April 5, 2023

A friend asked me if I would talk about my cancer journey on a podcast she’s guest co-hosting with another friend. They’re talking about different forms of grief and wanted to include the loss associated with a major diagnosis. A couple of the questions they asked forced me to really think about where I felt I am now. One question was about the hardest moments during my treatment and the other was what I see as my growth path going forward.

What I realized (after we stopped recording of course) is that the hardest part of it was letting go. Previously I felt I had control of my life and if I just tried hard enough, I could orchestrate whatever outcome I wanted. My cancer experience blew that all to hell. I had to learn to sit in the misery of it and let it unfold as it would. And I’m still sitting in it. But that’s also where I’m learning to grow—by making peace with letting go and appreciating my life just as it is.

Grief expert David Kessler talks about finding meaning as a sixth stage of grief. Not finding meaning IN the loss but meaning within yourself after loss. This idea is important to me. And while grief isn’t a linear process, I’m thankful to feel like I’m making progress towards meaning. I’m also thankful for my friends and our discussion today. Hopefully it’s helpful to others.

Check out the podcast here: https://www.whatwomenwanttoday.com/

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