September 11

Fall has come and apparently gone already. It was cold today. Colder than the supposed high of 61 that was predicted yesterday. The couple times I was in my car it was never higher than 54 degrees. Yet I just moved the plastic tote of my sweaters and winter clothes to the basement last week–because I finally got my closet organized for the summer. And this morning I was searching for a long sleeved shirt. How did this happen?? How am I always one step behind lately? It seems like everything is moving quicker than I can keep up. Every time I get one thing done, I’m reminded that I’m close to a deadline on something else. My classes. Bills. Dog vet visit. Car registration. Life has this way of just continuing on whether we are ready and keeping up or not. As I pondered how to manage the variety of things that were piling up today, I remembered the date. And how 13 years ago time stood still for a moment while our country was attacked by terrorists. And all of a sudden, fleeting time and looming deadlines didn’t seem quite so overwhelming. My problems are manageable, simple really. I’m lucky. And thankful for the perspective.

September 9

I’m a terrible dinner person when left to my own devices. My kids went out with friends so instead of making myself real food, I went to Lowe’s. Mostly because I hadn’t been there in forever and I was feeling what would equate to homesickness over the extended absence. And partly because I wasn’t sure what to eat so leaving the house postponed it. In front our Lowe’s is a recently built Chick-fil-A and I considered the drive-thru on my way past. The line was too long. So I enjoyed my time wandering through Lowe’s, reminding myself of things I forgot I needed, the items I already had and didn’t need regardless of tempting discounts, and thinking up future projects. Once I left, I was hungry and the line was still too long at Chick-fil-A. I made another quick stop on my way back home and then remembered I had a coupon in my purse for a free scoop of custard at Culvers. As luck would have it, my boyfriend texted me about then and I decided to share my sudden guilt over having dessert for dinner by peer pressuring him into having dessert too. It worked. Unfortunately neither of us loved my custard choices, so little of it got eaten. By the time I returned home, I resigned myself to dieting. I should lose a little weight anyway. However, the kids were home and had already set out the popcorn accoutrements and talked me into making some. Popcorn is my default food so it wasn’t a hard convince. I had a few handfuls, shared with the dog. I thought about adding some string cheese, struggled with the packaging, gave up, and grabbed a fig newton instead. So my entire dinner tonight: several spoonfuls of custard, a few handfuls of popcorn, a fig newton (ok, almost 2, but I gave the dog a bite) and some lemonade. Oh, and a handful of chocolate chips. I forgot about that. So I’m now certain on a couple of things: I’m an incredibly lazy cook and I’m thankful I’m not sick. If I ever win win the lottery, in addition to hiring a driver (I hate driving!) I’ll need to hire a personal chef.

September 8

This evening I went to the visitation of a retired professor from the college where I work. He taught psychology, and I actually took his class when I was a student there a lifetime ago. He was a guy who always wore a smile. His death was a bit unexpected, although he hadn’t been in the best of health in recent years. Apparently he died of cardiac arrest in his sleep and I hope his passing was quick and peaceful. That’s how I’d wish everyone could go…silently moving beyond this life and into what’s beyond without interruption. A friend, who also knew him as a teacher and his colleague, said he once told her he had been witness to the messy emotional events that are both the start and end of life (his children’s births and his wife’s death) and that we were lucky to have everything in between. How true. I’m thankful today for having crossed paths with this man and his wisdom and for the in-between I’m still experiencing.

September 7

Another Sunday recap:

Getting an extra hour and a half of sleep but still making it to church.
Leaving 2 dogs and a cat in the house alone without any catastrophes.
Going to the apple orchard and eating warm cider donuts.
Sitting on the deck with a pumpkin beer and new magazine.
Grilling burgers that were actually edible.
Getting to bed early.

September 6

Today I’m thankful for beer. And lots of it. I spent the day with a group of friends at our city’s annual Beer Festival. It was the first year I have gone but I’m thinking it could easily become a yearly must go. Lots of beer vendors, both well-establish and local, food from various restaurants, and a live band that was pretty good all in an area covering a few city blocks, so it was easy to get around. The weather was perfect today too. And my boyfriend was sweet enough to get us VIP tickets, which made the experience even better: lots of extras (t-shirt, nicer glass, bag to carry stuff) and an early entry with an extra hour of sampling. It was the beer equivalent to the speed pass at Great America. For someone who doesn’t like crowds, it was great to have time to check everything out without fighting through tons of people. By the time the place got packed, we were able to just wander and enjoy hanging out together. That was the best part–it was a fun group of friends and we ran into even more people we knew while we were there. We had some laughs, found some new craft beers we liked, ate fantastic oven pizza and were able to drive ourselves home. It was lovely day.

September 5

I am so thankful that I enjoy reading and that I’m pretty adept at it since my grad school classes involve a lot of reading. Today I was able to get most of the necessary assignments done and out of the way before the weekend. My goal is to start getting ahead of schedule now. We’ll see how that goes…

September 4: Oeillade

I chastise myself for dwelling on the
inevitable, for loneliness plays upon my
wounds before they heal. The bandages

wear thin with the constant flow of
images, past and new experiences, most
real, some imagined but all embellished

with roses. Futilely, I cling to what
I know is already gone, or mostly gone,
and will be forgotten when the last

sand falls. The grains are already
counted and echo with their rapid
descent, until I can only hear the

tic toc tic of my heart. Will you
think of me afterwards as the weight
around your legs that caused you to

stumble in time? Or will you view me
in some dark, private cubicle, inserting
a quarter for a glimpse of the past, and

see me dancing in slow rhythms before you?

I wonder some days about the people in my life and how long of a time frame we have together. I’ve lived long enough to see many people come and go. Maybe by moving away. Or growing apart. Or dying. I’m reminded this week of the ebb and flow of life and how, no matter what we desire, some things don’t happen the way we anticipate. And that can be frustrating or maddening or disappointing or heartbreaking. It’s not easy giving up on expectations, but I’ve come to the conclusion, as I’ve mentioned in other posts, that often it’s necessary. Especially when it comes to other people. Instead, I’m thankful to be reminded that what I need to focus on is what their impact may be in my life and what mine may be to theirs. And try to be someone whose presence made a positive difference; someone worth remembering.

September 3

What a beautiful day. I’m thankful for the slow move into autumn. For the fact that my kids mowed the lawn, even though they didn’t want to. For a phone replacement that came overnight so I don’t have to deal with a dead battery anymore. For a new beer tour at Old Chicago. For the fact that my teenagers still give goodnight hugs–to me and each other.

September 2

Today was our faculty/staff development day at work. Or as my daughter put it, teacher punishment day. That seems to be the common consensus on a lot of campuses, college and secondary schools alike. I’ve had friends who teach in a variety of settings complain about their own development days. It seems ironic that educators dislike these days so much. Yet the idea of professional development isn’t the problem, it’s the issue that’s at the core of all student complaints: how am I ever going to use this information? Why do I need to know this? This isn’t in my area of interest, so why must I suffer through it?? Now, if you’re a regular reader of my blog, you know that I adhere to the philosophy of a well-rounded education. I think the more areas you’re introduced to, the broader your view becomes and the more curiosity has a place to roam. It’s also easier to see the connections between ideas and theories and disciplines. Yet, as we get older, it becomes trickier. During a day such as today, the “development” topics often seem irrelevant or overdone or pushed upon us and, therefore, condescending in some weird way. Since we’re forced to attend, we feel at the mercy of administration and their agenda (although there is supposed to be input from various committee members from across campus). And maybe there’s some truth in that. It is a way for administration to disseminate information to or gather feedback from hundreds of captive employees at once, without suffering the pains of sending out unread emails or flyers or phone calls, hoping for responses. Throw in economic restrictions on bringing in celebrity speakers, and on some level, I understand why the topics aren’t always engaging or exciting. Yet, I do believe that even in the workplace, there is still benefit to knowing how departments work both within their own particular confines and within the (in my case) campus as a whole. What our marketing, recruitment and admissions areas do drives enrollment, enrollment drives classes, and what and how faculty teach and interact with students keeps the process going, which makes all of our jobs possible.

Of course, I’m interested in people and communication and how things interact, so I have a natural curiosity about workplace dynamics. That being said, I also believe development days should foster growth in our own particular work as well. I wish some of our breakout sessions would involve conversations about our own personal areas of interest. Visiting scholars, perhaps. Faculty and staff from other colleges coming in for content discussions that could be joint-development days for multiple schools. Business leaders who could discuss the attributes they look for in the students we hope to graduate. Something that is inspiring and energizing as we enter another academic year. Therefore, I have to admit that today I was just as guilty as others of being a bit underzealous about being “developed.”

But there are some things for which I’m grateful. Our new president is easy to listen to and, I believe, is working hard for the college and all the employees. We have new programs that should be exciting and beneficial to our community. We have not only a Faculty of the Year award, but now also an Employee of the Year award, and the first recipient today was a guy who really deserved it. Having all employees together means being able to socialize with colleagues with whom it’s normally difficult. Our college still provides lunch (a box lunch consisting of sandwich and chips) but at least it’s from a good vendor. And it includes a cookie. I learned some new technology in one of my sessions. I got more information on a local business I was only vaguely aware of. Finally, putting together a day of activities for hundreds of reluctant people can’t be easy, yet the day always flows well and is organized. I am truly thankful for those who do it and the time and effort they put into it.