August 26

I was in a weird and silly mood for most of the latter half of the day. I think it was partially because I got upset this morning at work with a simple project that went awry. It involved a broken printer (which should have been fixed last week), me getting caught in the rain, and a lack of follow through on the part of another person. I don’t like being angry at work. Well, I don’t do anger well in general. I’ve had students tell me they couldn’t see me ever getting worked up or angry and then laughed at my failed attempts to demonstrate. The truth is, I can get mad, but it doesn’t last long. And I think it’s incredibly unprofessional to get to a point of yelling on the job. I know people who have and it almost always makes them lose credibility. Frustration, however, I have mastered. And that lasts a lot longer. So my brief flash of anger while I sat damp and shivering in my air-conditioned office turned into a lingering frustration for the rest of the day. Add in me being tired, and I get silly, in that I really no longer care what happens kind of way. Most people would probably describe it as annoying. I turn into that kid who says whatever she wants and won’t stop touching the person sitting next to me because I know it bugs them. Unfortunately for me, I had to do a brief presentation at our college Board of Trustees meeting this evening, so I had to pull it together for a short period. Thankfully, it didn’t last long and then I was pretty ridiculous for the rest of the night. Not everyone gets to see that side of me. The lucky few (who have all perfected the eye roll) hopefully don’t hold it against me. After all, I have to be pretty comfortable to let down my guard that way. Someone told me last week that I seem to always appear capable and confident. We were talking about my need to get organized since I have a lot going on right now between grad school, my day job, and the addition of speech team coach. I was feeling overwhelmed and wanted to avoid tackling anything. I usually am confident in my abilities and I want to project that. But sometimes things get a little overwhelming. And I get tired. And its really nice to have people with whom I don’t have to pretend. I’m grateful tonight for people I can be silly and weird with. It makes the normal times much easier to maintain.