Septemeber 27

I mentioned in a previous post that this has been a long week. I’m used to stress; in fact, I can honestly say I haven’t had too many periods in my adult life I haven’t had some measure of it. But I think the older I get, the quicker it sometimes bothers me. This morning I found myself feeling resentful of it. And especially resentful of being alone in dealing with some of the stuff that’s causing it lately. My kids help out with some house stuff, but really, they don’t have the same stake in things that I have. This house is where they live, but it’s not theirs. They don’t lie awake at night worrying about getting the painting done or if the furnace is going to make it through the winter. They’ll do the dishes or clean the litter box because I ask. If I didn’t, they’d probably choose not to do it. And I’m sure I was the same way as a teenager. I had other things on my mind. They’ll only finally start looking at housework differently when it’s their own house. So this morning, I was a little emotional which means I start to over think on everything. I tried to shake it off and was mostly successful by the time my boyfriend and I went to an Octoberfest event during the afternoon. But then a bit later, on our way to a friend’s bonfire, he made a benign remark that I attached meaning to and once again, I was emotional. Now I’m not going to go into differences about how women and men operate because I think when our feelings are involved (and I do believe both men and women have feelings) it’s sometimes easy to over think. Or assume. Or over react when we’re overwhelmed. Maybe some of us more than others.

On the other hand, take my dad. He was an engineer and a very logical thinker. He didn’t tolerate emotional stuff well. He wasn’t a touchy feely, gee I really love you kind of guy. He also didn’t care what others thought of him, so he was very vocal in his opinions and in pointing out what he considered to be stupid behavior. I’m sure it’s no surprise when I say that as a teenager, I didn’t appreciate his personality. After all, it went against teenage drama, which is full of stupidity. However, as an adult, I can say that I’m thankful for his insistence on thinking logically. It helps me get back to center. As a friend of mine said recently, I am one of the most self-controlled people she knows. But, I’ll add in usually. Occasionally, like today, I let myself get caught up in how I’m feeling. But I mostly don’t stay there very long, especially if I can talk it through. Which I did later tonight with my boyfriend. Thankfully, he was a good sport about it and was supportive with how stressed I’ve been. That helped tremendously. I think I’m back on track.

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