March 1

I’m consistently reminded of how easy it is to misread other people’s actions and assign meaning to things that maybe have nothing to do with us. It’s been an emotional week for me for some reason. Well, for reasons I know but am reluctant to admit to the world. Just know it has something to do with feeling unsettled and unsure. I know, that’s life sometimes. However, I’ve been a bit sensitive as well to words and actions that maybe didn’t require as much of a reaction from me. Isn’t it interesting how our insecurities can be magnified by what is out of our control? And how sometimes hurts we have experienced in the past can creep into the present in ways that should have no apparent meaning? In statistics its correlation is not causation. Logic likes to use the word “imply.” Correlation does not imply causation. Basically the premise is that things that may seem to be in relationship to each other, may simply be a matter of coincidence.

I’m finding that letting go of past hurts isn’t the easiest of tasks. Of course, there are some things that are long gone…and for me it’s the big stuff. For me the big items are the easiest to get rid of. Most people don’t intend to cause major hurts or disruptions to their lives or the lives of someone else. The hardest things to let go of are the seemingly small things. The ways we’ve felt slighted and made to feel insignificant. The dismissive way we were treated or the disregard we were given by people who played an important role in our lives. It’s true what they say about the power or words. Words can hurt. Deeply. And sometimes the lack of certain words can also cause holes.

I was joking with someone tonight about the many lives I’ve lived, but it’s very true. I feel like I’ve lived through so much and come a long way to be at the place I am. And where I am is a good place. I’ve overcome a lot of obstacles and hurdles and feel like I’m a much wiser person for the lives I’ve lived. But I have a few scars that needs softening. Those I’m still working on. I’m glad to be reminded today that not every word means the same thing coming out of every mouth. People are different. Every person deserves to be held accountable for their own actions and not held up to the scrutiny of the people who came before them. Our past affects our present, but it doesn’t always inform it. Because something seems familiar emotionally doesn’t mean it’s the same thing in reality. Sometimes it’s only our reaction that is the same. We need to learn the difference or risk losing what doesn’t need to be lost. I’m figuring that out, and that’s a good thing.

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