Today was the first day of a new semester at the college. It was energizing to see the parking lot full again and students wandering the halls. Like the New Year, a new semester is filled with hope and promise. The start of dreams and journeys. I’m always grateful to be part of it.

For Christmas, Patrick’s parents got me a beautiful embossed matte and frame for my Master’s diploma. I’d been meaning to frame it but hadn’t yet. Today I hung it in my office. I’m thankful again that I was able to complete that goal. Seeing my diploma on the wall was a great reminder of what my job is all about.

What is it about Sundays? I’m always trying to cram in all the things I thought I’d get done over the weekend but didn’t. Today I did accomplish getting the house cleaned up and the Christmas decorations put away. I love the holidays but I also love how big and uncluttered the house looks after the tree is gone. It simply adds to the idea of a fresh start. I’m grateful for the simple pleasure of a clean house. Being fortunate to have my own laundry room. And a storage area for holiday decorations. There are so many everyday things that are really blessings.

Sometimes we forget that we aren't trees and complain that we're stuck. People in our town complain a lot that there's nothing to do, that it's boring. Truth is that we live in an area that is driving distance to larger towns and interesting locations. So today we skipped town and drove an hour and a half to check out another area. It wasn't that it was wildly different but just getting out of the norm was nice. We shopped a bit with our Christmas gift cards and had a late lunch at a restaurant not in our town. I'm grateful that we have quick access to areas that allow us to feel like we've "gotten away" for the day.

I got a Fitbit today. I’ve had a step/sleep tracker for a year now but I’m upgrading to a model that will *potentially* help me get into shape. That’s the idea anyway. Honestly, I’m just curious on how it’s going to track my heart rate and sleep cycles. I want to know why I feel exhausted All. The. Time. Maybe it will prompt me to become more active. Which will lead into more gym time. Which will snowball into a new, fit me. I love the sense of promise new items, especially tech gadgets give us. I’m a sucker for hope. Patrick got a Fitbit too, for which I’m thankful. It means that together we will either become better physical versions of ourselves by joining in improved exercise practices, or we will compete against each other for who is doing marginally better with physical activity. Either way, it works.

Hugs. Stress managed. Homemade hot cocoa. Warm pajamas. Lingering Christmas lights.

Today I was able to take the day off of work to spend time with my kids. My oldest is home from college but is going back in a couple of days. This was the last of our real time together. I’m so grateful to have had her home for a bit. Soon she will be graduating and moving on in her life, and I know these short visits will be all I have. We went out for brunch, saw a movie, and shopped at an antique mall for a bit. Tonight we watched reruns of Dr. Who. It was a good day.

It was my first day back to work after the holidays and it wasn’t awful. I’m grateful to have my job even though it t has its share of challenges. And on this bitter cold day I was also thankful to have a reliable car with heated seats.

It’s been a long year. Somehow I suspect a lot of people would agree with me. I need more gratitude in my life–and I especially need to look actively for it again. Today, I’m thankful for a warm house during bitter cold weather, for celebrating the holidays with family, for safe travels, and for having my daughter home from school for a little bit. I’m also grateful for spontaneous coffee breaks with good friends and for ringing in the new year with Patrick.

I remember when I was a kid, I always had big plans. I was interested in so much. I wanted to do so much. And be so many things. But I didn’t just want to be an ice skater, I wanted to be an Olympic ice skater. (Although I never even took lessons.) I didn’t just want to be a singer, I wanted to be a famous singer. (Even though I took lessons, that was never gonna happen.) I didn’t just want to write, I wanted to publish books. (Does an instructor’s manual count?) The point is, when I wanted to do something, I envisioned myself shooting straight to the top, going all out, being the best. Call it confidence or naivete, I never considered myself falling short. Because I never just wanted to try a little bit. Even if I eventually (or quickly) lost interest, I didn’t doubt that I could be successful at whatever I wanted to achieve.

That assurance faded over the years as reality surfaced. The truth can set you free, but it can also dispirit. Success is not a given and that disappointment can be quelling.

I recently talked to a friend who has taken up writing. She spends a lot of time on it. Goes to conferences, works with a mentor, writes and rewrites. The hours she spends on it doesn’t seem laborious for she finds joy in the process. Her newfound passion reminded me of my own big plans because I think she still holds the key we so often lose as we get older. It’s really not the final outcome that matters the most, but how much we enjoy the process. I think maturity is a binary opposition, helping us weed out the childish nonsense but often forcing us to lose the child we were.

I’m thankful for the reminder, especially now. Lately, everything has seemed a bit tedious. Everything seems like work because work has taken a central spot in my life. And it’s been a tumultuous spot. While I can’t define it as unsuccessful, it still seems like it’s falling short. Disappointing for reasons outside my control. I need to get back to big thinking, knowing that the final outcome won’t matter. I need to change focus and find some joy in the doing. Of something.