I didn’t sleep well last night and woke up feeling yucky. My stomach bothered me all day; I even left work early. Of course, I find it difficult to come home and rest because I see so much that I still need to do around the house. In fact, sick or not, I planned to clean up my room tonight. I’m in the process of switching out summer clothes for winter. (One day I’d like a closet big enough to house all of my clothes through all the seasons.) However, I decided mid-way that I should really eliminate some stuff again. Especially shoes. I rather love shoes, but I find myself wearing the same few pairs repeatedly, forgetting about others I have sitting on the shelves. Of course, even a quick look through the boxes will explain why that happens. I have shoes (and some clothes!) for a different life. Some where along the way I started collecting shoes for places I haven’t gone and probably never will. Beautiful high heeled shoes that are not possible to wear to work. Well, not for the work that I do. And I don’t get invited to many places that require me to dress up. I guess I’ve held on to some of them because I actually do like dressing up occasionally. I wouldn’t mind a fancy affair now and then. But I simply don’t have that kind of social circle. And it’s silly to hold on to things just in case. Especially when it’s creating stress in my daily life. The clutter is killing me. But it’s going to have to wait another day. I’m too exhausted to tackle it. I’m thankful tonight that I can put off some stuff like I do. I’m also thankful that I can let some things go, even my shoes. It will be a little painful, but the payoff of an organized space will make it worth it.
October 20
To continue my theme from yesterday, I’m thankful for the colors in the scenery and the fact that I get to work in an environment as pretty as this:
October 19
I’ve been whining about the change in the seasons because I’m not ready for the cold weather yet. However, I am thankful to live in a city with a lot of streets lined with mature trees. There are some beautiful color changes going on, including this one in my front yard. If winter is on the horizon, at least it’s hidden for now by a lovely view.
October 18
I spent the entire day with over 400 students on a World Religions field trip. It was interesting on many fronts, not the least was the inter-workings of organizing such a large group riding eight tour buses and traveling between cities. It was a twelve hour day by the time we got back home, and I was exhausted. However, it was worth it. We started at the Lao Phothikaran Buddhist Temple in our own city and then traveled to Chicago for stops at the Sikh Gurudwara Temple, Temple Sholom, and the Baha’i Temple. I’ve not studied any of these religions, although I have some familiarity with Buddhist and Jewish practices, nor have I ever visited any of these places before. At each location, we were able to speak with the religious leaders and witness some of their practices, such as chanting and singing, and hear some of the history of the religion, including the main beliefs and practices. They were all beautiful in their own way. And at each place, the adornments of the altars or the uniqueness of the architecture was an important feature, much the way it is in most Christian churches I’ve been in. It seems the desire to build a beautiful place of worship as a mark of respect and glorification transcends all religions. And that wasn’t the only commonality I noted today. I was struck with how different the practices may be, but how similar the intent behind them really are. In each temple, the basic principles seemed to center around acceptance or respect of others and achieving spiritual connectedness with God or peace within oneself. I found myself pulling out ideas that I could adopt in my own lifestyle, if not my “religion.” The Buddhist’s mindfulness, the Sikh’s inclusiveness, the Jewish focus on action and relationships, and the Baha’i view of unity are all principles that can be adopted, regardless of one’s personal religion. I think it’s too bad that so many people fear the religions of others and thus dismiss it as a whole. Learning about differences in practices and beliefs doesn’t have to be threatening if it’s done with the idea of finding the commonality. Today that common ground seemed to be a belief that our spiritual responsibility is a working towards becoming better versions of ourselves. Regardless of the path toward that goal. I’m thankful I took the journey today.
October 17
I posted this early on in the year. I’m posting it again because this time, I’m thankful for hope, even when it doesn’t seem warranted. And even if it turns out adverse. Sometimes it matters to go through the journey, regardless of the outcome.
I walked a labyrinth
and found him
standing in the sunlight
a Greek statue marking
the center of the garden
the day was quiet but
my mind was circling
confused
so when he smiled
evil beauty
I lost a piece of myself
without him knowing
without me knowing why
except perhaps
I was blinded
by the sun and hopeful
for something
I can’t really believe in
but like Pandora’s box
it’s the only thing I have left
I need to travel back
through the maze
retrace my steps to find
the broken pieces
now scattered over the years
I’ve learned to live
with less of myself
but I’m feeling too small
suddenly
too unseen
incapable of my own
distress
I need to throw off
this cruel longing
and instead find
the doctor
who will help me
put myself back
together
I’ve already sacrificed
my youth to others
my wisdom he has not
earned
doesn’t yet know
how to share
so although I’ve paid
my due
I will leave my tears
here
at the river
and find my way
to higher ground
October 16
I’m actually most thankful for being able to get to bed early tonight. Even though it wasn’t necessarily a rough day, it was incredibly long. And exhausting.
October 15
There have been several things today that have gotten me a little riled up today, which, honestly I don’t do THAT often. Of course I have opinions, but I don’t always feel the need to express them, let alone argue them. After all, I’ve come to the conclusion that most people who have strong opinions and want to argue them, aren’t interested in my opinion anyway. And I’d rather not argue just for argument’s sake. So tonight I’ll continue my no soapbox stance and just say that I’m grateful for my life. I’m thankful for where I am and the things that I’ve been blessed with. It’s not lost on me how lucky I am, for while many people may have more than I do, there are so many people in the world who have less. My life may not be everything I imagined or dreamed for myself, but it’s still good. And I’m still plugging along at it. I’m coming to really believe that happiness comes from a daily acceptance of the now and a continued hope for an improved future. After all, what else is there?
October 14
For some reason, I’ve been thinking of my dad more often lately. Maybe it’s the talk of upcoming holidays and being reminded once again that he won’t be there this year. I miss him. It makes me think of this quote I found on Pinterest. I’m thankful for the people in my life right now.
October 13
These are a few of my favorite things (today. for which I’m grateful.)
an un-rushed morning
no typical Monday complainers
afternoon cappuccino
student workers pitching in
completing my midterm exam
a warmer than expected evening
chicken mole and apple pie
hugs
October 12
The new season of the Walking Dead started tonight. It was probably as gory and violent and horrible as it has ever been. I had to cover my face during some of it. For someone who doesn’t like horror and slasher movies, it’s shocking that I like this show. I’ve written about it before, and it’s the same now for me: it’s because it’s such an interesting show in human behavior and adaptation. It’s a world of survival. It’s intense because anything can and does happen. Nothing in this tv program is as predicable as in most shows. And every time I watch it, I wonder how I would react if I were there. Whether or not I’d survive. If I could kill to live. If I could stand the stench of rotting flesh. If I would be able to hold on to some hope of a different future. I don’t know. I’d hope so, but I’m pretty thankful I don’t have to find out. And I’m thankful to have the season back on.
melissagratitude 