I had a follow up visit with my plastic surgeon today. It appears things are healing well, but I have to keep my drain tubes in for at least another week. I was disappointed but it makes sense. I don’t want to screw anything up by rushing the process.
I’m thankful that I’m healing. I’m also thankful for the help my mom has been while she’s here. Not only has she been helping me get dressed and wash my hair, she’s also organized several closets. Yay!
Today I am thankful for the support of friends. I’ve had several people send me encouraging text messages, and a couple who texted to let me know they left something at our front door. One was a gift with some beer for Patrick, lotion, and this awesome pillow. So cool!
The other package contained a variety of button down shirts, which I really need and had a hard time finding. It was incredibly generous and thoughtful. I can’t wait to wear them!
I’m also thankful for Patrick’s sister Vanessa whose birthday is today. She’s someone who is also supportive and generous and funny. I’m lucky to have her in my life.
Today I received this card from my sister Laura with a message of encouragement for my recovery. But the words on the front of the card go both ways. Today is her birthday, and I wish we lived close enough to celebrate together.
She is one of my older sisters, and the one who also has breast cancer. She’s been such a great support for me every step of my cancer ordeal, and I’m beyond grateful for her. Not only because she’s been a sounding board for me lately but also because she’s a role model for gratitude. She’s the person who is always optimistic and always sees the best in people.
Laura is giving, kind, and has a gentle soul. I’m thankful to have her in my life.
No one tells you everything that chest surgery will affect. Well, that’s not true. My sister warned me that the chest muscles seem to be used all the time, and she is right. Just walking felt jarring at first. Sitting up straight is still awful. Laying back at a slight angle is ok. Getting back up from that angle is not. I cannot open a water bottle. Or a sealed bag. Or the sliding door. I can’t reach to the ground, so whatever I drop has to stay on the floor.
No one told me that my chest would feel so heavy. Like I’m carrying a couple of bricks around. And everything is so swollen that it feels about as hard. Leaning forward is uncomfortable. Turning to the side feels like I’m being torn. And my back hurts from trying to compensate for the lack of chest strength.
But I’m walking better today. That doesn’t hurt as much. And I can now reach out to the side without as much pain. And my drain tubes aren’t getting as full as they were initially. These are all signs that I’m healing for which I’m grateful. The rest of it will follow and soon the heaviness and the pain will subside, and I’ll regain my range of motion. It’s all good.
I realized that I wrote my post for yesterday but didn’t actually publish it so it could be seen. Oops! Sorry about that. Now this one is going to seem repetitive.
I’m thankful to be home and to be able to handle the pain. I can walk around a bit but mostly just need to sit and keep my arms down. We had a little moment of panic as Chance tried to climb into my lap and stepped on my drains. It caused me to move too quick and I’m not gonna lie, it hurt. A lot. But he’s so concerned that I couldn’t be mad.
I’m also thankful for all the well wishes from my friends and family and the beautiful flowers I’ve received. And cookies. And peach cobbler. And lasagna the day of my surgery. I’m so lucky.
The transition to home from the hospital took a while because they were short-staffed. I was happy to leave though just so I could sleep uninterrupted.
The pups were super curious about what was going on with me. Before I entered the house, we made sure all my drains were hidden so they couldn’t accidentally catch one. They pretty much sat by my chair and kept poking their noses at me. Poor guys don’t understand why I’m not hugging on them.
I’m sore and it’s hard to move, but I’m thankful to be home and thankful for the additional help from my sister and mom.
I made it through surgery! It took a bit longer than anticipated but so far so good. I’ll spend the night in the hospital so I can get awakened every few hours for blood tests and medicine. I say that because the nurse just left so I have it in good authority.
I’m so thankful that I didn’t have my choking sensation and my that I’m doing well so far.
Well, here we are. The day before my bi-lateral mastectomy. I’ve been looking forward to and yet dreading surgery and my stomach has been doing flip flops since late yesterday. I keep remembering that stupid choking feeling I had when I awoke last time and pray that it’s nonexistent tomorrow.
It’s weird when you talk surgery with people. Everyone wants to share their experiences and/or thoughts about it. While mostly it’s to be helpful, sometimes it still backfires. These are some things I’ve heard recently: I wasn’t completely under anesthesia and could hear everything. I wonder if surgery makes cancer spread. Anesthesia makes me feel like I’m dying.
Um, thanks?
I’ve also had folks point out that mastectomies are a common procedure, which is true. There is some comfort in knowing that hundreds of others have lived through it. But I haven’t yet.
It’s a big deal. And not just because all major surgery is. It’s a big deal for me because this will change me. I’m having parts of me removed. Parts that are visible and somewhat defining and so natural that I don’t usually notice them. But the replacements will be something to get used to and will be unnatural for a while. I’ll have scars. I’ll lose sensation. I’ll have to think about them.
This morning I met with my plastic surgeon so he could do his markings on my chest. In four different colors of Sharpie. I look like an art project. But once again, he told me that everything would go well. His confidence was reassuring.
I know I’ll be fine. My desire to lose the cancer is stronger than my sadness at losing my breasts. I trust that my surgeons are talented and care about doing a good job. I’ll heal. I will get used to my new look. I know this and I’m thankful for it, even though I’m still a bit nervous today.
Patrick and I had big plans for cleaning around the house today. Stuff like pulling out the carpet cleaner and also cleaning dog beds. Instead, we went searching for button up shirts that I’ll need next week after surgery since I won’t be able to pull anything over my head for a while. I ordered a few, including button up pajama shirts, from Amazon but only a couple worked. One was too big; the pajamas had a weird stain on them.
I did get the dogs bathed and washed all the blankets they like to lounge on. Their fur is always so soft and they smell so good on bath day. It’s too bad Chance hates water and sings the song of his people the entire time he’s getting scrubbed. It’s funny and sad at the same time. Needless to say, we try not to bathe him too often.
I’m thankful that Patrick took me shopping and drove because I hate driving. And then made yummy BLTs with fresh tomatoes from our garden. I’m also thankful that I found a couple shirts that will work for me post surgery and beyond. It’s a good day when we get things done and have a bit of fun.
Today I’m thankful for eyelashes long enough to put mascara on; colorful, freshly laid eggs delivered to us by old friends; daily readings that are weirdly spot-on; a quit chat with Ann; several backyard trips with the pups to sit in the breeze; and an evening binge-watching Ted Lasso.
melissagratitude 