I was able to get my office cleaned up today, which was something long overdue. In fact, I discovered a ziplock bag with what looked like a science experiment in it–black and gray fuzz covering what appeared to be a piece of naan. Apparently, naan doesn’t keep well. It was a bit gross. After cleaning my office, I was also able to organize a bit which will make it much easier to keep track of student and teacher schedules for next semester since I’m going to need to hire some more tutors, I think. I kind of hoped my cleaning bug would continue at home, but it disappeared during my 5 minute commute. Instead, we watched a couple of episodes of Eric Greenspan is Hungry. (I find him funny) and listened to the dogs rough house. I probably should have looked at my paper again, and my boyfriend probably should have graded finals, but it was kind of nice to just sit and not think. In fact, overall, it was a rather stress free day, which I’m thankful for.
December 9
When I was younger, I competed in pageants. It seemed like a Southern girl kind of thing to do. I was just in a few, really, and was a runner up a couple of times. The only one I won was a Junior Miss pageant which was mostly judged on scholastic achievement and interview skills. At least that’s what we were told. And I completely believed that after winning the competition since I’ve been told often that I interview well. Plus I was a good student.
I’ve been thinking about the idea of beauty again lately since it comes up too often in female conversations. Plus my daughter said it came up in her psychology class recently–how the beauty ideal is all about symmetry of features, etc. But if Chanel is right, then beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself…with self-confidence…with the way you see yourself…where the expected definition of beauty ends. Well, that’s great, Chanel. I’d usually agree with you, but I have a confession to make. I had a moment this evening where I felt far from beautiful. And I was embarrassed by it. And a bit angry with myself for feeling that way. After all, I try hard not worry about the physical aspects of beauty because I know beauty encompasses so much more than that. It’s like winning a pageant based on intelligence and communication skills and getting a medal instead of a tiara. It means a bit more. Or at least it should. After all, I do think beauty is subjective, truly in the eye of the beholder. I know I find people and things beautiful that other people don’t. And sometimes I don’t find someone attractive that a friend does. And really, that’s all cool. Otherwise, we’d all be desperately trying to win over the same people and the whole world would descend into more chaos than we currently have.
So I remind myself that the only people whose opinions really matter to me are the people closest to me. My family, my boyfriend, my friends. And of course, myself. They know the real me, so I hope they see something beautiful in me. Most days, I really am thankful to say, it’s all good. But some days…I wish I had the tiara.
December 8
Oh boy, it’s been a long week. I know it’s only Monday, but I feel like my week began and ended today. I had a rough draft of my final research proposal for my communication research methods class due tonight. It was basically the culmination of the entire semester’s worth of learning, and I wasn’t as organized as I thought I was going in to writing it. Although I have been ruminating all semester on what I would like to research–the idea that a lot of online socializing may adversely impact a person’s ability to develop social skills necessary for appropriate face-to-face interactions. I’ve been noticing in the last few years that a lot of students I see on campus seem to have awkward social skills, namely they seem unsure of HOW to interact. They stand too close or too far away; they don’t answer questions posed to them, or answer in a voice so low it’s hard to hear; they don’t know when a conversation is over, so they often just hover around as if waiting to be dismissed. I asked my kids what they thought and they both agreed. Even in their peer groups, they see issues. Bree said some of her friends don’t make eye contact when they talk; they’re unsure of how to end conversations and they’re hesitant on how to even start them. She said sometimes people don’t even turn to look at each other. Emma said she’s pretty sure most of her friends would admit that they lack social skills, but they’re not even sure how to fix it. Of course, as a communications major, I’m fascinated by this. And as I watch just about everyone around me (myself included) constantly checking social networking sites, I can’t help but think that our fascination with communicating via technology is partly to blame. After all, most of what we post online with sites such as Facebook or Twitter are mere snippets of information, often carefully planned ahead of time to sound clever or amusing. Snapchat, Tumblr, and Instagram don’t even require words to communicate, just a good picture and maybe a caption if we’re not too lazy. And even texting or chatting online is abbreviated conversation; oftentimes, words themselves are abbreviated, and if we don’t like the conversation, we can delete it or ignore it without having to excuse ourselves or look someone in the eye. None of this translates well to face to face interaction. And we have whole generations of folks who have grown up or will grow up communicating this way. One of the biggest areas I can see the decline in social skills really impacting people is on the job. Unless we enter a future where all work is done electronically, we’re going to meet up with people offline. And somehow need to work together. Soft skills competence is something a lot of managers look for when hiring because they know its harder to teach than technical aspects of the job. They’d much rather hire someone who is already competent.
I could go on–for at least ten pages, which is how long my paper ended up today (18 if you count the reference pages and appendix, ugh). Although that was about 4 pages shy of what I need for my final draft that is due in a couple of weeks. And while I know I have a bit more work to do, I’m super thankful I got done what I did. I can’t wait for the feedback. I love writing, but sometimes, it’s darn hard.
December 7
Sunday, Sunday, Sunday
I’m thankful for Christmas lights, puppy pictures, coffee…coffee…coffee, quick visits with friends, one paper done, sunshine, fireplaces, and sleep.
December 6
I spent most of the day working on my research paper, and thus I felt I had made enough headway to sneak away tonight for a Christmas party. There ended up being a lot of people from work there, along with friends of the hosts, and overall it was a rather lovely evening. I found it interesting that it started out with everyone congregating in the kitchen, which is very typical, but then everyone actually moved throughout the house until we all landed in the basement. Of course the fact that the hostess had placed food stations in different areas of the house probably helped. There was a lot of very good food and a lot of good drinks as well. I enjoy chatting with people outside of work; so often we see each other in the roles we play in our jobs, so it’s fun to get different perspectives and see people in a broader scope. It’s also great to meet spouses or significant others as well. The night ended with an impromptu concert. The host plays guitar in a band and had instruments set up in the basement. Several of the guests happened to be musicians as well, so we had a complete four piece band: drums, bass, guitar and keyboards. And for never playing together prior to tonight, they sounded really good! I’m glad they decided to play; it was a lot of fun to see. And I’m grateful I was able to take the break and go to the party and hang out with some friends tonight. Tomorrow I will be back to work.
December 5
I’m thankful for the end of the week, the end of the semester, and the beginning of the winter break.
December 4
I found out today that my persistent headaches lately are because of a sinus/ear infection. Kind of explains why my hearing has been lousy lately too. And here I just thought I was getting old quicker than I realized. Whew! I’m thankful the medicine should clear it up and wish I could share my pills with my dog, who also has an ear infection. He’s not too keen on getting drops put into his ears. Why can humans clear up ear infections by taking oral antibiotics, but dogs can’t?
December 3
I do still wish I had more time in my days. I’m scrambling to do all the things I’d like to do, but I’m trying not to get too stressed over stuff. Like the dishes left in the sink, and the vacuum cleaner that has been living in the corner of my family room for weeks now. Or the half-started Christmas decorating amidst the still present Fall stuff. It’s frustrating, to say the least, when I get my daily decorating blog filled with pictures of beautiful spaces in my email inbox. For a brief moment I wish I could send my puppy over to her very white and blue, freshly decorated for the holidays house, just out of spite. I want my house to look like that too…all in order and lovely to enter. I’m also jealous of the amazing food I see in my daily delivery of food blogs. I want to make delicious dishes too! Like…Christmas cookies! But then I remind myself that my focus is elsewhere. Domestic bliss isn’t my top priority right now, and that’s just going to have to be ok. As long as I’m able to limp along, keeping up with the messes and making slow attempts at being in the season, I’ll be fine. Today I bought an official Christmas tree (on clearance!) since the dog left the little one alone for 24 hours. Maybe I’ll get it decorated this week. Or next. So I’m plugging along…that ‘s a good thing.
December 2
I’m thankful I was able to take my dog for a walk over lunch (thank you, sunshine!). I’m grateful also for a little bit of holiday cheer–I got some decorations up at work. I always put up a tree and snowflakes and lights around our main office window. I even had some hot chocolate this afternoon. I’ve been so lax on other holidays this year that I’m trying to make a better effort for the Christmas season. After all, I really do like decorating with greenery and lights. I even went out and bought a small inexpensive artificial tree tonight that I’m hoping my puppy will leave alone. It will be in his usually hanging out area and I’ll just put lights on it. If it survives, I’ll feel better about putting up a legitimate tree for ornament decorating. It’s been my and my kids tradition to go out and cut our own Christmas tree; however, the puppy is fascinated with sticks. I’m constantly finding branches inside, so I’m a bit leery of bringing a real Christmas tree into the house. We’ll see. It may be time for all things artificial. Finally, I’m thankful for pasta dinner, sinus pressure relief (finally!), and a booked flight back to Texas for New Years.
December 1
It’s already December. It doesn’t seem possible. On one hand, I’m not at all ready for what December brings: the holidays, the traveling, the end of the year. On the other hand, I’m ready for the end of this semester both at work and in my own classes. I’m tired. Just tired. It’s been an interesting semester getting back into classes myself. It took me a little longer than I expected to find a routine of reading and studying that works for me. I imagine each semester will require tweaking since I won’t know what I’m getting into with my online classes and teachers I’ve never met before. I know that I’ll probably need to work a little harder than I have been as my classes progress. There have been times like the last week or so where I’ve let things slide a little longer than I should have. I now have some making up to do with the end of the semester…a few assignments are due about the same time and I’ve not invested the time I should have on them. But I know that and I’ll bust my hump to get things done and if I don’t, I know it will be my own fault. Unlike some of the students I see daily where I work. What is with the trend of students feeling that they can negotiate class work and grades with instructors? I’m constantly amazed at students who cry to their teachers that tests are unfair or that they’re getting too much homework and can they please get extensions or extra credit or make ups. Or the students who come for tutoring two weeks before the end of the semester and have no idea what the name of the class or instructor is and wonder why they aren’t passing. Regularly I hear students whine about the amount of work or the difficulty of the material but when help is offered, they don’t have time for it because it will interfere with a personal activity. It would never have occurred to me as an undergraduate student to email my professor and tell him that the test he just gave was too hard and that I deserved extra credit work. Or admit that I had forgotten about it and request a retake. And I surely wouldn’t do it now as a grad student, regardless of working a full-time job and being a single parent with a house and other responsibilities. But I don’t think I was unusual even as an undergraduate in believing that my education was mine, personally. Something I was responsible for, not my teachers. If I didn’t study, or forgot an assignment, or even just plain found something difficult, it was my problem. And I took the poor grade and figured out how to do even better next time so my final grade didn’t suffer. Or looked for help if things didn’t make sense. And then felt a bit guilty when I walked into class knowing that I hadn’t been taking things seriously. When did the change occur? When did learning become a passive activity? It’s both frustrating and frightening to see that students today (generally–there are still some dedicated students out there) feel no sense of ownership in their education. Feel that small effort should pay big rewards. How did that happen? And where else does that actually work? Last time I checked, most work environments don’t offer re-dos and most bosses don’t give extra credit because you keep screwing up. Education is supposed to help prepare students for being productive members of the real world. The real world is mostly give and take. If you can’t give something, you’re not going to get something. It seems like an easy concept and one of the basics of being a student. Do your best to get the best grade. Do hardly anything, your grade will reflect that. No negotiating. Whine and complain to the mirror because chances are, that person is responsible. I’m tired myself. I have a lot left to do in my own semester, but I’m grateful to own my education as my responsibility. It means when I do well, I have myself to thank.
melissagratitude 