Category Archives: Uncategorized

July 26

Posted on by under Uncategorized

I cannot accept Morpheus’s offer, for sweet dreams
are only for the unburdened. Those happy idiots

who know nothing of love and so can close their eyes
and imagine worlds shaded in color.

I’m sure you’re sleeping, and I’m only angry at myself
for lying awake in this black and white

world feeling the heaviness of you in the air
I breathe. If I had the strength I could shut myself

away from the shadows that surround me,
for each one bears your likeness and mocks me

from its corner with sweet words torn from
haunted conversations that involuntarily replay

in my mind. I long to sweep them away like cobwebs,
brush the silky strands away from my face

but I know if I reached out, they would simply recede
into the cold. No, I’m too tired for the fight

and too weary of the dreams that take me nowhere
but back, so I lie here, awake, wishing the night

would bury the dead.

Why does nighttime bring out the desire to over think? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve lay awake pondering things that somehow, with the setting of the sun, became insurmountable issues. And I know I’m not the only one. My friends often complain about the same thing. But I’ve gotten better as I’ve become older about recognizing that my nocturnal obsessions may seem a lot more manageable in the morning. History as proven that to be the case quite often. Sometimes not, especially when the heart is involved. Yet, as painful as it has been and sometimes still is, I’ll always be thankful for a chance at love. I hope I’m never at the point of completely giving up.

July 25

Posted on by under Uncategorized

My life has revolved around the puppy all week. It’s crazy how tired I am because of it. I had a moments this morning (thanks to 3 am potty barking from the dog, 5 am bedroom door pounding from the cat) when I had a twinges of what the hell have I done, my life was just fine. I was sincerely questioning my decision to add a puppy to the already growing list of things I need to manage. But then tonight he was so good when we went shopping at PetSmart. And when we went to play with my boyfriend’s puppy. For the first time, he was so tired that he fell asleep before bedtime. And once again, I was thankful I had him with me.

20140725-221115.jpg

July 23

Posted on by under Uncategorized

I’m exhausted. And not because the new puppy kept me up all night. He didn’t. He went to his kennel at 9:30 pm and made no noise all night until I let him out at 6 am. But when I went home at lunchtime, he had gotten past the baby gates of his kennel and had roamed the house. A few things were chewed, but amazingly, I found no potty accidents and nothing of real value had been destroyed. So overall, Chance is being a great pup. It’s the constant worry about what he’s up to that’s wearing me out. It’s like having a toddler in the house. It’s quiet; where is he? He’s sniffing around; does he need to go out? And the puppy crate I ordered with a guarantee delivery for today never made it here. It’s putting a delay in my crate training. But if I can keep him to the routine we started, that will be good. He is a pretty smart puppy. He seems to be learning his name and listens when I call him. He even recognized our yard after just a couple walks in the neighborhood. I’m almost afraid to be too hopeful, but it does make me thankful I took a chance with this one. (Get it? Chance? Ok, I am tired.)

July 22

Posted on by under Uncategorized

So today I’m thankful for this little guy I named Chance. I picked him up from a rescue shelter this morning. Although I had been vacillating on whether I really should get a dog, I knew when I saw him that I was going to bring him home. That face. How could I resist it?? I have to admit though, I was nervous going to pick him up. Puppies are a lot like babies, and I remember very well the work involved. Bringing home a puppy changes a lot for me, not the least of which is my routine. So I knew I needed to be ok with that. I was also nervous about upsetting my cat. He’s been a fantastic pet and with me for ten years, so I felt a twinge of guilt knowing that he wasn’t going to be happy. But this first day went well. Even though Chance is still quite young and playful, he’s been amazingly well-behaved, with other dogs as well as my fat cat. Sousi made it clear he didn’t want the dog in the house, even swatting him a few times, but Chance simply ignored him. And tonight when I blocked the dog off in his kennel area, he barked for maybe 5 mins tops. I’m hoping we get through the night without issue. I know there’s a lot of training work ahead, but tonight I’m thankful he’s here.

20140722-221058.jpg

July 21

Posted on by under Uncategorized

Some days I sit at the computer at the end of the day and I’m at a loss of what to write, which reminds me that I haven’t been paying enough attention to things throughout the day. I know that’s pretty normal…get on a routine and life sometimes becomes a habit that requires little concentration. But that’s exactly why I started this blog to begin with; I didn’t want to blithely go through my life and then wonder what happened to all my time. So, I guess today is one of those days where when I look back over the last… I’m counting on my fingers…16 or so hours, I need to pick out the small stuff. So here goes.

I actually enjoyed my coffee this morning. Not that I don’t normally, since I’m a coffee addict, but I noticed it this morning, I didn’t just gulp it down. I had lunch with a girlfriend I don’t normally get to go to lunch with. We went to a place called Dandy Donuts where they make bite-sized donuts that come with every meal. And I smelled like donuts for the rest of the day. I interviewed a student for a tutoring position who seems to be a great candidate. That was a good start to my Fall planning. I figured out a name for my new puppy. More on that tomorrow. I also had fun shopping with my boyfriend for the items I need to bring said puppy home in the morning. I heard from a girlfriend I haven’t talked to in a while. We’re planning a catch-up night soon. And tonight I chatted with my mom, which is always a blessing. Unless she’s crabby or giving me advice I don’t want to hear, but probably need. But that wasn’t the case tonight. Thankfully.

July 20

Posted on by under Uncategorized

Today I’m thankful for my daughter’s safe travels, for soft puppy kisses, pizza with my favorite toppings, an emotional talk that makes me feel better, and discovering that it’s national ice cream day.

July 19

Posted on by under Uncategorized

This morning my boyfriend and I went to a couple of animal shelters to look at the dogs available for adoption. He’s in the market for one, although I’ve been considering it myself lately. My kids have bugged me about getting a dog for years. The preference is a Corgi, which I’m not opposed to. However, I cannot justify spending the $800+ to get one when there are so many animals up for adoption at the local shelters. That being said, I’m really still on the fence about getting a dog at all. The time commitment is different from what I have with my cat. He’s mostly content with being left alone, but that really wouldn’t work with a dog. So I’ve been going back and forth on it. Therefore, going to the shelters today was difficult. Our county pound literally looks like an animal prison. Rows of cages back to back in a rather sterile room, no person visible beyond the front glassed-in office where we stopped to get buzzed in to the kennels. And maybe it was simply the fact that I had to stop myself from crying several times, but I didn’t notice any toys or bones or blankets in the cages with the dogs. Just face after little face looking up expectantly as we walked by. Some of the dogs didn’t even bother to get up, some jumped and barked, some just sat with their noses pressed between the bars. It was difficult to look at them knowing that if I was going to adopt, it would only be one. Ultimately, there were a few that stayed on my mind after we left: a 2 year old Jack Russell terrier, a 7 year old Beagle/Boxer mix, and a 5 year old German Shepard mix. And my boyfriend and I both liked a year old Pit Bull with the sweetest face and curious eyes. He’s considering him. After we left the county pound, we checked out an animal sanctuary. What a difference. That place was bustling with people and the animals had blankets and chewing bones and staff coming and going. It still wasn’t fun to see them stuck in cages, but it seemed a much more tolerable atmosphere. And they do an amazing job of using resources such as Facebook to get the animals adopted. Which is why most of the dogs had been adopted; only two were left. I’m grateful today to know that there are dedicated folks out there who help find homes for the adoptable animals and to see the difference that makes. I’m not saying the people from the county pound don’t care, but it sure seems like they could and should do more than they are. Thankfully, the animal sanctuary often takes animals from the county pound. I’m hoping they do soon.

July 18

Posted on by under Uncategorized

This afternoon my daughter and I went to see Maleficent, the Disney remake of Snow White. It wasn’t a movie I typically would have picked; I usually only go to the theater for big action films or something that really intrigues me, but a friend invited her, so we went. I didn’t think it was a great film, but it was good. I thought the special effects were just ok and the story line, even though rewritten, was a bit predictable. But what I appreciated it about it was the twist on the villain. Traditionally, the fairy tale story line is sweet, innocent guy/gal is the good one, and the dark, evil guy/gal is the bad one and the good one always triumphs. Well, you know how the fairy tales go. But in this one, the real villain isn’t so obvious and the evil queen is humanized. Yet the moral of the story was the same: good triumphs over evil. Only what’s good is questionable. And who saves whom is also questionable. The film touched on a lot more themes than the original as well: love, trust, betrayal, greed, empathy, obsession, forgiveness, regret, loss. I like the change up in story lines going on right now in a lot of would-be kid shows. The idea that it isn’t always princesses who need saving. And it’s not always a prince who’s a hero.  So while I could have waited to see the film on Netflix, I am glad I saw it today. It was interesting, and I had a fun time with my daughter.

July 17

Posted on by under Uncategorized

Well, my daughter liked her room, thankfully. It’s kind of funny; she takes after me in that she’s not overly excitable. No jumping for joy or anything. She said, oh! Ah…that’s so cool! I have bookshelves! And that was about it. But I know she’s happy with it. Actually, what was even sweeter was her reaction when I picked her up when she got home from the airport. Then she very enthusiastically threw up her hands and hugged me happily. And admitted that she missed me. That I’m grateful for.

Since I’ve gotten some grief for not sharing pictures, here’s what I spent my week on. Its not visible, but I built the bed frame so it would accommodate a trundle underneath. And she loves to read, so my intent was to give her a reading nook to escape to. My daughters room before (essentially) and after. Sorry, my pictures aren’t great.

20140717-222053.jpg

20140717-222115.jpg

20140717-222145.jpg