January 31, 2021

Patrick and I had a zoom beer tasting with some friends this afternoon. Not only was it a perfect event for a day we were snowed in, but it was great to “get together” with friends again. The guys had purchased beer a couple of weeks ago and swapped so that we all had the same ones to try. I haven’t been drinking alcohol since starting chemo, but I had a sip of each of them. I forgot how much fun we would have doing beer tastings together. It was wonderful catching up.

One thing our get-together highlighted, besides how much we all miss our beer tastings, was how important it is to have things to look forward to. I know it’s been a struggle for me. Of course, I look forward to the end of my treatments, but that’s not really enough. Normally, we’d have birthday celebrations or family visits or short trips out of town scheduled. Now we just have doctors appointments. Our friends talked about scheduling a real getaway for the end of the year or when things are back to something normal. We all agreed it sounded great.

In the spirit of having something to look forward to, I decided to apply to have a booth in a major craft faire in September. I’ve talked about wanting to do more with my crafts for a while now, so I figured it was time. If I’m accepted, it not only will give me something to look forward to, but it will also give me months of something to work towards. If I’m not accepted for the faire, then I’ll get an Etsy shop going.

I’m thankful today for the time well spent with friends. I’m also thankful for the reminder to plan for things that keep us engaged and hopeful for the future.

April 11

I was driving through farm country today and saw a beautiful sight. A field with new growth–short green plants coming up in rows. The sun was shining through the trees in the background setting the field aglow. It was a simple reminder of renewal. The seasons have changed. The sun is out longer. The air is warmer. The snow has melted. The plants are starting to reach toward the sun. Sometimes things end, but new things begin. Life is a cycle that keeps going, regardless of our difficulties. Sometimes we just need to simply hang on.

April 2

I’m thankful for my journaling because it reminds me of where I’ve been and how far I’ve come. I wrote this poem back in late October on a particularly rough day. Thankfully, I’m no longer stuck there.

there’s a hole in my future
where all the meaning should be
piece by piece robbed by those
I trusted most
my little light smoked
softly out
I’m carried away by the darkness

Feb 16

Sometimes you need to be intentional about making changes, moving on and letting go of things in the past. I’m all about looking forward today. Forward to brighter days both figuratively and literally…

candles that burn away memories
cannot be blown out with a birthday kiss
they must be folded neatly and put away
with the good linens
three wishes may never be enough

the clocks all move in centuries
according to your age
only children have no use for time

erase everything black from the pages
buy only yellow flowers for decades
without a sun

there’s music to live for
and spring rain to dance in