So this is how I feel getting to the end of this week. But the week is almost over and I’m thankful that my car problems weren’t too awful: broken hose in one and dead battery in the other. I expected worse. I’m also thankful for a nice dinner tonight with friends at a new restaurant and my boyfriend helping my daughter with her math homework.
It’s my mom’s birthday today. I tried calling her earlier this evening but she didn’t answer. Instead she texted me that she was bowling late tonight. Whooping it up on her birthday, I guess. I’ve written about my mom before. She’s pretty cool. Kind hearted but sarcastic, wise yet blunt, talented but not at all ego-driven. She loves entertaining and cooking for people, but hates being the center of attention. It’s always difficult to get a picture of her because she hates being in front of the camera. She says she has an awful smile, but that’s not true. She has a very genuine smile when she’s not being self-conscious. Trying to catch a photo of her is something my sisters and I all try to do, usually attempting it when she isn’t paying attention. That makes her mad but makes us laugh. She usually laughs too and is a lot of fun to be around because she jumps right in on the jokes and teasing. She’s been the kind of mom over the years who sends cards just because. Or flowers or care packages when we’re going through a bad time. She’s been through a lot this past year with my dad’s illness and death, but she’s been incredibly strong through it all. Stronger than she thinks of herself. I hope I’m on the road to being as lovely of a person as she is today and thankful to have such a role model for a mother.
After another freezing day and another vehicle issue (this one with my newly purchased car, sigh) I’m thankful that the next few days look warmer. And that I had another yummy dinner I didn’t have to cook. I also am grateful I could sit by a fire and do some homework in relative peace.
I have a confession to make. I whined a lot today. A lot. Beginning in the morning when the van I now have parked outside wouldn’t start. I just got rid of the non-running Lincoln. Now I have a useless van. And it’s because it was ridiculously cold today. It was 7 degrees when I left my house but the wind was strong so it felt a whole heck of a lot colder. And then people happened. The guy in the office next to mine talks loudly about things uninteresting to me like his wife’s flu shot and what he ate over the weekend. I can hear everything he says as if there were no wall between us. And I know he hears me because if I sneeze, he says bless you. There were other bothersome people today and more horrible wind and cold. And as I was battling my way to the car after work, feeling the bitterness of the weather going right through my pant legs and jacket, I thought about a headline from the local newspaper the other day where two homeless men died because the abandoned house they were in burned to the ground from the fire they started to keep warm. And I was immediately shamed and grateful that I was heading to my car. Because I have access to more than one vehicle. And I was going home to a house where the furnace works and I have a fireplace and other ways to stay warm. And I was leaving a job that I’m lucky to have, regardless of the inconvenience of my thin office walls. It’s so easy to forget that the things we take for granted are things others sometimes literally die trying to get.
Sunday.
Sleeping in.
Chance enjoying the snow.
Warm beer bread delivered to me.
Playing games with friends.
Banana pudding.
It’s my youngest daughter’s birthday today. Emma is 17. Unlike her sister who arrived 3 months early, Emma was late. And a whole lot bigger. For all you pregnant ladies out there for the first time, trust me when I tell you that there is a huge difference between 2 pounds and 8. If your child is anywhere over two pounds when you go into labor, take the pain medicine. All of it. I mistakenly thought all childbirth was the same. I remembered how the contractions felt (horrible, but survivable) and figured that I wouldn’t need an epidural. I didn’t have one with Brianna, so I needed nothing the second time. Silly, unsuspecting me. Once I realized my mistake and told the nurse I had changed my mind and would like that epidural after all, please. She said, “Oh honey, it’s too late.” Yup, Emma about killed me. Or at least that’s how it felt at the time. Child birth is kind of like when you’re at the top of the highest peak on a roller coaster ride and you look down knowing it’s going to make you sick so you start to panic and you think to yourself I want off! I want off! but that’s impossible. You must endure it til it stops. Only afterwards when you’re walking away all jelly-legged and laughing with relief do you realize it wasn’t so bad. And now I have this grown up version of my baby girl. All sassy and sarcastic like me. But super smart and beautiful and kind-hearted. With easy laughter and spontaneous hugs. Strong spirited, stubborn, accepting. I’m so lucky to have her in my life and today I’m thankful to be her mom.
I’ve been whining about the weather already because we have officially turned the corner into winter. It’s been hovering around the 30 degree mark and windy. Today we had snow flurries for most of the day. I know why people move to warmer states starting about now. It’s not pleasant here anymore. But I’m thankful today for some warm items: my bed in the morning, a car heater that works, gloves, chocolate peppermint tea, hugs, my cat’s furry belly, homemade tacos, snuggling on the sofa, and long hair.
I found out tonight that a good friend of mine was just diagnosed with breast cancer. Cancer. I hate the word. One dictionary entry says it means something evil or malignant that spreads destructively. I think that sums up the disease accurately because it seems to be everywhere. And it’s not just a physical thing; it’s pervasive in all aspects, mentally and emotionally as well. Show of hands on who’s been affected somehow by cancer. I have a hard time finding someone who hasn’t been. In fact, my friend just lost her father-in-law last year to cancer. She lost her mother to cancer. It sucks. I don’t know how else to say it. It’s a horrible thing. When I think of it, it makes me sad and angry at the same time. And helpless. What do you say when someone tells you this? I told her I was sorry. I told her that it sucked. I told her I loved her. And you know what she said? She was going to stay positive; she wanted no sad faces, only happiness and laughter. So there you go. This world is full of battles. We all have one, and it’s really about how you fight it. My friend has cancer. But it doesn’t have her. I’m thankful for that.
The stinkin Lincoln is gone. I found a company that collects junk cars and had it towed away today. Nevermind that I ended up having to take an entire day off of work because the tow truck driver kept pushing the pickup time further and further out. It started with a before 10:30 am timeframe which worked because I had scheduled my cat to go to the vet at 11:00. I planned to take the morning off, get those two things off the to-do list and go to work after lunch. However, the first tow truck call came about 9ish with a I’ll call you at noon and pick up will be between then and 3:00. He must work for the cable company too. I heard nothing at noon. But then, about 2:00 I got a call that he was on his way. And at 3:15 he called asking for my address and said he’d be another 20 minutes. It was just after 4:00 when he showed up. I was irritated, but what could I do? It was freezing today. I needed the car gone before the first real snow hit us and I was stuck shoveling around the dead car. So I signed over the title, collected my $300 in hundred dollar bills that I’m not 100% are real yet, and watched him load the car onto the tow truck. I have to admit that I felt a bit sad watching it go. My parents gave me that car for Brianna. My dad really liked that car. And I thought of how my mom talked just a week ago about the strangeness she felt every time she opens her garage door and sees her new car sitting there. She recently traded in the van she and my dad had for a smaller, more practical car, and somehow it still doesn’t feel right to her. Trading in the car was another step in her life without him, although she purposely picked a color he liked. So now she’s reminded of him every time she sees it. And reminded that it’s another new thing she has to learn to live with. And as I watched the Lincoln disappear, I felt a twinge of the same thing. Another piece of dad history gone. I’ll be forever grateful for my parents’ generosity in gifting it to me, but knowing it had outlived its usefulness, I’m also thankful to have it out of my driveway.
The willingness with which our young people are likely to serve in any war, no matter how justified, shall be directly proportional to how they perceive the Veterans of earlier wars were treated and appreciated by their nation. – George Washington
Veterans Day. A US holiday to celebrate everyone who has served in the armed forces for their sacrifice and dedication. I’m thankful tonight for my brother-in-law who is currently in the Middle East on his third tour of duty–another year away. When he got to Kabul, he spent the first couple of evenings sleeping on benches. Instead of complaining, he said he was happy to have good food and was looking forward to a bed. He’s professional military and one of those men who knows exactly what he’s getting himself into, but does so willingly because he believes that what he’s doing matters. And he must be doing it well since he’s now a lieutenant colonel in the army. I know the military life is hard for my sister and her family. My brother-in-law spends a lot of time away, even when stationed in the States. I’m proud of him and my sister because dedication on that level is a family effort for them. His response to my sister’s Facebook post on her gratitude for his service today says it all: Without the families’ support, all of this would be hard!! So, the true sacrifice goes to the families left behind to take care of the home front until we come home.. Love You!!
melissagratitude 