December 9

When I was younger, I competed in pageants. It seemed like a Southern girl kind of thing to do. I was just in a few, really, and was a runner up a couple of times. The only one I won was a Junior Miss pageant which was mostly judged on scholastic achievement and interview skills. At least that’s what we were told. And I completely believed that after winning the competition since I’ve been told often that I interview well. Plus I was a good student.

I’ve been thinking about the idea of beauty again lately since it comes up too often in female conversations. Plus my daughter said it came up in her psychology class recently–how the beauty ideal is all about symmetry of features, etc. But if Chanel is right, then beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself…with self-confidence…with the way you see yourself…where the expected definition of beauty ends. Well, that’s great, Chanel. I’d usually agree with you, but I have a confession to make. I had a moment this evening where I felt far from beautiful. And I was embarrassed by it. And a bit angry with myself for feeling that way. After all, I try hard not worry about the physical aspects of beauty because I know beauty encompasses so much more than that. It’s like winning a pageant  based on intelligence and communication skills and getting a medal instead of a tiara. It means a bit more. Or at least it should. After all, I do think beauty is subjective, truly in the eye of the beholder. I know I find people and things beautiful that other people don’t. And sometimes I don’t find someone attractive that a friend does. And really, that’s all cool. Otherwise, we’d all be desperately trying to win over the same people and the whole world would descend into more chaos than we currently have.

So I remind myself that the only people whose opinions really matter to me are the people closest to me. My family, my boyfriend, my friends. And of course, myself.  They know the real me, so I hope they see something beautiful in me. Most days, I really am thankful to say, it’s all good. But some days…I wish I had the tiara.

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