I found out tonight that a good friend of mine was just diagnosed with breast cancer. Cancer. I hate the word. One dictionary entry says it means something evil or malignant that spreads destructively. I think that sums up the disease accurately because it seems to be everywhere. And it’s not just a physical thing; it’s pervasive in all aspects, mentally and emotionally as well. Show of hands on who’s been affected somehow by cancer. I have a hard time finding someone who hasn’t been. In fact, my friend just lost her father-in-law last year to cancer. She lost her mother to cancer. It sucks. I don’t know how else to say it. It’s a horrible thing. When I think of it, it makes me sad and angry at the same time. And helpless. What do you say when someone tells you this? I told her I was sorry. I told her that it sucked. I told her I loved her. And you know what she said? She was going to stay positive; she wanted no sad faces, only happiness and laughter. So there you go. This world is full of battles. We all have one, and it’s really about how you fight it. My friend has cancer. But it doesn’t have her. I’m thankful for that.
Category Archives: Uncategorized
November 12
The stinkin Lincoln is gone. I found a company that collects junk cars and had it towed away today. Nevermind that I ended up having to take an entire day off of work because the tow truck driver kept pushing the pickup time further and further out. It started with a before 10:30 am timeframe which worked because I had scheduled my cat to go to the vet at 11:00. I planned to take the morning off, get those two things off the to-do list and go to work after lunch. However, the first tow truck call came about 9ish with a I’ll call you at noon and pick up will be between then and 3:00. He must work for the cable company too. I heard nothing at noon. But then, about 2:00 I got a call that he was on his way. And at 3:15 he called asking for my address and said he’d be another 20 minutes. It was just after 4:00 when he showed up. I was irritated, but what could I do? It was freezing today. I needed the car gone before the first real snow hit us and I was stuck shoveling around the dead car. So I signed over the title, collected my $300 in hundred dollar bills that I’m not 100% are real yet, and watched him load the car onto the tow truck. I have to admit that I felt a bit sad watching it go. My parents gave me that car for Brianna. My dad really liked that car. And I thought of how my mom talked just a week ago about the strangeness she felt every time she opens her garage door and sees her new car sitting there. She recently traded in the van she and my dad had for a smaller, more practical car, and somehow it still doesn’t feel right to her. Trading in the car was another step in her life without him, although she purposely picked a color he liked. So now she’s reminded of him every time she sees it. And reminded that it’s another new thing she has to learn to live with. And as I watched the Lincoln disappear, I felt a twinge of the same thing. Another piece of dad history gone. I’ll be forever grateful for my parents’ generosity in gifting it to me, but knowing it had outlived its usefulness, I’m also thankful to have it out of my driveway.
November 11
The willingness with which our young people are likely to serve in any war, no matter how justified, shall be directly proportional to how they perceive the Veterans of earlier wars were treated and appreciated by their nation. – George Washington
Veterans Day. A US holiday to celebrate everyone who has served in the armed forces for their sacrifice and dedication. I’m thankful tonight for my brother-in-law who is currently in the Middle East on his third tour of duty–another year away. When he got to Kabul, he spent the first couple of evenings sleeping on benches. Instead of complaining, he said he was happy to have good food and was looking forward to a bed. He’s professional military and one of those men who knows exactly what he’s getting himself into, but does so willingly because he believes that what he’s doing matters. And he must be doing it well since he’s now a lieutenant colonel in the army. I know the military life is hard for my sister and her family. My brother-in-law spends a lot of time away, even when stationed in the States. I’m proud of him and my sister because dedication on that level is a family effort for them. His response to my sister’s Facebook post on her gratitude for his service today says it all: Without the families’ support, all of this would be hard!! So, the true sacrifice goes to the families left behind to take care of the home front until we come home.. Love You!!
November 10
I watched the latest episode of Anthony Bourdain: Parts Unknown. I really like the show because it gives an interesting overview of the places and cultures he visits. Most of the time, he acts like an interviewer, talking and eating with the locals. Most of the time I find myself fascinated by the insider take on cultures or locations because there’s almost always some way my preconceived ideas or biases or assumptions are shattered. Or at the very least, questioned. The episode tonight spotlighted Massachusetts and the area he lived when he was younger. From the outside, it looked like what I imagine Massachusetts to look like: quintessentially charming and coastal. However, the food was secondary in this episode to the drug problem that has become entrenched in the daily lives of the people in Franklin County. It was something Anthony Bourdain had experience with, having been a major drug user when he was younger. It was both interesting and disturbing to get a glimpse into a problem that is at once foreign to me, and yet probably much closer than I realize. I’ve never had the desire to try what I’d call legitimate drugs. My drug of choice is coffee. And alcohol. Yet even then I dislike not feeling in control, so I’ve had relatively few moments of getting too crazy with either. I’m probably luckier than most that way. And thankful for that. There was a doctor interviewed in this episode that stated how a lot of the abusers are people who started out on pain medication for legitimate reasons and ended up addicted. And as most addictions go, it takes more and more of something to achieve the needed high. The main users in Franklin County were middle class white people of all ages, but specifically the younger generation. Too often we assume drugs abusers are people who for some reason have purposely chosen the life of a derelict. But that’s not true. It could be anyone. Unwittingly and unintentionally. Maybe taking medicine for chronic pain. Or for surgery. Or for depression. Or any number of ailments and find themselves unable to live without the panacea that makes their life bearable. I don’t think people begin down that road choosing the inevitable destruction that awaits them if they become an addict. I imagine it must happen either quickly or so slowly that it’s incredibly difficult to be objective to the problem. Either way, it’s tragic. One good thing from the episode was that the townsfolk were working on the issue and not just from a law enforcement side. They were collaborating on ways to address the issue on a larger scale. Someone pointed put that it was really a problem for everyone because it affects everyone somehow. I guess that’s true. So many of our social issues are problems that on the surface seem individual. But when looked at deeper, extend out into society like ribbons unfurling and touching many others. One problem leads to another that leads to another. As John Donne states in Mediation XVII:
No man is an island entire of itself; every man
is a piece of the continent, a part of the main;
if a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe
is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as
well as any manner of thy friends or of thine
own were; any man’s death diminishes me,
because I am involved in mankind.
And therefore never send to know for whom
the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.
I’m thankful for the reminder.
November 9
My Sunday list:
A relaxing morning.
Beating the rush of foot traffic for a great breakfast.
Spices. Lots of them.
A weekend away without mishaps. Or arguments.
Dogs that get along.
Fresh vegetables and dip for supper.
Resisting the leftover Halloween candy.
Early bedtime.
November 8
Last winter I went to see Stone Sour, one of my favorite bands. I’m especially fond of The lead singer, Corey Taylor. I actually think he has a great voice. Well tonight I saw Slipknot, a band that also has Corey Taylor as the lead singer. It’s a much harder rock band, so it’s a different vibe, but they put on a great show. Lots of pyrotechnics and lights and moving stage parts. I hadn’t seen them live before, nor I had I seen the opening band, Korn. They were fantastic too. Not as big of a show but their music is a lot of fun on its own. I just simply love seeing live music. Most of the time it gives me a greater appreciation for hearing music on the radio when I can see how much effort goes into performances. That was definitely the case tonight. So I’m thankful my boyfriend got us tickets. And I’m thankful we had good seats without too many crazy people around us. It was a good evening.
November 7
It’s been a long day. I took our speech team to another tournament and thus it was a 13.5 hour work day for me. Even though most of that time was spent sitting for one reason or another, it was still tiring. But it was fun to see how much improvement the students have made since the last tournament just a couple of weeks ago. I also find it interesting in a couple of ways: first that they made a lot of progress in a short period because they were motivated by the competition, and second that their exposure to watching others perform made a much greater impact on their improvement than any suggestions I made previously. As an educator, it makes me wonder how to bring that kind of learning to the classroom, if it’s at all possible. At any rate, I’m thankful today that my students had a good time at the meet and that we made it home safely. Tomorrow they go with another instructor because I have a conflict. More on that later…
November 6
I’m thankful for a day at Starbucks, writing a paper for class and drinking a latte. I’m almost finished with it. The paper, not the latte. That was finished long ago. (One day I hope to take time off of work for fun stuff.) I’m also thankful for the laughter provided by the interesting character, Eric Greenspan, on Cutthroat Kitchen. Seriously, the guy is hilarious. I now want a lolliplop. Finally, I’m grateful that dinner tonight with the math group was mostly politics free, as I requested. It has been an interesting and politically heated week in Illinois and I just couldn’t handle any more commentary on the elections.
November 5
I’ve written about my car before. It’s an MUV (minivan/SUV combo). I’ve had it forever and because of some poor decisions (not all mine, Btw) I ended up basically buying the car 3 times. Don’t ask. It’s not a fun story, but at least it ends with me finally paying it off last July. I’d suggest if you’re going to pay for a car thrice, get yourself a really nice one that you don’t mind having for a long time, maybe forever. The reason I still like mine is its ability to haul something the size of a small elephant. Or a couple puppies. And it’s to the point of me not being so particular about spills or scratches. It still looks decent, but it’s got some wear, if you know what I mean. I can park in tight spots because, eh. I’m more concerned with walking a few less feet than an extra ding in my car door. At any rate, while I’ve come to terms with my MUV, I’ve kind of been thinking that it would be nice to have a real car. Like an actual car. And I’ve also been fretting about the Stinkin Lincoln (’96 gold Continental that my parents gave me for my daughter years ago) that has been sitting dead in my driveway. The battery keeps draining. And the emergency brake is stuck so a back tire won’t turn. It’s been dead in my driveway for months. With the threat of snow, I knew I needed to do something, either invest money in the Lincoln or replace it if possible so Emma has a car to drive. So I’d been looking for a cheap car. Well, cars are not cheap. Even the old ones with upwards of 150,000+ miles on them are still in the $3-4,000 range. Ugh. that’s why I’m thankful tonight to have stumbled on a (fingers crossed!) good deal. I found a car in great condition with relatively low miles at a price I could afford. A black Chrysler 300m. I now have a legitimate car! And it’s pretty! And I didn’t have to give up the MUV for it. Unfortunately, I still need to figure out how to get rid of the Lincoln. Anyone need a large driveway ornament?
November 4
Chance is getting pretty good at not being too obnoxious anymore. He doesn’t try to chew on people all the time, although he still LOVES to chew. On bones. And sticks. And blankets. And brand new rolls of duct tape. And the corner of a chair one naughty afternoon. He has no more accidents in the house (fingers crossed once the weather gets freezing) and sleeps through the night. He is getting slightly, and I mean the slightest of slightly better at allowing us to eat food around him. And he can hang out and chill when we are watching tv. As long as there is something appropriate to chew on. But during the times I’m most in a hurry or stressed or really needing to focus on something, that’s when he throws a fit. I know he wants attention, and I can’t always give it to him as much as he wants. That’s why I’m thankful tonight for the fact that my boyfriend is as willing as I am to let the puppies play on an almost daily basis.
melissagratitude 