Category Archives: Uncategorized

September 4: Oeillade

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I chastise myself for dwelling on the
inevitable, for loneliness plays upon my
wounds before they heal. The bandages

wear thin with the constant flow of
images, past and new experiences, most
real, some imagined but all embellished

with roses. Futilely, I cling to what
I know is already gone, or mostly gone,
and will be forgotten when the last

sand falls. The grains are already
counted and echo with their rapid
descent, until I can only hear the

tic toc tic of my heart. Will you
think of me afterwards as the weight
around your legs that caused you to

stumble in time? Or will you view me
in some dark, private cubicle, inserting
a quarter for a glimpse of the past, and

see me dancing in slow rhythms before you?

I wonder some days about the people in my life and how long of a time frame we have together. I’ve lived long enough to see many people come and go. Maybe by moving away. Or growing apart. Or dying. I’m reminded this week of the ebb and flow of life and how, no matter what we desire, some things don’t happen the way we anticipate. And that can be frustrating or maddening or disappointing or heartbreaking. It’s not easy giving up on expectations, but I’ve come to the conclusion, as I’ve mentioned in other posts, that often it’s necessary. Especially when it comes to other people. Instead, I’m thankful to be reminded that what I need to focus on is what their impact may be in my life and what mine may be to theirs. And try to be someone whose presence made a positive difference; someone worth remembering.

September 3

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What a beautiful day. I’m thankful for the slow move into autumn. For the fact that my kids mowed the lawn, even though they didn’t want to. For a phone replacement that came overnight so I don’t have to deal with a dead battery anymore. For a new beer tour at Old Chicago. For the fact that my teenagers still give goodnight hugs–to me and each other.

September 2

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Today was our faculty/staff development day at work. Or as my daughter put it, teacher punishment day. That seems to be the common consensus on a lot of campuses, college and secondary schools alike. I’ve had friends who teach in a variety of settings complain about their own development days. It seems ironic that educators dislike these days so much. Yet the idea of professional development isn’t the problem, it’s the issue that’s at the core of all student complaints: how am I ever going to use this information? Why do I need to know this? This isn’t in my area of interest, so why must I suffer through it?? Now, if you’re a regular reader of my blog, you know that I adhere to the philosophy of a well-rounded education. I think the more areas you’re introduced to, the broader your view becomes and the more curiosity has a place to roam. It’s also easier to see the connections between ideas and theories and disciplines. Yet, as we get older, it becomes trickier. During a day such as today, the “development” topics often seem irrelevant or overdone or pushed upon us and, therefore, condescending in some weird way. Since we’re forced to attend, we feel at the mercy of administration and their agenda (although there is supposed to be input from various committee members from across campus). And maybe there’s some truth in that. It is a way for administration to disseminate information to or gather feedback from hundreds of captive employees at once, without suffering the pains of sending out unread emails or flyers or phone calls, hoping for responses. Throw in economic restrictions on bringing in celebrity speakers, and on some level, I understand why the topics aren’t always engaging or exciting. Yet, I do believe that even in the workplace, there is still benefit to knowing how departments work both within their own particular confines and within the (in my case) campus as a whole. What our marketing, recruitment and admissions areas do drives enrollment, enrollment drives classes, and what and how faculty teach and interact with students keeps the process going, which makes all of our jobs possible.

Of course, I’m interested in people and communication and how things interact, so I have a natural curiosity about workplace dynamics. That being said, I also believe development days should foster growth in our own particular work as well. I wish some of our breakout sessions would involve conversations about our own personal areas of interest. Visiting scholars, perhaps. Faculty and staff from other colleges coming in for content discussions that could be joint-development days for multiple schools. Business leaders who could discuss the attributes they look for in the students we hope to graduate. Something that is inspiring and energizing as we enter another academic year. Therefore, I have to admit that today I was just as guilty as others of being a bit underzealous about being “developed.”

But there are some things for which I’m grateful. Our new president is easy to listen to and, I believe, is working hard for the college and all the employees. We have new programs that should be exciting and beneficial to our community. We have not only a Faculty of the Year award, but now also an Employee of the Year award, and the first recipient today was a guy who really deserved it. Having all employees together means being able to socialize with colleagues with whom it’s normally difficult. Our college still provides lunch (a box lunch consisting of sandwich and chips) but at least it’s from a good vendor. And it includes a cookie. I learned some new technology in one of my sessions. I got more information on a local business I was only vaguely aware of. Finally, putting together a day of activities for hundreds of reluctant people can’t be easy, yet the day always flows well and is organized. I am truly thankful for those who do it and the time and effort they put into it.

September 1: Labor Day

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Happy Labor Day!
According to the US Department of Labor, today constitutes a yearly national tribute to the contributions workers have made to the strength, prosperity, and well-being of our country. This legal holiday has been in effect since 1894. Originally, the day was outlined to include a parade and then a festival for workers and their families to enjoy. Ironically, these days it’s become more of an end-of-summer 3-day holiday full of retail sales, during which people end up working extended hours. I guess we’re so far removed from how difficult making a living used to be. After all, today there is a lot of legislation governing fair labor practices, but that isn’t because of the benevolence of our early government or employers. It’s because people fought for what they deemed fair. Labor Day became a national holiday after repeated labor union strikes and protests over dismal working conditions and long hours; these protest often turned into riots, such as the Haymarket Riot in Chicago in 1886. Eight officers and workers died after a bomb was thrown at police. Finally, in 1894 workers at Pullman Palace Car Company in Chicago went on strike, protesting firings and wage cuts. They were backed by the American Railway Union who boycotted Pullman railway cars which basically crippled the nationwide railway system. After rioting and deaths occurs thanks to government troops trying to break the strike, Congress offered an olive branch by making Labor Day a national holiday.

Believe what you may of the importance of today’s unions (I have my own opinions as well), we all should be thankful for the sacrifices of the early labor unions. I may complain about my 8 hour workday, but I’m thankful 10 or 12 isn’t the norm. Or that my kids can earn an education instead of a paycheck in order for us to survive. It’s easy sometimes to forget how much more difficult our lives could be. I’m thankful for this day off that’s a reminder of how far we’ve come.

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August 31

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The Sunday list:
An unintended nap this morning, thanks to a sleepy puppy.
Timely encouragement from a friend to keep at my to-do list.
Reading outside in the warm sun and breeze. (It too was warm, but it was still a breeze!)
Wine tasting with yummy chocolate and handsome company.
A brief visit from my sister and brother-in-law that included giving them a bunch of junk from my basement.
A brief chat with another brother-in-law who just started a year long tour in Afghanistan. (Apparently Facebook is available everywhere. Like Starbucks.)
Finishing homework reading before the due date so there’s still time for discussion homework.
Knowing tomorrow is still the weekend.

August 30

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I took Chance down to play with my boyfriend’s dog, Barley. Some friends were over and the dogs kept each other company and stayed out of the way outside for a while. They are still young enough that they like to rough house for most Of their playtime. Chase and bite and chew on each other. We’re pretty used it and recognize that they’ve actually tamed a bit over the last couple of weeks. I think Chance, who is younger, is no longer teething so he’s not as anxious as he used to be. And Barley is a more laid back puppy to begin with. At any rate, they played pretty well outside, and as usual sat outside the sliding door looking worn out pathetically desperate to come in. Once again, we are used to this ruse. Once inside, a second wind hits and they begin a game of keep away. We can give them each an identical rawhide or bone or toy, and one will want the other’s, and so will begin a chase followed by barking and an occasional whelp when one gets particularly aggressive. It’s usually Chance who eventually won’t stop and thus, I end up simply taking him home. Tonight was no exception. I could see in his face that he was wound up, and no matter how I redirected him, he wouldn’t relax and just sit and chew on his bone. So we left. He fought me, tugging on his leash the entire way out the door. And I found myself rather irritated by when we finally got to the car. He sat next to me, panting, and I asked out loud, What is wrong with you? Why can’t you just behave when you’re here? People think you’re a crazy dog when you act like that. He simply looked at me, still a bit glassy eyed from adrenaline. And then I remembered how familiar that felt. My kids were sometimes the same way when they were toddlers. Acting up at other people’s houses, especially when there were other kids around. Throwing a fit when we had to leave. It usually embarrassed me, making me wonder why my normally sweet and usually well-behaved kids would turn into monsters. And always in front of others. Of course, I knew that wasn’t their normal behavior, and as a parent, I wanted others to know that too. I guess it’s no different as a pet parent. Chance is a sweetheart. A little rambunctious as a puppy, but not as undisciplined as he sometimes likes to act. So as we sat staring at each other in the car, I noticed that his amped up demeanor was hiding exhaustion. He’s hard to control because all kids throw fits when they’re tired. By the time we got home, he was his normal self. After a potty break, I had to carry him to his crate or he would have fallen immediately asleep on the sofa. I used to joke that babies were like puppies. Everything goes in their mouths, they drool, they crawl around through anything, they’ll go to the bathroom whenever or wherever. That was when my kids were babies. I’m thankful I remembered the connection tonight, for I didn’t stay irritated with him for too long. Puppies are like babies. And mine is still a bit in that phase. He’ll grow out of it soon enough.

August 28

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It’s Thursday. One more day to get to the long weekend. I thought about taking tomorrow off just to give myself an even longer weekend, but I have an afternoon meeting that I maybe should attend. Maybe. After all, I’m rather anxious to get my class notes and readings organized. I started already but have plenty more to do. I did get some more “school supplies” and even a few things for my desk at home that will help me keep track of what I’m working on. No more piles of paper. Now I just need to get my home office clean enough to work in. That’s next on the agenda. I did get my office cleaned up at work and emails sent out for the first speech team meeting next week. And I connected with a coach from another college who forwarded me some tournament information and got me in touch with a colleague for a list serve for forensics information for our region. So it’s been a productive week for me on the getting organized front. I finally feel like I’ve got a handle on some things. I’m very thankful for that.

August 26

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I was in a weird and silly mood for most of the latter half of the day. I think it was partially because I got upset this morning at work with a simple project that went awry. It involved a broken printer (which should have been fixed last week), me getting caught in the rain, and a lack of follow through on the part of another person. I don’t like being angry at work. Well, I don’t do anger well in general. I’ve had students tell me they couldn’t see me ever getting worked up or angry and then laughed at my failed attempts to demonstrate. The truth is, I can get mad, but it doesn’t last long. And I think it’s incredibly unprofessional to get to a point of yelling on the job. I know people who have and it almost always makes them lose credibility. Frustration, however, I have mastered. And that lasts a lot longer. So my brief flash of anger while I sat damp and shivering in my air-conditioned office turned into a lingering frustration for the rest of the day. Add in me being tired, and I get silly, in that I really no longer care what happens kind of way. Most people would probably describe it as annoying. I turn into that kid who says whatever she wants and won’t stop touching the person sitting next to me because I know it bugs them. Unfortunately for me, I had to do a brief presentation at our college Board of Trustees meeting this evening, so I had to pull it together for a short period. Thankfully, it didn’t last long and then I was pretty ridiculous for the rest of the night. Not everyone gets to see that side of me. The lucky few (who have all perfected the eye roll) hopefully don’t hold it against me. After all, I have to be pretty comfortable to let down my guard that way. Someone told me last week that I seem to always appear capable and confident. We were talking about my need to get organized since I have a lot going on right now between grad school, my day job, and the addition of speech team coach. I was feeling overwhelmed and wanted to avoid tackling anything. I usually am confident in my abilities and I want to project that. But sometimes things get a little overwhelming. And I get tired. And its really nice to have people with whom I don’t have to pretend. I’m grateful tonight for people I can be silly and weird with. It makes the normal times much easier to maintain.