemed the worst had passed, they gave me a soda and left me with the original nurse who said she’d sit with me until I felt better. Then my hands started going numb and the muscles started to contract. My fingers kept curling in on themselves and the tips felt like they were pulsating. It was the weirdest thing ever, but thankfully, only lasted about another 5 minutes or so before I started to feel better. The nurse and I were both a bit startled, but relieved it didn’t last long. Crazy.

So after all that, my hormone levels weren’t at the menopause levels they should be given that the shots should be shutting down my ovaries. I need to stay on tamoxifen, and my doctor said I should do the shots every month instead of every three months. UGH. I go back in six weeks for a re-check. The ultrasound of my arm was clear—no blood clots and no fluid buildup, which I’m thankful for. It must simply be tendinitis, so I’ll keep icing it and trying not to use it so much. I’m grateful nothing more came out of my visit today than a bit of excitement.

June 22, 2023

I was supposed to have a massage on Tuesday, but it got rescheduled to today. I wasn’t happy about it two days ago, but I was sure thankful today. It’s crazy how much my back and shoulder hurts after a couple of weeks, not to say anything about how tight my side gets. It now feels much more relaxed. Yay! I’m now counting down the weeks to getting my implants taken out, and I figure a couple more massages will keep me feeling ok until then.

May 17, 2023

Today we got a new air conditioner put in at our house. It went well and seems to work well. Our old one was 34 years old, so I’m assuming this is one will work more efficiently. It’s already quieter. I’m thankful for that.

I’m also thankful for spontaneous dinner out with a friend. We took some photos ahead of time, so she could have new head shots for her busy consulting work. Then we celebrated that our podcast that came out today and ran into my plastic surgeon, who chatted with us a bit. I was able to tell him how much his positive attitude meant to me during my visits with him. It was good conversation and needed connections midweek.

February 1, 2023

I’ve been feeling anxious lately. I’m sure the winter doldrums isn’t helping, but I’m also sure that my upcoming doctor’s appointments are part of it. This month feels like it will be pivotal, and I’m worried about getting bad news. This week I’ll meet with a new doctor about getting my ovaries removed, next week I’ll meet with a new doctor about my reconstruction, and the following week I’ll have an MRI to check that I’m still cancer free. It feels like finals week, and I haven’t been studying.

So I’m feeling like this self-portrait I drew, a little off-kilter. But I know it’s temporary and hopefully as silly as the drawing makes me look. I’ll get through my appointments and figure out the next steps and carry on. I’m thankful for that.