I’ve been lazy. Well, lazy with writing and I can tell. Writing helps clear my mind and since I haven’t been faithful with it, I’ve been having vivid dreams. Weird stuff about my dad and tidal waves and talking to dogs who can speak. My kids left today for a mission’s trip and I always worry when they’re going to be traveling. As any mother, I have fleeting thoughts of car accidents or muggings or some other danger that could befall them while they’re away. I won’t dwell on it, but it will make me uneasy for a while. However, I’m always proud of them for going and thankful for their convictions.

While they are gone, I’m moving some of our stuff over to my boyfriend’s house. My house is up for sale, and my realtor thinks that moving items out will help it look bigger. I don’t mind since I’m tired of trying to keep it clean enough to show at a moment’s notice. It’s a pain selling a house while you’re living in it. And we’ve been over at Patrick’s more often than not; we’ve been painting the exterior which has needed a lot of work including replacing broken siding pieces and rotten trim. Nothing lets you know the truth of a person more than working on a time consuming and difficult house project together. So far, so good. We still like each other, which speaks volumes. If you can spend hours cutting (and re-cutting) and painting (and repainting) wood without wanting to kill each other, that’s some lasting love. He has no idea how much I’m grateful for the little things.

And these days I’ve been feeling a lot better. My new doctor did an ultrasound and discovered that my miscarriage wasn’t complete at all–the fetus was still there. So a few weeks ago I had a D&C and began to feel better almost immediately. It took four months to get to that point. I don’t even have words for how disappointed I am in my old doctor who let things drag on without checking anything more than my hormone levels, despite my repeated warning that something did not feel right. But instead of focusing on the lost time, I’m extremely grateful for being back to normal. We’re going to try again and keep our fingers crossed.

August 10

The outside of my house is about 98% painted. I’m thankful for the help I had today with my boyfriend on the tall ladder and my kids helping with trim. I also borrowed a ladder stabilizer from some friends which helped a lot. It took longer than I had hoped to get things as far along as we did, but it’s about there. Another half a day and another gallon of paint should do it. That’s a big one off my list. I’m also thankful that I finally got my closet organizers put in. The huge mess that has dominated my upstairs for the last few weeks can now get tackled. I had my kids help me tonight decide on whether to keep or toss some of my clothes. I tried things on and they gave me their opinions. That was brutal. I can now imagine how the folks on What Not to Wear feel when stepping into the dressing room of truth and getting Stacy’s and Clinton’s feedback. My kids do not soften their criticism. And I now have a pile of clothes to give away. However we did have some pretty hilarious moments too. Once you realize something looks ridiculous, it’s easy to make fun of yourself. In fact there were a couple of items we saved for the Halloween costume box. At any rate, it was good to get some movement on the to-do list today.