February 7, 2021

Posted on by under cancer

Several weeks ago my mom told me that she, a couple of my sisters and brother-in-law were planning a surprise for me. Today she texted that it was scheduled to be delivered. When she gave me a 12-4 pm timeframe, I got very curious on what it could be. I even told Patrick that it sounded like a timeframe for furniture delivery. I was stumped.

About 12:30, my sister FaceTimed me and I could tell they were in her car. When I recognized the houses in the background, I was legitimately confused. They were outside our house! They had driven 3 hours to come see us. On our coldest day yet. This is my family.

I’m not gonna lie, I burst into happy tears. I just couldn’t believe they were here and in that moment, I realized how much I miss seeing them.

Because of Covid and my immunocompromised status, we sat outside, bundled up so much we were barely recognizable. They had planned ahead and brought chairs and blankets and hand warmers. We plugged in a heater and chatted for as long as we could handle the cold, which was about an hour. One sweet hour with my sweet family.

True to form, they also brought a Valentine’s basket with homemade cookies, puzzles made from family photos, a blanket with everyone’s pictures on, and other goodies. We’ll have some ongoing reminders of their visit.

What a great surprise. Lucky me they aren’t big Super Bowl fans. I’m so grateful for their visit and for their love.

February 6, 2021

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One of Patrick’s sisters sent us a monopoly game based on one of his favorite video games. Today we played. I lost.

Frankly, I have terrible luck with board games. He would draw a card and win money. I’d draw and lose. I went to jail at least 6 times and always landed in the spots that cost me something. He built an empire. But it was fun. And something different for today.

I mentioned previously how much I appreciate my in-laws, and that includes Patrick’s sisters too. I have four sisters already, but I was thrilled to gain two more when we got married. And they’ve been amazing to me. Not because they send fun gifts, but because they treat me like a sister. I’m so thankful for that.

February 4, 2021

Posted on by under cancer

The fatigue caught up with me today. I made it through work and ended up taking a late afternoon nap. I really dislike days when I’m feeling unproductive, but I realize it’s going to happen. It seems like the 2nd and 3rd days after chemo are my hardest ones.

I’ve never been one to nap, but I’m going to try to embrace it when I need them. It helps that our pups like to cuddle in with me. I’m thankful for that. I’m also thankful that the fatigue isn’t constant yet. After a couple of days, I know it will get better.

February 3, 2021

Posted on by under cancer

Today I’m thankful for my in-laws. Every chemo day, Patrick’s parents have sent us something wonderful. The first treatment was a beautiful bouquet that I can’t believe I don’t have a picture of. I really thought I took one, but no. I do remember it well; it had seeded eucalyptus and soft lavender roses. It was so lovely. The last couple of treatments were edible arrangements. The first included brownies and the second included chocolate covered fruit. Yum!

The truth is, my in-laws are always very generous and giving. They’re eager to help or support anyway they can. But even more than that, they’ve been great at making me feel part of the family from the beginning.

I have to admit, when Patrick and I started dating, I had my fears. I’m older than he is by not a little bit. My kids were teenagers already. In fact, one of the first things I asked him when we got more serious was if he was sure he shouldn’t be dating someone younger. Someone who could give him beautiful babies. But he’s stubborn.

Then I got pregnant and had a miscarriage, and my fears grew. I hated that I was taking his option for his own family away from him. But he said it wasn’t a deal breaker. He’s dedicated.

And here I am, dragging him through cancer with me. One more hardship and difficult year of worry. But he’s been protective and supportive and says it’s just one more thing we will get through. He’s strong.

Through it all, my in-laws never expressed any doubt, at least to me, that I wasn’t anything but deserving of their son. They’ve happily included me in their lives from the beginning. I worried that they’d see me as someone too old and with too much history to be right for Patrick. But my worry was all mine. I guess I should have known for they taught him by example to be stubborn, dedicated, and strong. I’m thankful for them. And grateful to be part of the family.

February 2, 2021

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Happy Groundhog Day! Do you feel like you’ve done this day before? #covidlife Today was a repeat day for me, too. Chemo treatment #3 in the books!

Patrick got the shoes in the picture!

As I mentioned before, I decided to dress up a bit for these appointments. This time, I wanted to wear a new pair of boots, so of course, it called for my purple wig. I questioned my choice when I sat in the waiting room getting side-eyed by my elderly cohorts. I didn’t want to make anyone uncomfortable. But every nurse said they loved it and even my oncologist, when he entered the exam room, exclaimed whoa! and said he thought it was great. Not that I needed anyone’s approval, but it was nice to get the reaction I was hoping for—a smile.

I’ve had so many family and friends supporting me lately by reaching out in a variety of ways, even friends I haven’t necessarily kept in close contact with. (Thanks, social media for keeping us connected!) It hit me today I’m not always so good at doing that for others. It’s not that I don’t care, but I feel self-conscious reaching out blindly. I’ve always been more comfortable listening or watching in groups and will typically interject myself only when someone asks me to. I figure, why will they care to hear from me? I don’t know what to say/do. Social media makes it easy because we can just use an emoji on a post and call it good.

But you know what? Being the recipient now, I can clearly see it does make a difference. It’s always nice to get a message when you’re going through a difficult time. It’s ALWAYS uplifting to know people are thinking of you and wishing you well. I’m grateful every time.

I like when I can make someone smile, so why do I allow myself to hold back? I’m willing to wear a silly wig, but I can’t send a short message when someone needs it? I’m thankful today for this reminder to be better. I’m going to add it to my to-do list. Maybe like Bill Murray’s character in the movie Groundhog Day, becoming a better person will get me out of this #Covidlife we’re stuck in. Wouldn’t that be great?

February 1, 2021

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Ralph Waldo Emerson is one of my favorites for quotes. He has such a way with words! I ran across this quote in one of my books recently and it stuck with me:

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget about them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.

I love that he says “you shall” as if there is no other choice. I think sometimes we forget that we are in charge of ourselves, if nothing else. We can start each day as it should be started–brand new. Brand new thoughts. Brand new enthusiasm. Brand new expectations.

I tried that today instead of my typical ugh, Monday mindset. I just started my day without worrying about how lousy last week was. I let the nonsense of last week go. And you know what happened? I spent my work day busy and not overly stressed. The day went by quickly. I got done what I needed to do and made a list of what I need to get back to on Wednesday. Thanks to Emerson, this was a good day.

January 31, 2021

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Patrick and I had a zoom beer tasting with some friends this afternoon. Not only was it a perfect event for a day we were snowed in, but it was great to “get together” with friends again. The guys had purchased beer a couple of weeks ago and swapped so that we all had the same ones to try. I haven’t been drinking alcohol since starting chemo, but I had a sip of each of them. I forgot how much fun we would have doing beer tastings together. It was wonderful catching up.

One thing our get-together highlighted, besides how much we all miss our beer tastings, was how important it is to have things to look forward to. I know it’s been a struggle for me. Of course, I look forward to the end of my treatments, but that’s not really enough. Normally, we’d have birthday celebrations or family visits or short trips out of town scheduled. Now we just have doctors appointments. Our friends talked about scheduling a real getaway for the end of the year or when things are back to something normal. We all agreed it sounded great.

In the spirit of having something to look forward to, I decided to apply to have a booth in a major craft faire in September. I’ve talked about wanting to do more with my crafts for a while now, so I figured it was time. If I’m accepted, it not only will give me something to look forward to, but it will also give me months of something to work towards. If I’m not accepted for the faire, then I’ll get an Etsy shop going.

I’m thankful today for the time well spent with friends. I’m also thankful for the reminder to plan for things that keep us engaged and hopeful for the future.

January 30, 2021

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Patrick said I wimped out with my post yesterday, and I suppose he’s right. The truth is that I WAS really thankful the work week was done, but I was also really tired. Like ready to fall asleep at 7:30 pm tired.

The other truth is that on any given day, I’m thankful for a bunch of small things. The way Patrick puts a glass of water on my desk in the morning when I start work at 7:00 am. The way the dogs walk me around the house like they can’t stand to be without me. The way the sun lights up the corner of the room I work in all day.

Yesterday a friend dropped off a surprise for me. It contained a bunch of work-related items to jazz up my desk, including a desk punching bag which I know will get a lot of use! I love every single thing, especially the snarky items that made me laugh.

Today I spent some time getting my desk cleaned up and putting my new items away. I even filled out my excuse for yesterday’s post.

I’m so thankful for this thoughtful gift and her generosity. I look forward to using everything next week!