October 1

I can’t believe it’s October already. A friend of mine posted on Facebook today that there is only a month left before he will start putting up Christmas decorations. I almost unfriended him. I’m still clinging to the last shreds of summer. It seems like just a few days ago that I put my winter clothes away. (It really was just a little bit ago. I am so behind on stuff.) And just like in the spring, I feel the need to organize for fall. Maybe it’s because I’m spending less time outside now and more time inside, looking at the clutter that abounds. Granted, some of it is because we are still keeping items out of the dog’s reach, so things tend to pile up. Although he’s getting a bit better about staying out of things, at least while we are around. (When we aren’t he still tends to bring things in and out of the doggie door. Sticks and burnt log remains from the fire pit end up inside while shoes and toys and clothing go out.)

It’s this time of year that I realize I have too much stuff. I really should go through rooms with a box and start collecting items I think I can live without and store the box in the basement for a while. If I don’t miss anything, then the box can go. I know I also need to organize better. I’d be happier if my closets and cupboards and laundry room were streamlined and efficient. But there’s something about October and Fall that makes the time speed up like the fast forward button on the DVR. You know when you can still follow what’s happening, but feel like you’re not quite getting the full story? That’s where I’m at. Looking towards the end of the year with too many items left on my to-do list. We have only 91 days left in the year, my friends. That’s 91 days to finish the resolutions you may have set for yourself. And within those days are holidays that also seem to speed up time.

It’s easy for me to get lost in the busy. So out of curiosity, I looked back in my journal from this time last year and reminded myself of how much I’ve accomplished since then. We may have only 91 days left, but that means we’ve had 274 days already this year. And for me, those days have been rather productive. I may feel like I have a lot left to do, but none of it is an absolute. Well, outside of working and studying and breathing. Maybe eating and drinking a bit. And talking to my mom regularly because, you know, moms. So I’m not stressing. I’ll do what I can feasibly do and the rest will wait. I and my messy house will survive. I’m thankful for the perspective.

March 16

I had a lovely day. Not at all the day I expected, but then I started it with a spontaneous stop and just went with it from there. It’s strange for me how that has been working out lately. I don’t consider myself very spontaneous. Flexible, yes, but I usually feel more secure if I have something of a plan for my time. It’s a comfort thing. I need events to look forward to. Or people to look forward to seeing. It’s probably why working on a school schedule makes sense to me. I know how much time I have for certain tasks and I know how much time I have with certain people and I can adjust myself accordingly. It’s also why I like holidays. It helps divide my year. I can’t imagine not having Easter or Halloween or Christmas to look forward to or plan for. Or all the little ones in between. Maybe that means I’m too much of a time keeper.

I think it has something to do with moving so much in my lifetime. I counted once and it was a ridiculous number–like 19 times. Every four years when I was growing up. You’d think that it would make me more spontaneous, not less. However, there was always an end to things, so maybe I conditioned myself to prepare for it. Count the time left. Prepare for the changes, like packing up and saying goodbye. And try to get as much accomplished as soon as possible. It got progressively harder to believe in the status quo and harder to get attached to things or people. But now, the older I get the more I yearn for stability. Buying a house on my own was a big step toward that for me. Knowing I don’t have to leave it unless I want to gives me a sense of control that I’ve never felt before. I have a place I can settle in to. It’s a strange connection, but it allows me to relax just a little. It lets me feel ok with being a bit spontaneous with my time because I don’t have to go anywhere anytime soon. I’m not saying I won’t ever decide to move again, but if I do, it will be because I want to. I’m thankful for that. And I’m thankful my impulsive decision this morning turned into a pleasurable day.