January 3, 2022
January 2, 2022
I got my booth at the antique mall open today! I’m happy about it, but I’m now tired. Ha!
There’s a big difference between stuff you’re not using at home and stuff you’re hoping to sell. The items at home seem to be taking up a lot of space. My booth seems a bit sparse. But that’s ok. I’m thankful to get it started.
Speaking of getting things started, this new year will be different with my blog. I don’t want to abandon it but I know I’ll be busier now with my crafting. So I’m not going to be posting as I have been. On days I don’t have real updates to write about, I’ll be using photos to do the talking for me. A snapshot of the moment during my day that brought me a smile or joy or made me grateful. I don’t want to stop looking, and I hope you find the moments in your own days that you want to remember.
New Year 2022
December 31, 2021
Well, here we are. December 31. End of this very long year. And my final lesson is one that’s been repeated a lot in different ways. We don’t get unlimited time. Not during the day, not during the year, not during this life. It’s something we all know, logically, but cancer has a way of making it personal and emotional.
I’m a doer and a helper. I need to feel like I’m contributing towards something meaningful. I like to be creative. I like to talk and research and write and teach. I also like to dress up. And I’ve done very little of any of these things this year. Sure, the cancer made it somewhat hard. But if I’m honest about it, I didn’t do a lot of it the year before either. I’m working on it though, and I plan to continue because it’s not just about doing what make me happy, it’s focusing on what gives me purpose.
I’ve written this blog daily this year because I needed to be intentional on finding gratitude during the difficult days. And I’m so thankful I did. It was important for me to find the sometimes small moments that got me out of my head on the hard days. And looking back, I had a lot to be thankful for. So many friends and family members supporting me. Such great medical care. A job that allowed me to be flexible with location and time. A husband who really took care of me. Pups that made me laugh. Cancer treatments that cured me. And in the middle of all that, I gained a son-in-law. I’m grateful.
December 30, 2021
I’m going to talk about my hair. I know, I know, not again. But hear me out because this is my next lesson.
P.C. (Pre-cancer) my hair was thick, wavy, and pretty easy to style whether it was short or long. I kept it long, mostly, I would change the color periodically without doing much damage. I could curl it quickly and the curls would hold. I was often stopped by complete strangers who commented on how much they liked my hair.
Once my hair began coming back after chemo, I’ve been shocked to see how it’s growing. I’ve pointed out before the crazy amounts of cowlicks I have. And it seems to be growing in all different directions. Some forward, some straight down. Some areas are kinda flat. The back has curl.
I don’t believe chemo completely changed my hair. What I believe is that I never knew the craziness that was going on underneath. Who would have thought that all these cowlicks worked to make my hair full in just the right spots? Or that the variety of directions helped it lay right or gave it the waviness that I took for granted. If I didn’t know what my hair normally looked like, I’d be worried about this mess of new growth. How can this possibly end up looking good?
And isn’t that a great metaphor for life in general? How often does it seem like everything is going wrong and only later do we see that what appeared to be mistakes were the steps getting us to where we needed to be. Sometimes what we worry are problems are just things working in ways we couldn’t imagine. So maybe the lesson is to be patient. Or have faith. Or keep holding on and not freak out at every setback. While losing my hair was a big deal, and I’m still getting used to its current state, I’m actually thankful I got this peek underneath. This lesson is one I really needed to be reminded of.
December 29, 2021
I went to the dentist today and picked up the mouth guard they made for me yesterday. I’ve been grinding my teeth at night. It’s a long-standing problem, but it’s gotten worse over the last year. Imagine that. My sister who works in a dentist office said that if you notice your teeth touching, then you’re probably clenching your jaw. In a normal, relaxed state, the teeth shouldn’t touch. Hmm…mine touch all throughout the day, too.
I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned this before, but here it goes again. Straight up. If I had to define this past year by one emotion, it would be fear. Of course when you’re given a life-threatening diagnosis like cancer, it’s instinct to be afraid. How bad is it? Is it curable? Will I die? Once those questions are answered, then it’s worry about treatments and side effects and potential risks. Always, there is the fear of making a wrong decision when presented options. After getting through treatments, it’s wondering if everything worked. How do we know it’s not anywhere else? Finally, and I’m sure this will linger forever in the back of my mind, will it come back?
Lesson Three: The side effect of fear is exhaustion. And stress. And teeth grinding. It’s time to let it go. I’m going to work really hard not bring it into the new year. These two quotes will be my reminders. What fear do you need to leave behind?
December 28, 2021
When I was in my mid-thirties I had my body fat percentage done by a friend in the fitness field. It was 17%. Seventeen. When we discussed eating habits, I confessed that my snack of choice was gummi bears. She told me that I should cook up extra chicken and eat that as a snack instead. Pfffttt. Hard pass. I moved on to Skittles.
And so here we are with the second lesson that hit me hard this past year. Know that saying, “use it or lose it”? It’s really true. Seventeen is a number long gone. Prior to my cancer diagnosis, I was still *somewhat* into exercising. I went to the gym haphazardly. I occasionally rode my bike. I figured doing yard work and projects around the house helped offset my lack of structured exercise. Then the pandemic hit, followed by my cancer treatments, and now here I am, missing my toned arms and stamina. I can’t help but think that if I had taken care of myself as that fitness friend had suggested years ago, my treatments may not have hit me so hard. Maybe I would have bounced back quicker. I certainly wouldn’t be as far out of shape as I am now.
And it’s not that want to get into smaller-sized clothes, although that would be a bonus. I’ve realized in the last year just how quickly our health can decline and with it, our body. And as Buckaroo Banzai said, No matter where you go, there you are. You are stuck with you; forever tied to that body. I wish I hadn’t taken mine for granted. I’m just thankful that Patrick and I walked around the neighborhood regularly during my treatments and I continued stretching exercises. Maybe I have something to build on. I don’t typically make New Year’s resolutions, but taking care of myself better next year is on the agenda for sure.
December 27, 2021
We begin our last week of this year. Weird. It’s been both the longest and shortest year of my life. Short because I feel like there wasn’t much in the way of accomplishment. I spent so much of the year sedentary, which is not normal for me. And long, well, because of the cancer. The unknowns and treatments and fear just seemed unending for a while. As I think back over the year, I realize that I’ve learned quite a bit, though, so I figured I’d wrap up the year this week with the top lessons that I’m thankful for.
Probably my biggest setback this year is the pain that I got from my cancer treatments. For someone who was used to being physical, I was not prepared for it. Not at all. I mean, in my prime I once moved a loveseat down two flights of stairs by myself. So I had taken for granted that I could lift, carry, crawl, climb, and walk however and whenever I wanted to. (Notice I didn’t say run because I don’t run. I’ve tried and stopped every time. Go ahead and judge me but I’m ok with it.) Then Taxol came along and wrecked my muscles. Maybe you’ll remember my whining about my muscle aches in previous posts. If not, let me remind you–it was pain that weighed on me between my shoulder blades and then radiated from my hips to my knees. I spent a lot of time on a heating pad and planted in the corner of the sectional sofa. And while things are WAAAAYYY better, I’m still not pain free. I can’t jump up from a chair and move quickly. I ache from sleeping. And I have to really think about how heavy something is before I hoist it from the ground.
I’ve said this to Patrick and I’ll now say it here. I wish we could allow others to feel what we are feeling. Like I could touch his arm and he could experience all the aches and pains and fears I have as I feel them. How awesome would that be? It would help at the doctor’s office. And imagine if we could do that with our pets? Game changer. Of course, I’ve thought this through because I have seen Behind Her Eyes on Netflix–the experience would have to be mutually agreed upon and with a limited duration, like half and hour, and then things would go back to normal automatically. Half an hour seems long enough to really get it.
My point is that pain is subjective. Some people can tolerate a lot and others only a small amount. I’m sure with my wish scenario you’d run the risk of someone thinking that what you’re feeling isn’t THAT bad. However, I bet more often than not, most of us would be amazed at what others are dealing with. I think we forget that when we expect someone to suck it up or just get over it. And when you deal with pain a lot, then you learn to mask it just to get through your day. You may never know if the person in front of you at the store is slow because they just had a chemo treatment. Or they have arthritis. Or fell in the tub that morning. Or any number of crazy ailments. And it’s not always physical pain–there’s a lot of emotional pain out in the world that is just as debilitating.
Lesson Number One. Be gentler with each other and with yourself. Compassion isn’t something we should only pull out at Christmas. We should sprinkle it on everything like glitter.
December 26, 2021
I’m scrambling now to get stuff ready for my craft/antique/junk booth that I get control of Jan 1. I know I’ll take a day or two get it painted and set up, so I don’t have to have everything ready immediately. However, I’m trying to be proactive for the next holiday–Valentine’s Day. Can you believe stores already had stuff out for that before Christmas?! Too soon.
Today I made these “love” bugs for my inventory. I also have a Valentine’s wreath and am planning on making a couple of gift baskets with vintage wine glasses. Oh! and I have some pink blown-glass balls that I want to paint with hearts and flowers. Add all that to the other items I’m trying to fix up and I feel behind already. Sigh. Here I thought I was doing good today. Unfortunately, I don’t think I’ll be able to list the same items on my Etsy site (SURCYclage) since I don’t want to take the risk of selling an item on both places. I’ll eventually need to decide what the focus should be for each place.
This is beginning to sound like a full-time job. Ha! Maybe one day…In the meantime, I’m thankful I have this week to work on things.
December 25, 2021
Merry Christmas! Happy birthday, Jesus!
I hope you all felt the love today. I know I did. We had saved all the presents our family had sent to us so we had a lovely morning opening gifts. Since it was just our little family, we had to let the pups open presents too. They were so funny fighting to get toys out of gift bags.
Speaking of the pups, Patrick had these socks made for me. They’re too cute!
We spent the rest of the day watching holiday movies, talking with family members and finally eating a wonderful dinner Patrick made. I even found time to do some crafting. I feel so blessed and thankful today.
melissagratitude 